What Legacy Will You Leave?

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Man spends his life on Earth, weaving a tapestry of moments, dreams, and connections. Yet, like all men before him, he too shall pass, leaving behind imprints on the world’s canvas, forever woven into the fabric of existence.

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Refusing to Let Go

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Refusing to Let Go

“We cannot live the afternoon of life according to the program of life’s morning; for what in the morning was true will in evening become a lie.” ­Carl Jung

Life -­ at work, at home, at play, and in relationship – evolves daily, even moment to moment.

We’ve heard the expression “change is the one constant in life.” Every day we experience change in some way, shape or form. For many, change is unsettling;­ it dredges up our feelings of insecurity, instability and disharmony.

 The pain and suffering of change

These uncomfortable feelings and emotions do not come from the change itself. Rather, our experience of the pain and suffering we experience with change results not from the experience of change, but from efforting to hold on ­ to the past, to familiar ways of thinking, be-ing and do-ing. Perhaps you’ve recently reacted to, or resisted calls for, change in your work, in your life at home, in your relationships or even in the habits and patterns you’re accustomed to in your play and recreation.

Fear of change

Underneath our reactivity to change is some type of fear ­ e.g., fear of the unknown, fear of new ways of doing things or thinking about things, fear about having to learn something new, fear of letting go, fear of being different, fear of “who I might become” and the like. This fear presents a tremendous opportunity for personal and professional growth. How so?

When we experience our fear around change, a powerful question to explore is, “What am I afraid of?” This exploration allows us to dig deeper and understand what’s beneath our fear ­- an opportunity to see what we can learn about our fear, what fear is telling us. If we enter this exploration from a place of curiosity, rather than from self-judgment (i.e., feeling “bad” or “wrong” with our discomfort around change), we can begin to be at peace with out fear. We can watch it. We can observe it as it moves through us. But we don’t have to “become” it. We can just be with it. We can have fear, but not be afraid.

Rather than denying or resisting our fear, talking a detour to move around it, suppressing it or controlling it, we can lovingly and compassionately invite ourselves to come into direct contact with our fear and see what it wants to teach us about ourselves.

 Fear can lead to love

Fear and love are on opposite ends of a continuum. The more we can be with our fear, allow it, understand it and learn from it, the greater our ability to experience life from the love side of the continuum ­ where change is not so threatening. On the love (of ourself) side, we feel less resistance to change, we are more capable of “going with the flow,” we have less need to control, and surprisingly, we find we are more trusting when change happens – at work, at home, at play and in relationship.

The first step towards being OK with change is acceptance ­ acceptance not of the change, but acceptance of yourself, of your fears around the change, believing that it’s OK to feel your feelings. The next step is to go inside and explore what’s underneath your fears. Really explore and not try to “think” your fear away (an art form in Western culture). Once you accept yourself as you face change, you become more clear about the causes of your fear, your reactivity and resistance. You develop the capacity to be more open to allow change. Exploring your fear from this place will lead you to “right knowing,” “right understanding” and “right action” with respect to the change.

 Tension leads to growth

The beauty of the fear, and the tension around it, is that without tension growth is not possible. A seed cannot grow without tension. Some seeds need cold, some need warmth. When seeds begin to grow, they meet the resistance of their shell. As such, they need to push through the soil ­ some even need to push through concrete or macadam -­ and then against gravity and the wind. The deal is that none of these resistance elements inhibits the seed from growing but, rather, they enhance its growth into a mature and strong plant. This is why fear is an opportunity for growth.

So, at work, and at home, at play and in relationship, we can learn to grow through change -­ we cannot change and grow while resisting, defending and holding on to the status quo, hanging on to dear life. Change is not a threat to growth but, rather, an integral part of it.

Resisting change and the illusion of “comfort”

Many folks resist change in order to remain “comfortable.” But, the comfort they wish to hang on to is “wrapped” in fear, in a quiet or not-so-quiet mental/emotional state of vigilance or subtle agitation masquerading as “comfort” (always fearful that something or someone will “change”). In this place of “faux” comfort, one cannot experience true and real comfort, true and real inner harmony and peace. What these folks really want is harmony; what they really experience is inertia and numbness.

Harmony comes when one is at peace with one’s life and one’s environment, when one is open to change and adaptation ­ not resistant to it.

Hanging on for dear life, does not result in a dear life. It results in tension, stress, anxiety, resistance and resentment.

Exploring our fear and resistance is the pathway to harmony and inner peace, personal and professional growth, development, harmony and balance.

Finally, remember, life is change. Life is choices. Whether you embrace change or come to it kicking and screaming is your choice. We cannot grow and thrive without change, conflict and tension. Avoiding change, denying change, resisting change keeps us feeling like a victim, always wanting to blame someone or something for the way we feel.

When we choose to explore our resistance and fear around change, we learn more about ourselves, become stronger, more courageous, more autonomous, more willful, more resiliant and more engaged in living life.

Change is an opportunity for us to navigate our world with our eyes “wide open,” not “wide shut”. Change allows us to grow our minds, stretch beyond our mental limits and emotional boundaries. Change allows us to move through life with a greater degree of trust, freedom and harmony.

 Moving beyond your fear

So, here’s an exercise to support you to move beyond your fear:

Acknowledge and really feel your fear without judging and criticizing yourself. Allow your fear. Invite it in.

Ask your fear what it’s there to tell you. Be alert for inner messages that will bring you greater understanding of your situation. Listen with your heart, your inner self, not your “logical-ego mind”.

Be fully present. Relax into your body. Breathe deeply and continuously into you belly. Be curious.

Ask your higher knowing: “What can I do to improve my situation? What do I need to know and understand?”

Taking action on what you discover helps get your energy moving. (Action absorbs anxiety; paralysis doesn’t.)

Some questions for self-reflection are:

• What is your greatest fear? Why do you fear what you’re fearing?
• Are there aspects of yourself you reject? How so?
• Where are you experiencing tension or conflict in your life? Where are you struggling facing major challenges? (career, home, play, relationship, finances, health…?)
• Do you face change with ATTENTION or TENSION?
• How can you use tension and conflict to grow stronger, and become more authentic, as you?
• What is a current change or conflict in your life telling you? What area of potential is it pointing to? What quality about your self is it pointing to?
• Are your current tensions or conflicts the same as last year, the year before and the year before that? If so, how so?
• Would you characterize yourself as an embracer of change or a victim of change? How so?
• Do you feel you have the right and the power to decide how anyone or anything can affect you?
• Would your colleagues, friends or family say you most often embrace change or resist change?
• Are you hanging on for dear life in some way, shape or form in your life? How so?
• How did you and your family deal with change as you were growing up?
• Do you rey on beliefs that supported you in your youth to help you deal with change in your current stage of life? Are these beliefs truly supporting you now or are they causing you discomfort in some way (and yet you still cling to them)? How so?

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(c) 2023, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful.

Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.

What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that “thing” is…maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”

I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.

I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, http://www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com

You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda. Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TrueNorthPartnering

“…he not busy being born is busy dying” – Bob Dylan Part 2

I received a number of responses to Part 1. One, in particular, struck me. It was from a woman who has worked in the helping profession – a teacher for 42 years, most of them with a focus on children and youth with mild to severe emotional/behavioral problems, and 15 years as a Certified Hypnotist. She just turned 80 and recently received a diagnosis of “Mild Cognitive Dysfunction with Alzheimer’s disease. It is step one of 10 in the Alzheimer’s steps.”

What struck me is her “busy being born” approach to life and living. Here is some of what she shared (with her permission). I deleted personal and other specific details.

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“… I think I’m really trying to pack in as much activity as I can while I can. Two choir practices weekly, two service committees at _____, just finished leading a 6 weeks Zoom book class at _____. Then there’s a monthly coffee house, monthly master mind group, and monthly bring-a-bagged lunch after church gathering to discuss anything on our minds.  This a.m. I played (piano) a version of Pachelbel’s Canon before the meditation. And sang a song with our church choir. I get to play at church every couple of months. Then there’s exercise, cleaning, going to doctors, and having to rest.

 The Emory clinic has Clinical Social Workers for those in my situation. I’ve had a couple of Zoom appointments with one and will have my third tomorrow. They are equipped to give good advice regarding my situation. I haven’t told (my daughter) yet and the social worker says when I’m ready we could do a virtual visit with ___.    

Around a year ago I started getting the message, “Be with people,” as my current way of serving, vs helping people overcome whatever was limiting them as I saw my role for so many years. I’m probably overdoing it at times, but I am enjoying my many activities and wonderful people in my life.

May 5th, 6th, and 7th, I am going to the annual Women’s group retreat in the mountains in GA. 

I have not practiced the choral music for my long time choral group enough and now am needing to seriously study it for our upcoming concert on Saturday… We have rehearsals on Monday and Friday night that same week….”

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I think she’s a fine model of resilience, a popular concept these days. And rather than explore her resilience from the 50,000 foot level, she models it literally “at 9 o’clock Monday morning.” You know, “busy being born” in a minute-to-minute, day-to-day, week-to-week approach to her life. 

She models the six indicators of resilience ( e.g., as describes in the Personal Resistance Indicator – PRI):  HEALTH – lifestyle choices and routines supporting physical and mental wellbeing; PURPOSE – sense of meaning in life and determination to pursue goals; PROBLEM-SOLVING – resourcefulness to overcome unexpected challenges; PERSEVERANCE – optimism and flexibility to deal with and push through setbacks; COMPOSURE – the ability to respond rather than react to stressful situations; RELATIONSHIPS – degree of social support and connection to others and  EMOTIONAL-EXECUTIVE BALANCE – a “clinical” neuro/psychological/biological understanding and approach to dealing with stress.

The Mayo Clinic emphasizes the importance of resilience as a critical strategy in coping with life’s challenges and as a strategy to help protect you from various mental health conditions, such as depression and anxiety. Getting connected, making every day meaningful, learning from experience, remaining hopeful, taking care of yourself and being proactive – tools the Clinic recommends – are woven through her daily “busy being born” life.

The Cold Within

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While I was out walking this morning, I was reflecting on the cloud of sadness that envelops the planet – the sadness that lies underneath the anger, vitriol, disrespect, resentment, jealousy, rage, hate, fear, terror and confusion that inform and drive so many folks in their day-to-day dealings with others.

Then, coming back home, I happened on this poem and thought, “Hmmm, synchronicity.” So, I thought I’d share it with you this week.

The poem, written in the 1970s by James Patrick Kinney called, “The Cold Within” reminds me (us?) what’s at stake as we collectively (like it or rot) move forward.

“Six humans trapped by happenstance,
In black and bitter cold.
Each one possessed a stick of wood,
Or so the story’s told.

Their dying fire in need of logs,
The first woman held hers back.
For on the faces around the fire,
She noticed one was black.

The next man looking ‘cross the way,
Saw one not of his church,
And couldn’t bring himself to give,
The fire his stick of birch.

The third one sat in tattered clothes;
He gave his coat a hitch.
Why should his log be put to use,
To warm the idle rich?

The rich man just sat back and thought,
Of the wealth he had in store,
And how to keep what he had earned,
From the lazy, shiftless poor.

The black man’s face bespoke revenge,
As the fire passed from his sight,
For all he saw in his stick of wood,
Was a chance to spite the white.

And the last man of this forlorn group,
Did naught, except for gain.
Giving only to those who gave,
Was how he played the game.

The logs held tight in death’s still hands
Was proof of human sin.
They didn’t die from the cold without
They died from the cold within.”

Some questions for self-reflection:

• How does this poem relate to your life today? Are there real-life situations where you see people being like the six people in the poem? How so?
• How does your body respond as you read this? What emotions or feelings do these sensations communicate? Do you ever feel” cold within?” How so?
• Could you see the six people as representing different parts of your personality or character? How so? Do you see any part of you reflected in one or more of these individuals? How so?
• What if the poem had focused on a seventh person who did share their wood? What could you learn from this person?
• Could the poem be seen as a commentary on society as a whole, rather than just individual behavior? In what ways might we be like the six people in the poem, and how could we work to change that? How might you work to change that?
• How does the poem relate to the concept of justice and fairness? Does it suggest that justice is about treating everyone equally, or does it suggest that justice is about making sure that everyone has what they need? Do you care?
• What role do personal beliefs and values play in the story? Are any of the characters acting out of a particular belief system or worldview, and if so, what does that tell us about the importance of beliefs in shaping behavior? What are some of your beliefs that shape your own behavior?
• Have you ever lived your life from a “zero-sum” game perspective? How so?
• Do you ever exhibit jealousy, resentment, “righteous indignation,” arrogance, “giving to get” behaviors, revenge, spite, guilt, shame, confusion…? How so? Under what circumstances? Do you try to justify your feelings or behaviors? How so? What are the stories you use to justify your behavior?
• What are you doing with your stick of wood these days? What does that look like, feel like, sound like? What are others saying about you?
• Do you think the main theme of this poem is empathy and compassion? Something else?

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(c) 2023, Peter Vajda, Ph.D., C.P.C.  and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful.
Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.

What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that “thing” is – maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”

I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.

I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com
You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda.
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TrueNorthPartnering

“…he not busy being born is busy dying” – Bob Dylan

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Source: song: It’s Alright, Ma (I’m Only Bleeding)

Bob Dylan’s quote “he not busy being born is busy dying” is a reflection on the idea that life is about growth and change. The quote suggests that those who are not actively engaged in personal growth and development are essentially wasting their time and are slowly dying inside, or becoming stagnant.

In other words, if you are not constantly learning, growing, evolving, embracing new ideas, perspectives and experiences and challenging yourself to be better versions of yourself, you are not fully living. To Dylan, a life worth living is one where we are always seeking new experiences, learning from our mistakes and striving to be our best selves. In this way, the quote can be seen as a call to action, encouraging us to make the most of our time on earth by staying curious, open and engaged in the world around us. If someone is not actively seeking new experiences or learning new things, then they are simply wasting away and not fully living their life.

So, how about you?

Questions for self-refection:

How can you make the world (humanity, flora, fauna…) a little bit better today because of your presence upon it? Will you?

Can you do something today that makes you happy, revitalizes you, fills you up with joy, helps you fall in love with life? Will you? How so?

Would you consider engaging in one or more of these personal growth challenges today:

Do something you hate to do.

Do something you don’t like to do.

Do something you never have time to do.

Do something that’s not like you. (If you’re unsure or unclear about what this might mean, ask your spouse/partner or a close friend – they’ll tell you in a heartbeat.)

When you experience a painful, unpleasant or challenging situation, can you focus on the “good” around it? Can you see the gift this challenge is offering you?

Can you do something for another today?

Can you surround yourself with peace and happiness while you’re feeling “pain?”

When you’re facing a setback, can you ask, “Why is this happening FOR me?”

Rather than resist the fight to challenge (a person, event, circumstance…), can you ask yourself, “How can I be more flexible, adaptable, and see this as an opportunity for personal growth?” Yes/No? How so?

Can you view every person, place, object, event, circumstance, and experience in your life, as your “teacher?” Can you be curious about the learnings/lessons (about you) life is giving you? Yes or no? How so?

Are you suppressing or repressing your creative juices or instincts? Are you fearful of allowing your “creative side” to show? How so? What excuses (they’re never reasons) do you make for squashing the creative side of yourself? When did you first learn to suppress your creative side? What one creative act can you engage in today? Will you?

Are you currently engaged or involved in growth and learning opportunities in your work? How so? If not, how can you make it happen?

How willing are you to explore new/different perspectives about one belief that you hold as sacrosanct?

Do you ever feel you are wasting your time “down here?” What’s that like?

What have you learned about yourself from a recent mistake you made? Are you open to learning from your mistakes? How so?

Do you think you’re making the most of your time “down here?” Why, or why not? How so?

How able are you to embrace the “suck” in your life? Do you ever meditate on the “suck” in your life?

Looking on the past day, week, month year, years, are you busy being born or busy dying? How so?

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(c) 2023, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful.
Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.

What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that “thing” is…maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”

I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.

I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com
You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda. Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TrueNorthPartnering

Are “Difficult People” Really “Difficult?”

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Google “working with difficult people,” and you’ll get about 2,330,000,000 results; “difficult coworkers,” a whopping 128,000,000 results.

They’re everywhere
In most every organization – i.e., work, home, play, etc. – we come face to face with folks who push our buttons, antagonize, frustrate, annoy or otherwise trigger us. They make us want to scream, or worse. Usually, we refer to such folks as “difficult people.” Some we label simply irritating; others we label rude and there are those we label impossible to work/be with. So, what makes people “difficult?”

“Difficult,” of course, is in the eye of the beholder

In the eye of the beholder
The question is not what makes them difficult, but what we tell ourselves about them that makes them difficult. What we tell ourselves that supports our being triggered, reactive. We concoct stories about such folks (“S/he is (fill in the blank with your negative judgment, criticism, or descriptor.”) that characterizes them as difficult.

The truth about difficulty
When we drill down to the truth of the difficulty characterization, experience suggests that it’s not so much that another’s behavior is all that egregious, outlandish or aberrant. The truth of the difficulty matter is that often the difficulty is not so much the other individual as it is the stories we tell ourselves about that person. What happens is we have created a story about that person – a story we assume to be real and true.

How do we know our story is true?
So, when we feel the urge to label another as difficult, a first step is to check out the reality of our story, the facts. Here are three self-reflective questions to support your inquiry:

1. What is that person doing/being, that is problematical for me?

What are the observable and measurable behaviors that point to “difficult?” Often, when caught up in reactivity, or flooded by emotions, we lose sight of the observable facts and simply respond with a knee-jerk judgment, such as “Well, it’s nothing specific; they’re just being a jerk (or worse).”

Because we’re so attached to our story, we often fail to specify the details that indicate the person is, in fact, difficult. So, ask yourself, “If someone gave me the same feedback I’m directing to another person, would I know exactly how to do/be differently?” If not, you’re telling yourself a story, so it would serve you to deal with specifics.

2. Do you allow your story to cloud your view of that person?

When we create stories, we create a subjective, judgmental way we choose to view that person. For example, if I choose to believe another is lazy, then I turn the radio dial in my head to the station that features only “lazy” tunes and, as such, I’m always on the lookout for, and listening for, ways that person is behaving lazy in order to prove the truth of my story.

If I choose to believe my boss is friendlier with a colleague and is ignoring, or rejecting me and my work, then I turn the radio dial to pick up rejection tunes and look and listen for incidents which allow me to say, “See, there they goes again; they like that other person and is not concerned with me or my work.”

We create distortions that support us to prove we are right, that our story is true. We look to gather lots of evidence to prove our story. We don’t stand back and ask ourselves, “Is this the whole story?” “Is my story really the truth?” “Is it possible I’m distorting things a bit?” “In fact, is this person perhaps, just perhaps, not the (idiot, jerk, bad person…) I make him or her out to be?” “Could I be mistaken?”

3. Do you behave a certain way toward that person based on your story?

The bottom line is our stories influence our behavior. Our stories (and their attendant beliefs, thoughts, assumptions, preconceptions, misperceptions, etc.) trigger our emotions and feelings and it is our emotions and feelings that drive our behavior (often unconsciously) towards the other.

So, it’s important to take steps to become conscious of our stories. Two questions that can help in this vein are: How do I behave toward another based on my story? And, am I building a case against another, or attempting to solidify a case against another, based on my story?

The antidote – curiosity, not judgment
A next step is to become curious as to whether I’m perpetuating another’s behavior as a result of my story. Am I contributing to that other person’s being difficult through my story and reactivity?

Yes, there are difficult people in the world. The question is whether some of these folks are really difficult, or whether I’m a major contributing factor to their being difficult through my story. And how do I know the difference.

Reflect first
Finally, I invite you to reflect on the following thoughts that could inform your inquiry into difficult people and your stories about them:

(1) Everyone is in chapter three of their life. We often base our criticisms and judgments of another on the assumption we know what went on in chapters one and two. Truth is, we don’t know.

(2) Ask yourself: “Why would a rational, decent, fair-minded and well-meaning individual behave like a jerk (or fill in the blank with another difficult descriptor)?” And then, compassionately, give them the benefit of the doubt before you make up your story or justify your story as the truth.

(3) No one (read: no one) ever gets up in the morning and says, “I’m going to be a jerk today.” Maybe move to place of compassion and give the other the benefit of the doubt.

Some questions for self-reflection:

• How do you generally react when you come across a “difficult” person? How so?
• Do you ever give a difficult person the benefit of the doubt? Why, or why not?
• What does labeling someone as “difficult” get you?
• Do you ever make judgments about folks, assuming you know all about them (chapters one and two)?
• Have you ever asked colleagues, bosses, friends, spouse/partner or child(ren) if you’re a difficult person? If not, would you? If not, why not?
• Have you even been judged as difficult or been judged harshly or unfairly? How did you feel?
• Have you ever been told you were quick to judge?
• Do you ever make up stories about people? How do your stories make you feel?
• Do you ever feel compassionate towards difficult people? Do you ever defend “difficult” people? How so?
• Do you ever justify your own being difficult while admonishing others for their being difficult? What’s the difference?
• When the choice is between seeing another as a human being or a villain (difficult), which do you normally choose? Why?
• What one or two baby steps might you take this week and next to discern the facts about someone you might have labeled as difficult to see if your story is, really, really true?

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(c) 2023, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful.
Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.

What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that “thing” is…maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”

I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.

I coach by phone, Zoom, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com
You can also follow me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TrueNorthPartnering

Heaven and Hell at W ork

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Heaven and Hell at Work
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One night, a man (generic) had a dream, and in the dream an angel comes and takes him on a tour of heaven and hell. They visit hell first. It turns out that hell, surprisingly enough, is a huge banquet room, with tables full of all the food and drink one could possibly want. The people at the tables, however, are angry, frustrated, rude, despairing, depressed, stressed, thin, emaciated and wasting away. The silverware in hell is about four feet long and can only be picked up at one end. Thus, all these folks, who are interested only in feeding themselves, are unable to do so, are unable to manage a four-foot utensil in such a way they can bring the other end to their own mouth.

They leave hell and then go to visit heaven.

It turns out that heaven, surprisingly enough, is also a huge banquet room, with tables full of all the food and drink you could possibly want. The folks in heaven are joyful, happy, content, engaged, and manifest a healthy sense of well-being. The silverware is exactly the same as in hell, four feet long and can only be picked up at one end. The difference? Here, in heaven, the people are reaching across the table and feeding each other. (This teaching is often attributed to Rabbi Haim of Romshishok-Adapted by Grian A. Cutanda (2019).)

In every conscious, healthy social system, in every work environment, everyone, yes, everyone, makes a contribution – overtly or covertly, actively or passively, consciously or unconsciously and, most importantly, for the “good of the order” or, conversely, for the “ill of the organization” – but everyone, i.e., you, contributes one way or another.

Your beliefs about yourself and your colleagues and how you see others contribute to whether you are creating heaven or hell in your life in some way, shape or form.

How do you experience life in your organization (or, in your family or relationship)?

Who are you feeding?

Is your life at work centered on feeding your self?

Consider:

Is your life at work “all about me?”  Is “What’s in it for me?” your motive and mantra when you relate to others? Are you a bully, gossiper or blamer? Do coercion, dominance, power or control characterize your leadership or management style? Are folks expendable in a “take no prisoners’ approach to project management or meeting deadlines? Do you hoard information? Are you critical of others’ behaviors? Are your motives based solely on promotions, raises, corner offices and bonuses? Do you sacrifice integrity, trust, ethics or morals to garner money or prestige? Do you show favoritism? Do you see others as “stupid?” Do you ignore others’ requests, emails, and questions? Do you shun accountability for your actions and behaviors? Do you focus only on your own immediate tasks and responsibilities? Do you avoid conflict? Do you exhibit bias or prejudice? Are you disrespectful or uncooperative? Do you have hidden agendas? Do you make more statements than ask questions? Do you engage in irrational or argumentative thinking or emotional reactivity? Are you inflexible, selfish, arrogant or egotistical?

Or, perhaps your life at work is centered on feeding others?

Consider:

Do you encourage and inspire your colleagues? Do you live in integrity and authenticity? Do folks experience you as decent, honest, respectful and trustworthy? Do you assume accountability for your actions and mistakes? Do you think more about supporting others than about what’s wrong with others? Do you feel everyone has a right to a seat at the table? Are listening and coaching hallmarks of your leadership or management style? Do you show confidence in your direct reports? Do you exhibit empathy and concern for others’ well-be-ing? Are you energetic, upbeat, enthusiastic and optimistic? Do you encourage others to experience work-life balance? Are you self-aware and master of your emotions? Do you take time for self-reflection and encourage others to do so as well? Do you lead and manage with your heart as well as your head? Do you exude self-confidence? Do you live your organization’s values? Do you encourage others to contribute their thoughts, ideas and wisdom? Do you treat others like adults? Do you engage in open and honest communication, and give honest and timely feedback? Do you praise in public and deal privately with problems? Are you fair in your dealings with others? Do you act as a facilitator and guide? Are you an advocate for others? Are you humble? Do you make an effort to understand before being understood? Are you comfortable with conflict? Are you aware of your own limitations? Do you understand the challenges folks are facing and what frustrates them? Do you encourage collaboration and information sharing? Do you point out folks’ strengths? Do you honor your commitments and keep your promises?

Some questions for self-reflection:

• Are you contributing to your own or your colleagues’ experience of hell in your workplace?  If so, what story or stories do you make up to rationalize/justify your attitudes and actions to allow this to happen? How so?
• Are you contributing to your own or your colleagues’ experience of heaven in your workplace? What attitudes and actions support your contribution? How so?
• How might your colleagues answer these two questions regarding you, your attitudes and behavior? Honestly.
• How about life outside of work  – at home, at play and in relationships – who’s feeding whom?

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(c) 2023, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful.
Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.

What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that “thing” is…maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”

I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.

I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com
You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda. Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TrueNorthPartnering

Where Do You Swim?

Speaker page,  Facebook Page, Becoming a Better You book page

“This isn’t Omaha, Nebraska. This the big pond where the big fish play for big bucks. There’s sharks in these waters and you can get cut in half real quick. So before you dive in, give it a lot of thought”. – Charlie’s Angels (The movie)

Many of us spend enormous amounts of time, energy and effort trying to convince ourselves and others we are big fish in small ponds or even bigger fish in larger ponds. The reality? Most of us are little fish in little ponds. How so?

Our pond’s zip code
Most of us navigate our lives swimming around in little ponds – defined by our immediate circumstances and our immediate identity. Many of us have little to no idea what it’s like to see beyond our rational mind, our immediate thoughts, or our long-held beliefs. Most often, we are unable to even consider the possibility of there being another “reality” or “pond” out there.

The reason we never venture out to see if there is a larger pond is, generally, because (1) We feel content, secure and in control in our little pond (i.e., at least we think we are), (2) We’re afraid to look beyond the edges of our little pond; we swim around preoccupied and obsessed trying to make our “pond” work for us – being intimidated by the unknown “ponds” out there, or (3) we have no interest in exploring other ponds.

Many folks fall into reason number two, living in fear of the unknown and the related feelings of aloneness, abandonment and separation from what gives them a (false) sense of security. This false security is accompanied by a lack of trust and faith in even considering swimming in another pond.

So, in our small pond, we struggle to create a life of security, order, control and perfection. We swim to exhaustion while experiencing greater and greater stress, anxiety, and insecurity, trying to maintain greater and greater control.

A different pond
“ Something in a koi pond. They’re very zen.” – The Trial

What would it be like to venture into a different pond? To venture into a reality where we would give up the need to control, to give up the safe boundaries of our familiar pond, to surrender, to trust, to experience a new pond in a new way – i.e., accept new ways of do-ing and being, maybe even new ways of swimming without any preconceived notions of “pond-ness” – just jumping in and swimming?

What would happen if we were to leave behind our life preservers – our ego, beliefs, preconceptions, “stories”  and judgments and swim with faith, trust and surrender? What would it take to enter into a “new pond experience” at work, at home, at play or in our relationship? What would it be like to move into a new pond with an open mind and an open heart, without needing to control? What would it be like to swim in this new pond trusting that we won’t drown or lose our way?

Our mind can’t take us there
The deal is we can’t think our way into this new pond. We have to take a deep breath, let go and dive in without a life jacket, without resistance – i.e. without our familiar and habitual ways of thinking, acting, judging, doubting, or medicating ourselves in order to feel safe and secure.

In our familiar pond, we generally spend our swimming time in a normal thinking-judging-reacting mode or day-dreaming while in the throes of daily routines and habitual activities. In our new pond, we will need to be alert, aware and neutral.

Swimming with this new awareness, we are present in the immediate moment, not judging, not thinking and not reacting – just present and aware. Awareness fosters inner peace, well being, alertness and clarity. We are swimming without thinking, without our customary beliefs and thoughts.

In our new pond, we swim into familiar and new experiences with a sense of openness, kindness, service, compassion and curiosity. In this new pond, we are transformed; we seem to swim free of anxiety, depression, unhappiness, dissatisfaction, loneliness or deep sadness and longing.

In our new pond, we swim with strength, courage, power, contentment, joy and possibility. As the shark needs to continue swimming in order to breathe and access oxygen (i.e., to live), in our new pond and everyday activities, we must choose to remain present, authentic, and access our heart and soul – providing the “spiritual oxygen” that keeps us optimally alive, conscious, and alert.

Are you ready to dive in?
“Be not the slave of your own past. Plunge into the sublime seas, dive deep and swim far, so you shall come back with self-respect, with new power, with an advanced experience that shall explain and overlook the old.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Would you be willing to experience this new pond in order to experience well being, possibility, and a sense of groundedness?

If so, the first step is to explore your little fish in your little pond, taking stock of your habits, “stories,” beliefs, addictions (chemical and non-chemical), and self-limiting and sabotaging thoughts that keep your little fish depressed, suppressed and repressed. What is your little fish attached to, obsessive about, and driven by? What drives your little fish to want power, control, recognition and security?

Once you uncover what drives your little fish, and choose to let go of your ego needs to control and possess, your little fish begins to transform and morph into a trusting, surrendering allowing fish that is ready to swim in another pond.

Swimming, now powered by our heart and soul, we begin to build trust and faith that in every moment, we are guided to move in the right direction. We are more able to swim with other fish from a place, not of competition, envy or resentment, but a place of service, with an attitude of kindness and respect. We experience greater moments of synchronicity and connection with others. In this new pond, our sense of identity comes from a deeper place, not the place of our limited mind and ego.

Swimming with your eyes open
In this new pond, we must swim with consciousness, always being alert and awake. Swimming instruction gives us tools and techniques to support our new way of swimming, such as:

We need to continually be aware of our breath.
We need to allow our vulnerability.
We need to stay away from self-destructive beliefs, illusions and fantasies.
We need to pay attention to what we sense, feel and experience in our bodies.
We need to trust, surrender and let go of our dogmatic thoughts and beliefs.
We need to express gratitude consistently.
We need to trust our heart and soul to direct us to right knowing, right understanding and right action.
We need to be open to change, synchronicity and intuition.
We need to look for balance in our sense of our self, our finances, relationships, and daily activities.
We need to reconsider (re) prioritizing our goals so they truly support our inner sense of balance, harmony and well-being (not our ego).

The new pond with clear water
“Hiccup Hole isn’t just a pond. It’s a symbol… of freedom… and justice… and home, and country, and, and, and… apple pie!” –101 Dalmatians

Moving to a new pond and keeping our water clean, clear and life-sustaining, means allowing our “neutral mind” and knowing when our neutral mind is being muddied by our “rational and logical” mind. Our neutral mind is awake, alert, clear, and conscious. Our “rational and logical” mind is tangled up with worry, goals, judgments, invidious comparisons, and constant chatter and “busy-ness.”

The new pond of clear water at work, at home, at play and in relationship is still, quiet, peaceful and relaxed – in mind, in body and in breath. Here, we are awake and vigilant as we swim. We are open to new experiences, higher awareness, and the support of our heart and soul. We are mentally and emotionally at peace.

In this new place, there is no bigger pond, no better pond – just one pond. In this new place, we swim in the stillness of the moment, with our breath – free from the hustle and bustle of activities and the nagging of our rational mind. In this new place we transcend time and space while being present in time and space.

Some questions for self-reflection:

• Do you consider yourself a big fish in a small pond? How is it to constantly maintain that image?
• Do you always compete with the other fish in your pond? How so?
• Are you peaceful and content in your pond or are you always searching for a bigger pond? How so?
• Is the water in your pond clear, healthy, and sustainable? If not, why not?
• Do you need “chemicals” to keep your pond healthy?
• How would you describe life in your pond? Balanced, peaceful and harmonious or stressful, rough and stormy?
• Are your eyes clear as you swim?
• What kind of fish are you?
• Are you constantly searching for bait or being baited? What’s that like?
• Is your pond inundated with pond scum? Who or what accounts for this? How can you clean your pond to make it sustainable and life affirming?

“The roots of a lotus are in the mud; the stem grows up through the water, and the flower lies above the water, basking in the sunlight. This pattern of growth signifies the progress of the soul from the primeval mud of materialism, through the waters of experience, and into the bright sunshine of enlightenment.”  Buddhist Philosophy

Confucius, LI and Decency at Work

Confucius statue in Confucius Temple in Suzhou (China)

Speaker page,  Facebook Page, Becoming a Better You book page

The challenge for many in the workplace is simply this: how to be a business person and a human being at the same time, compete yet cooperate, be hard-nosed yet be ethical, keep one’s nose to the grindstone yet take time to see and acknowledge others, be professional yet personal, make a profit yet not be greedy. You get the picture.

We don’t have to look far to discover folks whose life at work takes the low road. Business magazines, journals, and news shows are replete with instances of individuals whose workplace demeanor is described as rude, insensitive, disrespectful, unethical, uncivil, egomaniacal and self-serving, greedy and dishonest. You might rub elbows with one or more such folks on a daily basis. And, all this despite the plethora of books, courses, seminars, workshops, policy and procedure manuals and treatises focusing on ethics and codes of conduct.

On the other hand, there are those whose lives at work are driven by their internal moral compass, a life at work guided by principles and values that support one to behave decently, truthfully and in integrity, who take the high road even when they face major challenges, problems and difficult choices.

What supports one to change lanes and move from the low road to the high road is Li, and Confucius expounded greatly on the nature and practice of Li.

Li, what is it?

Around 500 BCE, Confucius discussed the notion of Li, a spectrum of rites and rituals, i.e., a code of conduct, that focused on such things as learning, tea drinking, how to dress, mourning, governance, and interaction with humans. The underlying notion of Li was how to be respectful of nature, and one another. The term Li has several meanings, some of which are: propriety, reverence, courtesy, ritual or the ideal standard of conduct.

Li is what the sage uses to find that which is appropriate; it is both the means which sets the example for others, and the end which maximizes understanding, pleasure, and the greater good. In this way, the words and behaviors one uses to show respect for another are contained within the framework of Li.

As the practice of Li was continued through centuries, one central theme began to stand out – the natural tendency to be decent and kind towards one’s fellow human beings.

Confucius believed that Li was the source of right action in all behavior – that living life from a place of respect for all others was at the heart of living a harmonious and worthwhile life.

Li, however, does not come to one’s consciousness naturally. Li has to be cultivated. One must first learn and then practice the art of being in integrity, respecting the dignity of every human being and then become committed to, and disciplined in, the practice of Li.

Li in the workplace

The practice of Li runs the gamut from smiling at a co-worker, to holding a door open for another, to serving others, to being self-responsible, to questioning practices that are unethical, corrupt, and disrespectful or demeaning of others, each behavior having a conscious focus and intentionality on working toward and supporting the well-being of the workplace, and those who work there.

The challenge in today’s workplace is that the practice of Li is a practice that is, for many, one of fakeness, phoniness, and convenience where more often than not, rudeness and selfishness become the guiding principles where one is ego-driven and not cognizant of others around him or her, interrupting others at meetings, speaking over others, one-upping others, hijacking others’ experiences, needing to be the first one on and off the elevator, not holding a door for another, not saying please and thank you, and speaking ill of, or gossiping about, others. In fact, the opposite of Li is “me” i.e., rudeness, insensitivity, verbal abuse such as bullying, gossiping, and being disrespectful, and treating others as irrelevant.

Cultivating Li

The way to cultivate and practice Li at work begins with becoming conscious, asking one’s self: How am I behaving right here, right now? Am I taking an opportunity to allow my natural tendency to be decent, good and kind to arise? How am I showing up? Am I being authentic?

Li is not syrupy stuff. It’s not fluff. Its not being effusive. Its not being fake or phony. It’s not being patronizing. Li is being natural, honest, authentic, sincere, self-responsible and relaxed when we interact with another, any other.

Practicing Li does not mean we stop being firm and assertive, stop holding others accountable, stop telling the truth, stop telling the bad news, etc. Practicing Li allows us to come from a place of internal truth and integrity that supports us to be forthright, confident, courageous, and trusting that we will show up in a way that is respectful, decent and just be who we are right here and right now without the edge that we might heretofore have used to shore ourselves up.

Confucius believed that in order to truly achieve the principles of Li, the character of the true person, one must look within oneself. Confucius tells us to go inside in a sense, when he says, in effect, we know what is proper (i.e., Li), especially in difficult situations, from the wisdom arising out of contemplation. regularly going into self-reflection, inner listening, and sensing our gut, to accessing our inner wisdom that leads us to right knowing, right understanding and right action.

Cultivating the practice of Li supports us to live our life at work from a place of self-responsibility, honesty, decency, integrity, strength, courage, and humaneness even when we feel it might be inconvenient. Each of us is born with Li. Over time, however, we have lost our sense of Li as we allowed (often unconsciously) life to get in the way of being our True and Real, Authentic self. Over time, our Li morphed into fake personalities, fake personas, and masks. So, many of us became poseurs. In the process, we learned to navigate life, even life at work, with our eyes wide closed – reactive, fearful, and resistant, losing our humanity and decency.

Li supports us to live life, even life at work, with our eyes wide open.

Some questions for self-reflection:

• Do resentment or greed drive your interactions with others? How so?
• How might you experience fear in your workplace? How do you act when you feel fearful?
• Do you ever lie or stretch the truth? How so?
• Do you feel white lies are OK? Do you ever lie, cheat, or steal simply because it’s convenient…because you can? How so?
• Are there others you admire because of their integrity, sincerity and authenticity?
• Does you organization have a code of ethical conduct. Do you follow it? Do others?
• What one or two things can you do to cultivate and practice Li at work?
• Do you keep agreements?
• Do you admit when you are wrong? Do you apologize for mis-deeds?
• Do you have a personal code of conduct? Do you follow it? How so?
• Do you recognize the dignity in all others?
• Would folks at work (and at home and play) characterize you as a decent human being? Would you characterize yourself as a decent human being?
• Do you ever react to others in a way that communicates to them they are “irrelevant” or “irritants?”

—————————————————–
(c) 2023, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful.
Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.

What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that “thing” is…maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”

I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.

I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com
You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda. Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TrueNorthPartnering

Meddling – The Butterfly and The Cocoon

Speaker page,  Facebook Page, Becoming a Better You book page.

“The hearing that is only in the ears is one thing. The hearing of the understanding is another. But the hearing of the spirit is not limited to any one faculty, to the ear, or to the mind. Hence it demands the emptiness of all the faculties. And when the faculties are empty, the whole being listens. Then there is a direct grasp of what is right there that can never be heard with the ear or understood with the mind.” Chuang-Tzu, Chinese philosopher

In essence, the more we listen to what is going on inside our self, the better we understand what is happening outside. The more apt we are to allow the other to just be present in their experience, and not be so ego-driven to change, fix, advise, educate, console, story-tell, shut down, interrogate, explain or correct the other in their experience.

Believing that we have to in some way “fix” another is the paramount obstacle to being present to and with the other.

Each of us is exactly where we’re men to be on our journey. Not ahead; not behind. Exactly where we are in relationship to our personal cocoon, to the unfolding of who we are and how we are.

In our Western approach to living and to life, many of us are caught in the strong urge to fix, give advice, or reassurance and to explain, directly or indirectly, subtly or not so subtly “our own position” or feeling.

The Buddhist way

There is a Buddhist statement that says, “Don’t just do something; stand there.” Stand there and just “be” there, indeed.

When we’re engaged with others who are experiencing, pain or suffering in some way shape or form, what works with them, is asking ourselves, “How I can be respectful, empathic, and present?”, sensing our own body, breathing, being consciously conscious of where I am in allowing this field of experience, so that I can just “be” with this person, knowing that their experience is just as it should be, that, in fact, they do have whatever “answers” they need in this moment, i.e., their answers and their moment, not “my” answers and “my” moment.

The Butterfly and the Cocoon (anonymous)

A man found a cocoon of a butterfly.
One day a small opening appeared.
He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours
as it struggled to squeeze its body through the tiny hole.
Then it stopped, as if it couldn’t go further.

So the man decided to help the butterfly.
He took a pair of scissors and
snipped off the remaining bits of cocoon.
The butterfly emerged easily but
it had a swollen body and shriveled wings.

The man continued to watch it,
expecting that any minute the wings would enlarge
and expand enough to support the body,
Neither happened!
In fact the butterfly spent the rest of its life
crawling around.
It was never able to fly.

What the man in his kindness
and haste did not understand:
The restricting cocoon and the struggle
required by the butterfly to get through the opening
was a way of forcing the fluid from the body
into the wings so that it would be ready
for flight once that was achieved.

Sometimes struggles are exactly
what we need in our lives.
Going through life with no obstacles would cripple us.
We will not be as strong as we could have been
and we would never fly.

So, with respect to the butterfly and the cocoon, perhaps the individual’s “kindness” and “impatience” got in the way of the butterfly’s growth and development.

Meddling

So, it’s worth thinking about how we feel the need to meddle in another’s growth and developmental experience from “our” perspective, not theirs, from our states of impatience, or knowing, being the “sage,” from our ego-driven needs to be “right,” to have the answers, knowledge, wisdom, etc.

The question underneath the question is:

Why?
Really, why?
Really, really, really, why?

There’s much more inside each of our cocoons than simply air. There’s knowledge, wisdom, insight, energy, and much opportunity for growth – in mind, body and spirit. The question is whether we have the strength and courage to stay there for a while, and learn, and be, and allow others to do so as well.

Some questions for self-reflection:

• How did/do you experience your cocoon?
• Are you comfortable being with your own pain and suffering?
• Do you look outside immediately for answers to your pain and suffering?
• What is/are the message(s) or lesson(s) you’re getting from your challenge(s)? How so?
• How do you respond/react in the face of another’s challenges?
• Are you quick to want to change, fix, advise, educate, console, story-tell, shut down, interrogate, explain, or correct another when they are hurting in some way?
• Can you just “stand there?” Is that difficult for you? Be honest.
• One a scale of 1(low) to 10 (high) where would you rate yourself, generally, with respect to being (a) compassionate, (b) understanding and (c) empathic? Would your spouse/partner, child(ren), best friend, workmates, or other family members agree with you. Would you feel comfortable asking them?
• Can you love yourself and leave yourself alone (not judge, criticize or beat yourself up) when you’re experiencing pain and suffering?
• Can you honestly believe you’re exactly where you’re meant to be right now in your life? Why? Why not?

—————————————————–
(c) 2023, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful.  Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.

What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that “thing” is…maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”

I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.

I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com

You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TrueNorthPartnering