Are “difficult “people really difficult?

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Might you be contributing to their being difficult through the stories you tell yourself about them? How do you know?

(c) 2021, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful.
Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.

What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that “thing” is…maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”

I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.

I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com
You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda. Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TrueNorthPartnering

Haiti, The Caldor Fire and Ida —Disasters and Their Deeper Meaning

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(c) 2021, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful.
Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.

What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that “thing” is…maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”

I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.

I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com

You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TrueNorthPartnering

What It Like to Say, “I don’t know?”

not knowing

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So, can you remember a recent time you were in conversation with someone and said, openly and honestly, “I don’t know.”? And, felt completely at ease and at peace with “not knowing”?

Why we feel we need to know

In life – at work, at home, at play and in relationship – we’re expected to have certain capacities and competencies – i.e., “know-how.” Others often expect or depend on our ability to have, be or do.

But, what happens, inside us, when facing a dilemma, a conundrum, a challenge or problem and we just “don’t know?”

In Western culture, it’s common to want (or need?) to “save face” and so when we feel challenged, we conjure up the “appearance of knowing” so we can feel we’re in control and be recognized for what we know. In our culture, we overemphasize how much we know. While we may feel that “not knowing” is unacceptable, the fact is we often just don’t know from time to time. Isn’t that true?

Why “not knowing” puts us on the defensive

When we don’t know, we move into an unconscious reactivity to “defend” ourselves in some way, shape or form – i.e., clinging to jargon, double-speak, techno-babble and the like to mask our unknowing, or espousing a facade or fakeness about knowing – sometimes resorting to facts or figures to cloud an issue, or muddying already-murky waters, or avoiding, feigning “exclusion” or seeking allies to support our not knowing, or blaming someone else in order to deflect our discomfort, fear, insecurity or uncertainty. All of this to be in control and protect our fragile egos.

The benefit of not knowing

In Eastern cultures, “not knowing” is often seen as a self-supporting, personal-developmental practice that can actually bring one to be ever more effective in experiencing life. Welcoming a conflict or problem with a sense of “not knowing” can be an opportunity for creativity and insight. The darkness of the unknown supports us to access our inner strength, our inner wisdom and higher self. Asking positive (not-fear-based, reactive) questions from a place of curiosity can support us to overcome our fear, uncertainty, doubt or feelings of lack or deficiency.

Actually “not knowing” gives us an opportunity to consciously slow down, “take a deep breath,” delete our assumptions, misperceptions, , misunderstandings, “stories” or expectations so we can be present in the moment, right here and right now, without the intensity, irritation and agitation to “get somewhere else,” “to have an answer, to be right.” “Not knowing” gives us an opportunity to relax into our body and mind, focus on the foreground and the background, to “see beyond our eyes,” to jettison “my knowledge” and be curious about what I don’t know. “Not knowing” is all about curiosity, the adventure of “finding out” from a place of “Hmmm, that’s interesting. I wonder what that’s all about.”

“Not knowing” is about “punctuation,” – i.e., more question marks and fewer periods. It’s about being inquisitive, not about ego, personality, blaming, judging or “being right.” When we “don’t know” we invite, we are open, we ask and observe, watch and listen. We slow down, give up our need to be “the expert.” We “allow” life to unfold; we don’t “make” life unfold.

Rather than defending against “not knowing, we can relax into “not knowing” as a part of who we are, knowing that it’s a part of our everyday life and an opportunity to grow and learn something new about ourselves in the process.

Two sets of questions:

  • Questions that evolve from a place of “not knowing:
  • If there is a deeper reason for me to be here, what is it?
  • What’s important to me about this situation and why do I care?
  • What’s my intention here? What’s the deeper purpose – the “big why” – that is worthy of my best effort?
  • What stands in the way of my being fully present in this situation?
  • What draws me to this interaction?
  • How much does the first person who speaks set the tone for the ensuing conversation?
  • Can I by-pass some of the trust issues that normally keep /me from opening up and moving into deep conversations?
  • Can I step into the unknown?
  • To what degree might it be possible for me to see the world/issue/problem through another’s eyes?
  • What am I hiding?
  • Do I give myself permission to be fully myself?
  • Does my “expertise” distract me from exploring the essence of the issue/question?
  • How comfortable (am I with not knowing?
  • What would someone who had a very different set of beliefs than I do say about this situation?
  • What is missing from the picture so far? What am I not seeing? Where do I need more clarity?
  • What could happen that would enable me to feel fully engaged and energized in this situation?
  • What’s possible here and who cares about it?
  • How can I support others in taking the next steps? What unique contribution can I make?

and

Some questions for self-reflection:

  • Is it OK to “not know”?
  • How do you feel when you “don’t know?”
  • What behavior(s) do you engage in when you “don’t know?” Do you ever “pretend” you do know? Why?
  • Do you ever see “beyond your eyes”? (observe what’s around you that you’ve never noticed before…e.g., a crack in the ceiling, color/shapes of plants in the office, another’s tone of voice, color of lights in the elevator, a client or friend’s usual way of talking or their body-language, softness of the carpet in your office, others’ email signatures, pictures in the taxi, store, etc..)?
  • What in life are you curious about? Have you explored further?
  • Do you resist “not knowing?”
  • What is one upcoming opportunity where you can practice “not knowing?”
  • What was always needing to “know” like for you and your family when you were growing up?

—————————————————–

(c) 2021, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful.

Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.

What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that “thing” is…maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”

I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.

I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, http://www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com

You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TrueNorthPartnering

Commitment and Harmony

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What is a commitment?
A commitment is an agreement that is (1) a fact demonstrated by observable and measurable behavior and (2) an attitude that reflects a consistency and alignment in thought and belief.

For example, a committed relationship is one where one’s behavior demonstrates commitment in an operational and observable way and one where one’s thoughts and beliefs about the relationship are consistent, and in alignment with, the notion of commitment.

If one says one is in a committed relationship but never has time for one’s partner, that is not commitment.

If one spends 95% of one’s time with one’s partner but is consistently wishing or wanting to be elsewhere, not sure if the relationship is the right one, or fantasizing being with another person or persons, that is not commitment. 

What is harmony?
Harmony is a state in which there is congruence among what one says, feels, thinks and does. When one or more of these four elements is not in alignment with the others, one will not experience harmony; rather, one will experience a feeling of imbalance, a feeling of being “off,” that results in little true and real joy, happiness, meaning or purposefulness. In a state of imbalance, one is moving robotic-like though life – at work, at home, at play and in relationship.

When we’re committed, we show we care deeply and are engaged – yes, even at work. 

Conscious commitment
For commitment to be conscious and healthy, four elements are necessary: (1) be clear about who you are, what you want in life and know how to get what you want; (2) have a clear set of well-defined goals for your life (at work, at home, at play and in relationship); these goals must be in alignment with who you are, and your core values; (3) conscious preparation for the commitment – have the physical, mental, emotional, intellectual, social, psychological and communication skills that will support your choice to commit; and (4) actually committing – making the conscious choice to commit, engage and participate.

The path to true and real happiness is paved with commitment. No commitment, no happiness. Perhaps a faux happiness, the appearance of happiness, but not the real thing – a phony and fake happiness that is ever ephemeral, and fleeting. Always looking for more and for “the next best thing,” or person.

Unhappiness
Consider those who consistently say they are unhappy – at work, at home, at play and in relationship. What’s most often lacking is commitment. How so?

Most probably because they have never truly (consciously) sat down and reflected on their deeper, core life requirements or the core values underneath such requirements. More likely, what they have done (beginning in childhood and moving through adolescence and into early adulthood) is come up with a list of work-life-play requirements based on someone else’s beliefs of what’s right, necessary, good or important and as a result became indoctrinated along the way with other folk’ beliefs about what’s important – parents, extended family members, media, Reality TV, politicians, corporations, friends, salespeople, competitors, teachers, clergy, academics, bosses, military leaders, and the like.

But, sadly and unfortunately, they never took the time and energy to consciously explore inside and ask themselves what they really, really want – an exploration that comes from their deeper, heart-felt, soul-driven place.  Rather, they followed lock-step, or blindly, someone else’s vision or goal. It’s no wonder they cannot experience commitment.

Signs of lack of commitment
One way to identify those who’ve never taken the time to deeply and consciously explore work-life-play-relationship commitment in a truly meaningful and purposeful way is to observe how they are characterized by (1) a lack of clarity about their life purpose, their core values or the place of spirituality in their life; (2) a consistent tendency to look outside themselves for life’s “answers;” (3) a limited ability for, or tendency to, self-reflect; (4) a lack of clarity about “who I am;” and (5) a low-grade-fever type of state where they experience frustration, overwhelm, agitation, unhappiness and discontent on a regular basis.

The first step to exploring commitment, in a conscious and healthy way, is to look at the discrepancy that exists between commitment in fact and commitment in attitude to see what’s causing the discrepancy. HINT – the cause is never “out there.” The inquiry begins with personal responsibility, by honestly asking:

“What’s going on with me that accounts for my lack of engagement or commitment (either in fact and/or in attitude)?”
“Why don’t I have what I want?”
“Why does having what I think I want always lead me to feeling unhappy, empty, lonely and unfulfilled?”
“Why do I always feel I’m on the outside looking in?”
“Why am I always asking others what they think, feel or believe?”
“Why do I seem to sabotage myself so much?”
“Why am I so jealous and envious of others?”

Some questions for self-reflection:

  • How committed to, and engaged, are you with your activities during your day at work, at home, at play and in relationship? How so?
  • How do you manifest commitment, dedication and passion?
  • With respect to your career, your relationships, your health, your friends, your family and your happiness, how committed are you and how indifferent are you? If you say you are committed and devoted, are you committed in fact and in attitude?  Or, are you just going through the motions, being habitual, or being half-hearted? How might others feel about the degree of your commitment and engagement?
  • Do you ever emotionally, verbally or physically bully, become overbearing, or manipulate others because you are committed against something?
  • Do you find yourself delaying, denying, deferring and procrastinating because you are not 100% committed to someone or something?
  • Do you ever doubt the value of your commitments? If so, when?
  • Are you afraid to let go of that which you are not committed? Why do you hang on?
  • Do you ever “act as if” to make believe you are committed?
  • When was the last time you took time to seriously reflect on who you are, what you want in life or why you may be feeling uncommitted to someone or some thing?
  • How do you know your values are your values and not someone else’s values you just took on as you grew up and matured?
  • Do you ever “go along to get along” when you know “deep down” that it’s bad for you? Why?
  • Do you become defensive when someone questions your life-work choices or your values?
  • Do your values and beliefs ever contradict one another?
  • Do you ever notice a conflict between your external or public voice (what you say to others) and your internal and private voice (what you believe and say to yourself quietly) while in conversation at work, at home or at play? Or in conversation with your spouse/partner? How so? Does this make you curious?
  • Do you feel your life reflects “harmony?”
  • How did you learn about commitment growing up?

—————————————————–
(c) 2021, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful.
Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.

What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that “thing” is…maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”

I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.

I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com
You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda. Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TrueNorthPartnering

Spiritual Health, Alignment and Purpose

Rumi


Three keys to attaining inner peace and well-being as you live life at work, at home, at play and in relationship. Moving from the ego to higher consciousness.

—————————————————–
(c) 2021, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful.
Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.

What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that “thing” is…maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”

I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.

I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com


You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TrueNorthPartnering

Thinking about Your Negative Thoughts

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Just launched – three exciting new products

Your negative thoughts not only affect your body, but the environment as well.

https://tnp43.wordpress.com/

(c) 2021, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful.
Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.

What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that “thing” is…maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”

I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.

I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com
You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda. Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TrueNorthPartnering

Beyond Judgment

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Just launched – three exciting new products

The Indian philosopher Krishnamurti remarked that “the highest form of intelligence is the ability to observe without evaluating.”

So, a few questions:
Are some of the people around you lazy, or do they just do lazy things?
Are some kids you see stupid, or do they just do things differently from you?
Are some of your co-workers uncreative or do they just approach tasks in a way you wouldn’t?
Are some bosses cold and calculating or do they just manage in ways you might not?
Is your spouse or partner too independent or do they just have a different way of viewing a relationship?

Judging as the cause of disconnects
One of the major causes of disconnects between people – at work, at home, at play and in relationship – is our tendency to not only make observations about their behavior, but to use these observations as the basis to make snap judgments about their character.

When we observe someone and instantly label them on the basis of some behavior or other, we move away from seeing the wholeness and totality of that person.

Many of us engage in knee-jerk, judgmental reactions of others who, in some way, appear “different from me.” We are quick not only to point out the “bad-ness” or “wrong-ness” of another but to evaluate who they are based on our observations of their behavior.

So, Mary’s lazy; John’s a procrastinator; Julia’s unhealthy; Susan’s angry; Mario’s a narcissist, Jane’s aggressive; Art’s a complainer.

None of these judgments is an observation. None of these criticisms points to a simple, objective behavior. All of these are judgments we feel we need to make about a person based on what we have observed.

The next time you find yourself making a knee-jerk reactive judgment, perhaps ask first, “What is that person doing or saying that makes me feel some sense of discomfort?” And then ask yourself, “Why can’t I seem to just notice their behavior without needing to make a judgment or offer an evaluation?”

In fact, it would be interesting if during your day you could actually discern between your observations and your evaluations. Many can’t, because the habit of observing and judging is so ingrained.

Why we judge rather than observe
When our ego, rather than our heart and soul, is left to do the driving, our GPS is based on looking at the landscape from a like/dislike, right/wrong, or good/bad perspective. Built into this dynamic is an evaluative process based on ego-based emotions, feelings, character, qualities, and styles, etc.

So the more someone is “not like me,” the more we feel a tendency to push away from them. All of this is based on our need, often unconscious, to “be right.” When someone behaves – in thought, word or deed – in a way that does not sync up with what we feel is right, we feel challenged (or threatened). And when we feel challenged (or threatened), we feel the need to defend our beliefs, our “rightness.” In doing so, we’re looking to support our psycho-emotional safety and security with “who I am.”

Making judgments about others is how we defend our self. If we can make them “bad” or “wrong,” then we’re right or good. This dynamic is also the underlying foundation of bias and prejudice (conscious ad unconscious). And for many, it is characteristic of living in a world of duality – good vs. bad; right vs. wrong; intelligent vs. stupid, etc.

Moving beyond duality
The way we move beyond this dualistic tendency is to suspend judgment – to observe without evaluating. When we transcend our ego and come from a place of presence – simply observing – we can start to see the essence of another individual.

From this place we can suspend what we like and dislike and allow our soul to look at the truth (not ego-based subjective truth) – a deeper and intuitive sense of another person based on respect, tolerance and understanding, rather than judgement.

And when we’re open and accepting of others, we start to find that we are similar; we are able to accept their personalities without discomfort, resistance, resentment, or difficulty – as we’re relating on a level where love and understanding fill the space between us. Rather than making judgements, we acknowledge other points of view and respond with a “hmmm, that’s interesting” and move on without reacting.

Not by 9:00 tomorrow morning
Being able to accept and understand like this isn’t something that happens overnight, especially for those of us who have a deeply-ingrained tendency towards making judgements about others.

But there are behaviors we can focus on and develop to help us to accept others who push our buttons: patience, understanding, appreciating differences, recognizing the essential nature of others, and being open to, valuing and allowing the uniqueness of others.

When we focus on these behaviors, like and dislike stop being part of the relationship equation. Gradually, they will be replaced by compassion, empathy, acceptance and understanding.

Some questions for self-reflection:

  • Do you know the difference between an observation and a judgment?
  • Are you quick to judge? What would your friends, co-workers, or spouse/partner say? How so?
  • What do you “get” by being judgmental? Honestly.
  • Do you blame others for much of your discomfort? How so?
  • Do you become defensive in some way when you encounter people who push your buttons?
  • When you were growing up, were your parents, primary caregivers or others judgmental?
  • Can you envision a world where people can observe one another without evaluating or judging?
  • What is your most recent experience of being judgmental?

—————————————————–
(c) 2021, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful.
Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.

What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that “thing” is…maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”

I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.

I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com

You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TrueNorthPartnering

Blogging, Negativity and Incivility

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Just launched – three exciting new products

Social scientists, socio economists, and social psychologists are increasingly pointing to the fact that the social mood and mental health in the United States, and across the world’s culture and civilization is turning bad and that overall social mood is going to get a lot worse before improving. Research graphs and diagrams, such as the Elliot Wave Principle, underscore the finding that there is a natural ebb and flow of social mood (positive vs. negative) and that darker times, socially and politically, lie ahead of us, creating increased tension and negativity. Nowhere is this negative mood more evident than in the blogosphere where incivility, disrespect, meanness, bullying, and demeaning behavior rule the day, and the posts. What is it that accounts for this negativity among bloggers and what can be done to perhaps soothe and diminish their high degree of vitriol, rancor, meanness, incivility and disrespect? 

I’ve followed the negativity of blog discussions mainly from the perspective of being curious about the nature of the interactions where the behaviors are as interesting, if not more so, than the content.

There’s no question passion drives many a blogger’s interactions. Unfortunately, passion is often used as an “excuse” (it’s never a “reason”) to treat another blogger disrespectfully or in an uncivil manner. 

Curiously enough, research also points to increases in the number of heart attacks, cancer incidents, obesity rates, diabetes, suicides, spousal abuse incidents, etc. What’s the connection? 

Whether it’s an increase in incivility or in life-threatening illness and disease, these statistics do not mean that I have to engage in anti-social or self-destructive behavior.

I can choose what behaviors support me to live a healthy lifestyle and which don’t. The  same reasoning is true for whether I choose to be civil or uncivil, respectful or disrespectful, hurtful and harmful or compassionate and understanding in my  relationships and interactions, on blogs, that is, in how I choose to show up in the world.

Shakespeare said, “An event is neither good nor bad, only thinking makes it so.” So, why is one’s “thinking” so negative? What belief systems, mental models of the world and people in the world, assumptions, misconceptions, misperceptions does one have hard-wired into their brain that bring one to reactivity, to negativity in the face of just, well, “words”?

So, with respect to how I show up in the blogosphere, the bottom line is the degree to which I am “conscious” — whether I am consciously aware of “how I am” and “who I am” while blogging, and relating to others in a blog community, or am I “unconscious”, being reactive, with no conscious thought of how I am behaving. 

In our current culture in the U.S. where most folks are obsessed with ego needs for control, recognition and security, it’s no wonder that most folks’ thoughts are “killing thoughts” as opposed to “healing thoughts.” The mantra underlying most of our interactions and interrelationships is: “It’s all about me! Out of my way!”

Moreover, in a culture where many folks gain their sense of identity (“who I am”) from a direct association with their “knowledge and information” (the database in their brain), it’s no surprise that much of the incivility and reactivity on blogs comes from the perspective that: “When you disagree with my information, well, you disagree with me”, and because such disagreement is just too much of a hit to many folks’ egos, they react (fight, as opposed to flee or freeze). Agreeing to disagree and engaging in constructive dialogue are fast becoming a lost art forms in Western culture.

When folks are “unconscious” of “how they are” and “who they are”, when folks are unable or unwilling to engage in self-reflection, their tendency is to associate and behave with a herd mentality — witness the vitriol, the high-pitch ever-escalating level of disrespect, sarcasm (in the guise of “humor”), mocking, bullying, that is taking the place on blogs.

Much of the negative and disrespectful exchanges in blogs has to do with how one relates to another human being. Life is relationship — the manner in which one chooses to, consciously or unconsciously, relate to, “meet,” “see” and accept another person. What’s happening in the blogosphere is a manifestation of a blogger’s internal conflict that manifests as a failure to relate to another individual in an accepting, compassionate, respectful manner that transcends simple “exchange of knowledge and information.” 

So, while the research is what it is, that does not mean one cannot consciously choose how one wants to be in relationship, is dialogue, in conversation when blogging.

So, how does one become more conscious of one’s blogging behaviors? How does one become conscious of what’s driving one’s negative blogging behavior? By consciously considering what’s underneath one’s need to be uncivil, mean, disrespectful, and demeaning.

There are two underlying drivers for much of the negative interactions on blogs. These two drivers are characterized as: (1) “It’s not about the information or content”, and (2) “It’s all about the information or content.” 

1. It’s not about the content

From this perspective, what is occurring is the need for an individual blogger to resort to a verbally abusive and bullying approach in an effort to make a “connection” with another person. For other bloggers, the need is to first engage, and then disengage, then engage and disengage, as in a “love-hate” relationship, in order to stay in the game.

In the arena of psychodynamics or ego psychology, both of these behaviors are referred to as “negative merging.” In some relationships, the only way two people can “merge” or have any semblance of “connectivity” (e.g., mental, emotional, psychological, social, etc.) is by fighting or arguing. Without the fighting or arguing, there would be no connectivity, no relating. Thus, the need to bully, argue, demean, find fault, nit-pick, etc., supports a blogger to feel engaged and “merged.” It gives the blogger a sense of “belonging”, being psychologically and emotionally connected. It really has nothing to do with the “information” being discussed or exchanged.

Rather, the negative and uncivil behavior is about connecting and needing to feel “seen” and “heard.” In other words, to feel that the blogger is actually “somebody” as opposed to being a “nobody.” Unless the blogger feels they are somebody, they feel they have no sense of value or worth. The only downside is that playing out of this need to be “seen” comes from a deeper place of anger, fear and negativity.

In “negatively merged” relationships, real and true, mature, heartfelt acceptance, approval, and satisfaction are lacking. So, the only way the two or more bloggers can experience any “faux” connection at all is from this place of negative engagement. Often it’s in the form of poking, being disrespectful, being uncivil, nit-picking, finding fault, etc.

In “negative-merged” relationships, such back-and-forth behavior, and childish emotional acting out, becomes the sole source of contact between bloggers. The bottom line is that in negative-merged relationships, negative contact is better than no contact at all.

So, content aside, two or more such bloggers are no different than a couple who, lacking any real heartfelt, mature, adult-level connectivity, resort to arguing and fighting over how to stack the dishes in the dishwasher, fold the laundry, or vacuum the car, or slice the turkey.

At the end of the day, for negatively merged bloggers, it’s never really about the “content”.

It’s about the need to be “seen” and connect when there’s no true feeling of connectedness. 

Until and unless a “negative-merged” inclined blogger expands their awareness and explores what’s really “underneath” their need to be negative, uncivil and disrespectful, (i.e., by consciously exploring their limiting self-images, beliefs, preconceptions, “hard wiring” about how they view their self-vis-à-vis being in the world and relating to others), there’s probably never going to be any change or transformation of that blogger’s behavior. So, they’ll fight, lick their wounds, go away and come back to fight another day on another blog, always at another’s throat, always argumentative, bickering, poking, criticizing. Why? It’s the only way they know how to “connect.”

2. Content is everything.

The ego-personality is often driven by one’s Inner Judge and Critic, the inner voice that continually creates drama and upset in our lives, that never allows us to truly feel at peace with ourselves. The inner judge and critic is driven by three major ego needs: control, security and recognition.

Driven consistently and relentlessly by these three needs, many of us derive our identity, that is, “who I think I am,” and “who I take myself to be” from external things, as opposed to experiencing ourselves with integrity and authenticity that arises from being in touch with our Inner Nature, our True and Real Self, from what’s “inside.”

One of the externals from which people gain a sense of their identity is their “information.” For these folks, their mantra is “I am my information.” In other words, my identity, who I am, is defined on what I have in my brain, my database. I live in my mind, and my mind defines me as a person. 

Coming from this mental place, then, in a blogging environment, what happens when someone disagrees with an “information identity” blogger, is that the “information identity” blogger is unable and unwilling to see the other’s response as a simple perspective, or point of view, or as just “different from me.” Rather, the “information identity” blogger has a need to react, to become defensive and critical and take the other’s information as a personal affront and as a personal and “attack on me.”

In our culture of right vs. wrong, good vs. bad, win vs. lose, me vs. you, for many bloggers there is little to no room for acceptance of differences, i.e., “different information.” Rather, there’s more of a need for many bloggers to engage in some type of escalating “ad hominem” attack so that the “information identity” blogger can survive, live, and not lose their identity. The “information identity” blogger survives by meeting their need to “be right” in some way, shape or form.

And so when these “information identity” bloggers feel attacked because another blogger

has presented “different information,” or disagreed with them, they emotionally feel out of control, insecure, and unrecognized, unseen. Their internal, unconscious reaction is: “My

God, I have no identity if my information is “wrong. I need to fight back and save my self”.

In this state of (often unconscious) reactivity characterized by anger, fear, worry, resentment, defensiveness, feeling “small”, unseen, invisible, unrecognized, unappreciated, being resistant, defensive and agitated, and feeling a loss of control, recognition or emotional security, some bloggers act out so they can feel and see themselves as big, large, as “somebody” with an identity. 

“Information identity” bloggers might be surprised if they were to explore why they need to act out and sting, poke, demean and bully others, why they need to attack, defend against and counter-attack, why they are so caught up in identifying with “my information.”

What happens in the blogosphere is really no different from what happens between and among individuals and couples every day, at work, at home and at play, i.e., occurrences of the same behaviors that manifest when folks allow their ego-personalities and “comparative-judgmental minds” to get in the way of a healthy relationship, a healthy dialogue, a healthy interaction. The dynamic here with the “information identity” blogger, is that they are being driven by their need for control, recognition and security as opposed to allowing their self to come from one’s inner plane where one can be perfectly comfortable with who one is and where one is without needing to be right and without depending on one’s information as the source of who they are. 

The poking, the disrespect, the vitriol and incivility are all about resistance, denial and projecting. It’s all about not being “consciously conscious of “Who I am” and “How I am” in relationship; so the negativity comes from one’s locking on to cruise control, being “unconscious” and simply reacting to everything happening “outside.” It’s about needing to look “outside” for what’s lacking “inside.”

While some may view ad hominem attacks, rudeness, disrespect, poking, bullying and negative behaviors as “common” in today’s discussions and relationships, they are not, either for children or for adults, and sometimes, in the blogosphere, it’s hard to tell the difference. Reactive elements cause mental, emotional and even physical pain and discomfort as well as for the actual and lurking “ringside” participants and observers, even though they may not even be aware of it. The discord does take a toll, one way or another.

Where some lurkers would honestly and sincerely like to offer their perspectives in a safe environment, they are often wary of doing so as they don’t want to come up against bloggers whose need is to “take it personally” and who react to “different” takes and information in a negative, poking, rejecting manner. It’s the “information identity” bloggers who make many blogs unsafe for so many others who have worthy contributions to make. 

So, the negativity is an attempt to fill this hole of deficiency, thinking that spending time and energy being critical, judgmental, demeaning and disrespectful of others will somehow make me feel “better” at the expense of those who I am stepping on and over in my attempts to get to the top of some ladder (financial, social,  professional, etc.) that will make me feel like “somebody.”

So, what can bloggers do to ensure a more inclusive, safe, mutually-respective container for adult-adult dialogue and reduce the intense degree of negativity that permeates so much of the blogosphere?

Perhaps bloggers can envision and then act to create an environment where one can notice, accept and appreciate the uniqueness of another blogger’s perspective without automatically jumping on the “me vs. you,” “right vs. wrong,” “good vs. bad,” “expert vs. novice,” or “intelligent vs. stupid” continuum.

Perhaps bloggers can take some time to move out of their intellectual zip code of “It’s all about what I know” and explore the perhaps, more foreign, landscape of nonviolent communication to enhance the quality of some of their interactions, even approaching discussions with the curiosity of a “beginner’s mind,” a neutral mind.

Perhaps bloggers can take a deep breath, sense into their bodies and experience their feelings and emotions, before responding to a post and consciously ask themselves, “Why would a reasonable, rational, decent person like me consciously choose to be disrespectful, uncivil and harm another person simply because their “information” is different from my “information?”

Gandhi said, “Be the change you want to see.” So, if you are engaging in uncivil, disrespectful, demeaning behaviors as a blogger, don’t wait for others to change their tone and tenor. It starts with you.

As Rumi says, “Out beyond right doing and wrong doing, there is a field; I’ll meet you there.” Come from that place in your blogs and interact from that part of yourself that is respectful, accepting, compassionate, empathic, and inclusive.

Bloggers can choose to play in that field with their colleagues; or they can choose to create and fight in a battlefield of words, of ego, hostility and lost identity. One brings happiness, collegiality, contentment and well-being; the other brings pain and suffering, mentally, emotionally, physically, socially, and spiritually.

Incivility and negativity are all about “resistance” to someone or something “out there” with which one feels uncomfortable, or threatened. Incivility and negativity are all about being “unconscious” of how one is in relationship. Incivility and negativity are all about the ego’s need for control, recognition and security and being unwilling to go “inside” and explore why one needs to hurt, be verbally abusive, and disrespect another. Incivility and negativity are largely about the mantras: “I’d rather be right than happy.” Or, “I have to be somebody at the expense of being seen as a nobody.” 

Life, after all, is choices. Do I choose to be reactive, hurtful, negative and uncivil? Why? Really, really, really, why? 

—————————————————–
(c) 2021, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful.
Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.

What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that “thing” is…maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”

I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.

I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com

You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TrueNorthPartnering

What is a conscious relationship?

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If you ask some couples, as I have, if they’re in a “conscious” relationship, some of the partners will respond, “Sure,” “You bet!” “Of course!” and the like. Then, I might ask, “Are you in a relationship where you’re both completely transparent and honest with each other?” Being transparent means that you honestly, openly directly and consistently tell the truth to your partner – about your feelings, desires, fantasies, thoughts, actions, and all other important aspects of your experience.

This is usually when one or the other, or both, become a little uncomfortable. They may shift their bodies, squirm a bit, fidget a little or look down at the floor.

So, let’s explore what we mean by a “conscious” relationship. And, remember, nobody is bad or wrong. We are who we are, right here, right now. Our intention is to become more self-aware, more “conscious,” of who we are, and how we are, in this dance called relationship..To achieve greater peace of mind, body and spirit, alone and together.

 Friendship

Probably the most important ingredient of a conscious relationship is friendship. Friendship means that you actually “like” the other person. In fact, in many relationships one or the other partner might often remark, or think, that while they “love” their partner, they don’t really “like” him or her. John Gottman, relationship expert, and author of the best-selling, “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work,” says friendship is the “secret sauce” of happy and successful relationships. Specifically, friendship is “…a mutual respect for and enjoyment of each other’s company.” Friends know each other intimately…they are well-versed in each other’s likes, dislikes, personality quirks, hopes and dreams.”

The importance of friendship cannot be overstated. Many relationships fail because, at the outset, they were created based on the “packaging” rather than on a deeper, more substantial connection, such as true friendship.

Problem Solving

A second element contributing to a conscious relationship is how the partners deal with conflict. Partners in a conscious relationship are able, and willing, to meet conflict head-on, explore their own and the other’s goals and move towards solutions that are mutually beneficial. 

The most important element in conflict resolution between partners is that each partner openly communicates they accept the other’s personality. Successful conflict resolution depends on “knowing and believing” your partner understands you. And, friendship supports this understanding. 

In relationships where friendship is nonexistent or waning, one and/or the other partner often feels misunderstood, judged or even rejected by the other. Successful conflict resolution is all about telling the truth  – truth-telling from the perspective of a friend, not an adversary. 

Conscious relationships approach conflict resolution from a place of “I don’t have to be right,” rather than “I need to be right, so you need to be wrong.” Mutual respect and win-win are the operating principles. “We,” not you vs. me.

Communication

Open and honest communication is one of the most fundamental foundations upon which a conscious relationship rests. Open and honest communication keeps the relationship alive and growing. Open and honest communication forces one to be a truth-seeker and a truth-teller – no blaming, no pointing fingers, no denial, no one-upping, no deception and no defensiveness. Emotions, feelings, fears – it’s all good.

Clarity

A third characteristic of a conscious relationship is that each partner is clear about their own life purpose, goals, visions, and dreams. In addition, each is proactively curious about these same aspects of their partner. Further, in conscious relationships, each partner is supportive of (rather than be threatened by) the other’s purpose, visions, and goals, and contributes to their partner’s journey. Moreover both partners are absolutely clear about their own and their partner’s requirements,needs and wants when it comes to such factors as: monogamy, drug-taking, open communication, money, shared responsibilities, religion, children, parenting, in-laws, etc.

Quallity Time

Another characteristic of a conscious relationship – and this is a very critical point especially in this age of social networking – is that both partners actively choose to spend quality time together, even though at times it may seem uncomfortable or even irritating. This is especially true when one of the other partner is caught up in social networking or electronic gadgetry or personal hobbies. Conscious relationships are first and foremost about the partners’ both finding and making time for each other even when it is inconvenient. In essence, this means that one views one’s partner as a priority in their life.

Intimacy

Intimacy is another element that supports a conscious relationship. Intimacy is the container in which partners can talk with each other, and be and feel vulnerable, in a place that is safe and secure. In this space, partners can openly speak about their deepest secrets, and their deepest fears in a way that allows one’s partner to see inside them. With respect to sex, intimacy means requesting what you want and responding in kind to your partner’s requests. As John Gottman says, partners in conscious relationships, “see lovemaking as an expression of intimacy but they don’t take any differences in their needs or desires personally.”

Trust

Conscious relationships create, from the very outset, a container of trust. Partners in a conscious relationship continually build on this mutual trust. It is this solid foundation of trust that supports one or the other partner to muster courage, strength, will, and steadfastness to move away from anyone or anything that might threaten their relationship. 

Equality

In a conscious relationship, no one is “better” than the other. Each brings to the relationship their own, personal biography and biology – their fears, their worries, their challenges, their weaknesses and strengths.

Partners in a conscious relationship are not obsessed with power, control or influence. Each partner in a conscious relationship has his or her own boundaries which the other both understands and respects (because they have discussed these fully  openly and honestly),.

Consciousness

Partners in a conscious relationship are continually moving toward increased awareness and consciousness with respect to “who I am” and “how I am” in their relationship. If either or both partners are lacking in some area of interpersonal, interactive skills, they’re open to learning what they need to know -knowledge or skills.  Especially, being open to having a  conversation about “how to have a conversation.”

 In essence, a conscious relationship means that one partner relates to himself or herself through the other. Each partner acts as a mirror for the other. Each becomes, and this is critical, a source of feedback for the other. Not judgmental, not critical, but from an open, loving, heart – felt place, each partner mirrors back the other. It’s this mirroring that fosters self-awareness and growth.

Everyone is wounded in childhood. And we heal in relationship. But only if we choose to. Those in a conscious relationship have made this choice to heal and grow through their relationship.

When two conscious individuals work in harmonious fashion, growth and change result. Much of this change revolves around dealing with old, self-destructive and self-sabotaging patterns of behavior, fueled by emotional baggage that each of the partners has brought with them from childhood.

Being in a conscious relationship is not easy. Being in any relationship is not easy. The difference? In a
conscious relationship old wounds and hurts don’t simply surface over and over again but are worked on, massaged, metabolized and understood and in the process of understanding and forgiveness of self and other, both partners change.

In a conscious relationship, where true Love (and like) exist from moment to moment, each partner supports the other, without judgment, and from a place of compassion, understanding and empathy. This is the ground for emotional and spiritual growth and healing. It’s not always an easy experience. It takes a great deal of strength, courage, caring and commitment to become conscious.

Conscious relationships are the answer to serial monogamy, continued failed relationships, and to dysfunctional and co-dependent relationships.

Heart- and soul-centered, conscious relationships are a journey, never a destination, but a journey well worth taking. 

Some questions for self-reflection:

  • Would you describe your relationship as conscious? If, not, what’s standing in the way? How so?
  • If you’re not in a conscious relationship, how does that make you feel? How so?
  • Were your parents in a conscious relationship when you were growing up?  If they were, if they weren’t, what was that like for you?
  • If you are not in a conscious relationship, what would it look like and feel like to be in one?  What would it take?

—————————————————–
(c) 2021, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful.
Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.

What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that “thing” is…maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”

I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.

I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com

You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TrueNorthPartnering

Does Self-Help, Help?

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Who among us has not been on some type of self-help journey at one point or another? Who among us bemoans the fact we’re not experiencing inner peace, balance or harmony in our lives – or that we can’t seem to bring about the change and transformation we’re seeking?

Why self-help doesn’t help.
Many of us will be familiar with the nagging feeling which says, “Heck, the more I read, attend lectures, seminars and workshops, meditate and chant, pray and say affirmations, the less I seem to be getting anywhere.”? What’s operating here?

The problem is that much of what is considered to be “self-help” doesn’t result in any real change or transformation. By transformation I mean the type of change that sees the “old you” die and a “new you” born. A “change” that means you’re not the person you used to be, that people you used to know wouldn’t recognize who you are now in some new or different way.

Positive thinking, affirmations, willpower, chants, praying, meditating and reading, etc.,  seldom leads to this sort of profound change. That’s because most of what passes for self-help goes no deeper than engaging your mind and, in this case, your spiritual ego. Real transformation requires a conscious connection with your higher self, not just your intellect – true transformation can’t be realized by thinking and doing alone. It requires work on a deeper level – a level you experience when engaging with your unconscious and with the darker forces within you.

Self-awareness is the key.
Self-awareness is the key building block of real change and transformation. Self-awareness – and a conscious understanding of who and how you are – forms the basis of becoming “conscious'”

Critically, becoming conscious is not about rationally exploring who you are. Rather, it’s about “not knowing” who you are. It’s about turning inward and exploring yourself from the deeper recesses and dimensions of your being, from the perspective of your unconscious self.

Paradoxically, self-awareness can only arise from an exploration of what you don’t know about yourself.

The truth is, you’re more often influenced by what you are unaware of (in yourself) than what you are aware of. True change and transformation cannot evolve from “playing it safe” – dealing only with the parts of yourself that you know, or feel safe or comfortable with.

Deeper questions lead to self-awareness.
Do you ever dream about people you dislike or with whom you have a contentious relationship? Do you ever wonder why you take an immediate dislike to someone you’ve never met? Do you ever think about rash judgments you make about people, places, events or circumstances? Do you ever wonder why people trigger your control, recognition or security buttons?

The “rational” person, of course, has all the answers and reasons why. But rather than trying explain these feelings by rationalizing them, if you begin to appreciate what’s operating in your unconscious you can start to understand why you are the way you are.

Often, engaging in this exploration, in this curiosity, will reveal the uncomfortable, fearful, resistant or angry parts of yourself that exist on an unconscious level – parts that need to be explored, and worked with, (not suppressed, repressed or denied) if you choose to truly change and transform.

Curiosity
For example, if you become curious about why you need to soothe your anxieties by shopping, eating, drinking or controlling, you may discover that part of you is an insecure child within who feels abandoned, lost or ignored and is searching for safety and security in materialism.

Rationally, many will agree (based on the “self-help” stuff they’ve read or heard), that materialism represents “comfort food” when deeper love, appreciation, or acknowledgement is lacking. But many of these same folks are reluctant to go deeper to explore “why?”. They can’t or won’t tolerate exploring the unconscious addictions that drive them to behave in ways that bring them a false sense of comfort or ways that help them avoid or deny their feelings.

It’s all about the truth
Real self-help is not about dancing around the truth of who you are – with all your fears and the discordant music playing within. It’s about trusting your Innate Intelligence to deal with what’s really “up” with you. That means being open to, aware of and reflective about your subconscious self when your behaviors, thoughts, words and emotions are triggered in your daily life.

When you approach your life with curiosity, without judgment, and welcome the truth of your unconscious, you embark on the journey to wholeness and begin to discover who you are in the greater context of healing yourself. This is the real self-help journey of change and transformation.

Some questions for self-reflection:

  • Do you consider yourself a “self-help junkie?” If so, how is this working for you? Are you behaving differently? What would those around you say? Honestly.
  • Do you explore your emotions and your darker side? If not, why not?
  • To whom or what are you strongly attracted? What aspects of your subconscious might account for this?
  • Do you feel a strong prejudices or hatred towards someone or something? How so? Why do you think this is happening?
  • Do you ever explore your dreams?
  • Is your experience with self-help more about gathering “information” than authentic, deeper behavior change?
  • How much time and money do you spend on “self-help” a year? Is there a real return on your investment, over and above simply knowing more stuff? Are you honestly be-ing different?
  • How often do you engage in deep self-reflection (not thinking), exploring not “the way I am” but “why am I the way I am?”

(c) 2021, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful.
Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.

What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that “thing” is…maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”

I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.

I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com

You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TrueNorthPartnering