The reality, the truth, is no one else knows what’s best for us. And, conversely, we do not know what’s best for others. Our job, our responsibility is to determine what’s best for ourselves.
“I know exactly what you need.” I know what you should do.” I have the answer for you.” I don’t think you should do this.” “This is what you should be working on, focusing on, or pursuing right now.”
Each of these statements is bold, presumptuous, disrespectful and discourteous. These statements (or beliefs!) separate us from how we operate from a spiritual perspective in our lives – at work, at home, at play and in relationship. How so?
Each of us has the ability and the capacity to be able to discern and discover our own path, and our own way forward, right here and right now. This discerning and discovery is not always easy. Life is often about the struggle and effort that’s sometimes requires us to go inside and rest in this quiet, still place of discovery. The place of right knowing, right understanding and right action.
Advising others, educating others, making decisions for others, plotting and planning their journey and crafting their strategy for moving forward, is not our responsibility, nor should it be. Nor is it their responsibility to direct our journey, to find out path for us.
Even if you have some kind of “contract” with another – friend, relative, coach, counselor, clergy person, etc. – for guidance or support, no one else always knows what’s best for us, nor should we trust that they do.
Each of us is responsible for listening to the information that comes to us. It is also our responsibility to consciously sift through and sort out that information, and then “go inside” to weigh the merits of that information, to discern what we think and feel is best for us. Nobody can know that but each of us in our own way – nobody.
The way we can support, honor and truly respect others is to trust that they have their own internal guidance system, their own internal source of wisdom and their own internal capacity to discern what is in their best and highest good and interest, and that they will discover their path through trial and error – living life.
And us? To trust that we, each of us, through discovery in this moment, and the next moment, and the next moment – through the process of living life, making mistakes, taking wrong turns, stumbling and getting up – is the greatest gift we can give ourselves.
Some questions for self-reflection:
- Do you depend on others to make life choices for you – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? If so, do you know why?
- Do others rely on you to make life choices and decisions for them? And do you? Why?
- Is carving out your life’s path fearful, shaky? How so? Does the fear stop you? If so, why?
- What have you learned about yourself while discovering your own path?
- How/what did your parents or primary caregivers teach you about depending on them or others for support?
- Have you even been in a codependent (needy) relationship with another – parent, sibling, spouse or partner, coach, counselor or religious or spiritual guide? What was/is that like for you? What does/did it get you?
- Do you take time for journaling, reflecting or contemplation on a regular basis? Do you ever practice presence or mindfulness?
- What’s it like for you to sit in stillness or silence?
- How do you access your inner guidance or wisdom? Do you believe you have the capacity for inner guidance or wisdom? Do you trust your gut? When do you…when don’t you?
(c) 2014, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved. I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful. Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion. What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship?
Maybe you know what that thing is maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”
I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.
I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda.