In The Moment

 

 

 

 

 

 

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In the moment

“Love the moment, and the energy of that moment will spread beyond all boundaries.”
– Corita Kent

I’m a great believer in living in the now – albeit easier said than done. Being present. In the moment. And if you think about the future, where many of us live, what is the future? Actually, the future is nothing more and nothing less than billions and billions of “NOWs.” So, there’s now, and now, and now, and now, and now and now – no future, just “now.”

Life is a very long journey, sometimes pleasant, sometimes challenging. However it unfolds, life is still just a succession of moment – NOWs.

One moment is joyful, another sad, another frustrating, another benign, another terrifying. In fact, most of our NOWs are plain and ordinary. No highs, no lows. Just consistently ordinary.

Choosing

The choice is this: Do I choose to love the moment I’m in right now, or do I choose to loathe and suffer through the moment I’m in? The former points to experiencing a life you love, cherish and enjoy; the latter points to surviving, resisting and hating your life. How you view the moment is a choice. No one is twisting your arm; no one is pointing a gun to your head. It’s about you and how you choose to relate to your moments.

The “right time”

In essence, this moment, this NOW, is all there is. If you’re one whose mantra is “I’m waiting for the ‘right time’,” there’s a better than average chance you’re experiencing some degree of pain or suffering in some way, shape or form right now.

NOW is all there is. Generally, the “right time” never comes and if/when it does, it’s not when you expect it.

(Note: dreaming is fine except when you find yourself missing so many moments, so many NOWs that you’re living in the “future.” Lots of folks like this often lament, “Where did my life go?”. These are the folks who never truly “lived.” For these folks, the future never comes and when it does, they’re usually caught up in some other type of pain and suffering and waiting for another future, and another future and another future to arrive and bring their happiness.)

Now is all there is

“Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.”
– Anonymous

One key to happiness is to appreciate the moment and see the “sacredness” of each moment. Not the sacredness of religion or theology, per se, (however, that’s available if you choose), but appreciating the specialness, the good and seeing what joy exists in this moment, right here and right now. There is some degree of happiness in every moment, if we choose to focus on that happiness. (Victims and martyrs hardly ever do). Living in the future negates the happiness available in the moment.

Let go of the past and future

The reality is, life only happens now. Letting go of the future (and the past) allows you to bring the happiness you are into the moment, regardless of what you’re doing or what’s going on around you. Being in the moment, sensing into whatever element of happiness is available right here and right now (and it is, if you look for it, or allow it to arise) supports you to live this moment, and this moment, and this moment with ease, grace and joy.

Appreciating the NOW

“The more I give myself permission to live in the moment and enjoy it without feeling guilty or judgmental about any other time, the better I feel about the quality of my work.”
– Wayne Dyer

Living in the NOW and appreciating the NOW is not all that easy. Appreciating the NOW is about cherishing who you are, what you have, recognizing how good things are, and choosing to not focus on who you aren’t or what you don’t have. Appreciating the NOW is about allowing the ordinary. It’s about finding the inner peace within, right here and right now, just where you are – at your desk, on the elevator, commuting, doing the dishes, watching TV, reading this piece.

Appreciating the NOW means surrendering any discomfort, upset, negative emotion and feeling. When you can do that, and choose to do that, then a sense of appreciation, positivity, OK-ness will come in to fill the void in this NOW, and this NOW and this NOW.

Rather than waiting for quantum events to happen, appreciate the ordinary. Experience the happiness of a Wednesday signaling the middle of the week, or being at home on Friday night watching a movie or a sporting event or stopping for your favorite cup of coffee.

The ordinary is more than ordinary

As you choose to live in the moment, focus on the ordinary –  the sights, the sounds, the colors, shapes or textures, the tastes and aromas, the space in which everything exists, or the space between objects. That’s presence. That’s the state where we can become immersed in what is happening NOW, and NOW and NOW.

Finally, living in the moment means focusing your mind on what is good, just and right with your life and with the world, right here and right NOW, and NOW, and NOW and NOW. Soon, you’ll be able to see life in a positive light, even in the ordinary moments, and this new way of being will become second nature.

Allowing yourself to look for and appreciate what is here NOW and what is happening in this moment, and this moment, and this moment you’ll begin to notice that your mind relaxes and embraces the moment with greater ease.

The moment is about living your life NOW, not tomorrow, and certainly not yesterday.

“If we take care of the moments, the years will take care of themselves.”
– Maria Edgeworth,

Some questions for self-reflection:

“The ability to be in the present moment is a major component of mental wellness.”
– Abraham Maslow

• What “one day” or “right time” are you dreaming about, waiting or wishing for? Are you one who is consistently waiting for some other time so you can be happy? How is this strategy working for you?
• How do you experience “newness” in your life?
• How do you feel about your life in this moment? How so?
• Do you run on a treadmill of unhappiness? If so, why?
• What are you attached to? (e.g., money, possessions, etc.)
• What’s holding you back from experiencing happiness?
• When are you most alive?
• How does fear constrict you?
• Do you spend an inordinate amount of time fantasizing?
• Do you live much of your life in the past or in the future? If so, why?
• Do you spend a lot of time catastrophizing – worrying about something that hasn’t happened yet and might not happen at all, or ruminating  – thinking bleakly about events in the past?
• Can you imagine yourself living in the moment, in the NOW?
• How did you parents or primary caregivers experience “now?” In conversations, how much time did they devote to the past or future?

“I always wanted a happy ending… Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity.” –
Gilda Radner

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(c) 2014, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful.
Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.

What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that “thing” is…maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”

I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.

I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com
You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TrueNorthPartnering

I am You.

 

Speaker page,  Facebook Page, Becoming a Better You book page

I am You

 “You are me, and I am you.
Isn’t it obvious that we “inter-are”?
You cultivate the flower in yourself,
so that I will be beautiful.
I transform the garbage in myself,
so that you will not have to suffer.

I support you;
you support me.
I am in this world to offer you peace;
you are in this world to bring me joy.
–Thich Nhat Hanh

This week, New York City approved a real estate developer’s plan to include a “poor door” in his luxury apartment complex in the Upper West Side.

The idea of a separate entrance for lower-income residents has been discussed for some time, but this week plans by company Extell Development to include a separate entrance for “affordable housing” tenants (i.e., folks who earn 60 percent or less of median income) in their 33-story condo was given the thumbs-up. The building will have 219 units, including 55 affordable units overlooking the street (and on floors 2-6) while those renting and buying the apartments at market-rate will have waterfront views.

The entrance is part of the Inclusionary Housing Program application, under which developers can build larger projects, and receive tax credits and other perks, if they also provide low-income housing, either on- or off-site.

The approval of the entrance has triggered upset and outrage, with many on social media calling it nothing more than an updated version of segregation. ThinkProgress report notes that issues generally affecting low-income tenants in luxury buildings – which include not being able to use amenities like the gym or pools – usually affect people of color.

Brooklyn Magazine notes  it’s “not an unusual scheme” to include affordable housing units in fancy, upscale buildings that will remain, for most people, mere real estate fantasies. “…But unlike that old Jim Crowe ‘separate but equal’ chestnut, Extell is not even pretending that the affordable units will be run the same way the pie-in-the-sky luxury condos will be. It essentially puts into architecture the unspoken class divisions of New York. There is a class for which Manhattan is a playground, and one, begrudgingly acknowledged, for which it is a struggle just to find a place you can afford to pay the rent.”

But, New York Magazine says,  the entrance will serve the purpose of  “[sparing] all the residents from the terrible awkwardness of regularly encountering people whose lifestyles differ from theirs, or something.”  Even though  Manhattan Borough President Gale Brewer “vowed” to reject similar plans in the future, this “poor door” looks like it’s going ahead for now.

I am you. Hmmm.

Some questions for self-reflection:

• Are there folks in your life with whom you are unable or unwilling to make peace?
• Can one be selfish and egotistical and yet at the same time be humble?
• What separates you from others – mentally, physically, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually…?
• Do you look for the dignity and humanity in others? Why or why not?
• “Without you, there can be no me.” Does this make sense to you? How so?
• Do you believe that what goes around comes around?
• Do you believe we are all connected? If so, how does this belief apply to your life?
• Do you consider yourself to be generally neutral?
• When do you experience competition, jealousy or envy?
• On a scale of 1-10, to what degree do you live your life from a place of peace, harmony and (true) love? How do you feel when you reflect on your answer?

—————————————————–
(c) 2014, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful.
Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.

What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that “thing” is…maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”

I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.

I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com
You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TrueNorthPartnering

The Inner Judge and Critic*

 

 

 

 

 

 

Speaker page,  Facebook Page, Becoming a Better You book page

Each of us experiences an inner voice that criticizes us, judges us, and otherwise berates us in a way that communicates: “I am lacking, deficient, bad or wrong. ”

The Inner Judge and Critic is the voice in you that constantly evaluates and assesses (through judging and criticizing) your worth as a human being and thus limits your capacity to become a better you. This voice judges, condemns, criticizes, compares, shames, blames and attacks you mercilessly and constantly.

What is this voice? Who is this voice? Why does it rear its ugly head so often you make efforts to “become a better you?”

It is not you.

The Inner Judge and Critic is NOT you. Rather, beginning at birth and on through childhood, it represents a composite of many authority figures, i.e., “outsiders” – judgmental, critical, blaming, and punishing parents, primary caregivers – who surrounded you as you were growing up. Then it takes on the voices of your extended family, relatives, teachers, clergy, radio and TV personalities, and the like.

The Inner Judge and Critic is created as a result of your experiences with others in the environment within which you grew up. Your Inner Judge and Critic pretends to be your conscience but rather it is a harsh judge and cruel source of punishment, which results in self-distrust and self-hatred.

The negative energy, feelings, and emotions you experience when you judge and blame yourself harshly are a destructive form of self-abuse. Your continual negative self-judgments are debilitating and self-sabotaging – they keep you from becoming a better you.

The real you

Your Essential Self is the real “you” who experiences your life. This is the real you who experiences having a body, having thoughts, having feelings, and having an ego. It is the true “I” whom you can experience when you’re living in the moment, right here and right now, without the interference of the Inner Judge and Critic’s mind chatter.

When you’re in the moment and disengaged from your Inner Judge and Critic, you experience your Essence – the Essential you who is not encumbered by the negative thoughts, feelings, emotions and stories of your Inner Judge and Critic.

When, in a state of presence and being in the moment, you’re not engaged with the Inner Judge and Critic’s negative self-talk, self-demeaning chatter, judgments, and criticisms. Here, you can then access the voice of your Essential Self, that Self who supports you to becoming a better you.

The voice of your Essential Self is honest, truthful, kind, friendly, compassionate, loving, playful, accepting, inclusive and generous.

Dealing with Your Inner Judge and Critic

Here are five practices that can support you to quiet your Inner Judge and Critic.

1. Listen to, but do not engage, the voice. Become an observer, a witness. Listen without reacting.  Breathe deeply and slowly into your belly. Follow your breath, in and out. Slowly, your attention will focus away from the voice of the Inner Judge and Critic. You will begin to hear “your own voice” and sense a separation from the voice of your Inner Judge and Critic

2. When you hear an attack – some flavor of “You’re bad or wrong,” or “You’re not ____ enough,” or You’re too___,” it may sound counterintuitive at first, but, agree with the voice and then add something to the effect, “…and, if you don’t like it, too bad!” Essentially what you’re doing here is quieting the voice by agreeing with it. You’re taking the air out of its critical or judgmental balloon, its charge, so to speak. So, for example, “Yeah, I know I’m being lazy today, but if you don’t like it, too bad. I’m just fine with being lazy right now.” Or, “I know I keep repeating the same mistake, and it’s just too bad if that bothers you.”

What’s happening here is that by diffusing the power or force of the inner judge and critic, it loses its energy and when it loses its energy, the effect on you is that it gives you some distance from this voice (remember this voice is some authority figure that was predominant in your life early on; it’s not you). And when you gain separation and distance from this voice, you’re more able to experience your Essential Self, and it’s from this place of your Essential Self that you will gain the strength and energy, courage and clarity, wisdom, guidance, and direction to become a better you without being encumbered by the inner judge and critic. It gives you room to breathe and feel more adult-like, rather than child-like. And your being in this adult place is what supports you to become a better you.

3. Practice focusing. Focusing is a great way to move you into that part of the (right) brain which is associated with equanimity, serenity, peacefulness, well-being, and OK-ness with your experience. In this part of the brain, you are less apt to succumb to feelings of powerlessness, fear, anger, resistance, defensiveness, guilt, shamed and the like. Notice what you’re sensing in your body, emotions and feelings and be there – with curiosity, not self-judgment – and engage in deep breathing – long, slow, deep and quiet. As you begin to breathe, the sensations in your body will begin to dissipate and you can return to a sense of peace and calm. And this peace and calm is often accompanied by courage, neutrality, willingness, acceptance, reason, love, joy, peace, appreciation and gratitude.

4. Tell your inner judge and critic to “Shut up!” or, “Get lost!” If the situation permits, say this out loud and with force, real force. If the situation does not permit, then say it silently. You may have to say it more than once. But be sincere in the way you voice it – internally or externally – as if you were speaking forcefully to someone was standing behind you and attacking you.

5. Tell your inner judge and critic, “Thank you very much. But I really don’t need your advice right now. I’m fine without it.”

The key here is that through these exercises you’ll be able to remain in a state of peace, calm, and equanimity. It is from this place that movement toward becoming a better you is easier.

Using any of these exercises will support you to quiet the voice of the inner judge and critic who is continually beating you up by telling you how you should live your life, what you should say, what you should do, how you should be, etc. In addition, these exercises will support you to move away from feelings of lack and deficiency and towards feelings of self-love, compassion, safety, security, fortitude, power and strength – the qualities that will support you to take action to move forward to becoming a better you.

Because your body is the best barometer of what’s really happening in your life, it’s also important to be aware of what you’re sensing in your body when you’re inner judge and critic is attacking you. Physiological sensations you experience in your body when you’re feeling insecure, afraid, fearful, angry, unseen, and incompetent can inform you of what’s really happening “inside” as you’re being attacked. Ask those sensations what they want you to know and ask to be guided towards “right knowing,” “right understanding” and “right action.”

*Excerpted from “Becoming a Better You – Who You Are vs. Who You Think You Are,” Peter Vajda, Ph.D.

Questions for self-refection:

• How secure do you feel in your own skin (on a scale of 1-10)?
• What are some common phrases your Inner Judge and Critic uses to attack you?
• When did you first become aware of these attacks?
• Who do you remember using (some flavor of) these attacks against you when you were young?
• How do these attacks affect how you show up (or don’t show up) in your adult world – at work, at home, at play or in relationship?
• Are you generally jealous of, critical of, or judgmental of others? Do you know why? What does behaving this way get you?
• Were your parents or primary caregivers judgmental and critical of others?
• Do you ever practice focusing, presence or mindfulness? What’s that experience like?

—————————————————–
(c) 2014, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful.
Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.

What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that “thing” is…maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”

I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.

I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com
You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TrueNorthPartnering

 

 

The problem is…

 

 

 

 

 

 

Speaker page,  Facebook Page, Becoming a Better You book page

“The most self-destructive thought that any person can have is thinking that he or she is not in total control of his or her life. That’s when, “Why me?” becomes a theme song.” – Roger Dawson

How many times a day – at work, at home, at play or in relationship – do you hear someone say, “the problem is…” in a way that communicates: “I’m a victim;” “someone’s doing something to me;” or “I’m powerless?”  In fact, how often do you make such a comment?

“Problem” does not equal defeat

It’s not a fact that a “problem” means defeat. That’s a characterization you’re choosing to make. Like beauty, “problem” is in the eye of the beholder. Unfortunately, many react in a knee-jerk manner and tack towards the negative whenever a “problem” arises.

“We focus on the negatives, losing ourselves in the “problem.” We point to our unhappy circumstances to rationalize our negative feelings. This is the easy way out. It takes, after all, very little effort to feel victimized.” – Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

Rather than assume a “victim consciousness” mindset in the face of a “problem, what would it be like if you stopped, took a breath and consciously asked your heart to help you out? Our heart always has our best interest in mind. Learning to ask and trust our heart is a life-affirming practice that can relieve stress and negativity while leading us to a sense of expansiveness, lightness, equanimity, self-trust, harmony and self-confidence.

See “problem” with a new perspective

The next time you feel the tendency to exclaim, “The problem is…!” stop, take a breath and consider these seven suggestions:

1.    Know that there is no such thing as a negative “coincidence” or accident. While your mind might want to create the “problem,” the Universe aligns every event with a reason and a meaning and presents these events FOR us as learning and growth lessons. Every experience is purposeful, if we choose to seek out that purpose. That is, ask, “Why is this happening FOR me?”

2.    When confronting a “problem” explore what “competence” the problem is asking you to manifest. When something negative occurs, see it as an opportunity to demonstrate your competence. No one is completely and totally “useless” when facing a problem. You may have to reflect some, maybe long and hard, but the Universe has presented you with this opportunity as a way for you to “show up” and use your talents, skills and abilities.

3.    Problems are opportunities presented for us to grow in self-confidence. While our mind might want us to shrink, go invisible and move into denial, our heart will give us the strength and courage to move forward, if we ask and trust.

4.    In addition to strength and courage, facing problems also affords us the opportunity to express other essential heart qualities: understanding, love, compassion, will, steadfastness, patience, discipline and support.

5.    One of the greatest benefits a problem affords is to the opportunity to learn: who I am and how I am in this moment. “What am I seeing in all of this?” is a powerful personal growth question. Viewing opportunities is this manner supports you to live a life that is meaningful and purposeful.

6.    Facing problems allows us to take control of our life, to have our power and be in control. Caving in, and moving into a helpless, victim consciousness results in giving our power away and allowing something or someone to control us in a way that is self-limiting, self-sabotaging and life-alienating.

7.    Finally, know that your soul has created this opportunity for you. Consciously or unconsciously, we attract what we need in order to grow and develop. While we may hate, detest or resist the “problem” in the moment, nothing is ever happening TO you; it’s happening FOR you and your heart and soul know this. It’s a question of coming to terms with this awareness from  “mental” knowing as well. There’s some part of you that requires further growth and maturation and “problems” are opportunities, are “life’s lessons” providing the continued growth and learning that support us to see the meaning and purpose of our life.

So, the next time a problem presents itself on your life’s journey, rather than resist, hide or blame, be curious about what issues may be arising within yourself – issues you need to own and work with. Curiously enough, when we deal with our issues – honestly, sincerely and self-responsibly – various types of “problems” seem to disappear over time.

“We are continually faced with great opportunities which are brilliantly disguised as unsolvable problems.” – Margaret Mead

Some questions for self-reflection:

• Do you spend much of your time feeling like a victim and blaming others for what’s happening in your life? If so, what does spending your time that way get you? How might you invest your time more appropriately?
• If you’ve been facing your problems responsibly over time, what have you seen/learned about yourself?
• Do you believe the world is a fearful and dangerous place? Do you find yourself always being vigilant and watching out for potential danger? If so, why?
• Do you believe your inner life creates your outer life? Have you ever considered this?
• Do you know the difference between fate and destiny? If you do, or when you find out, which one more clearly defines the way you orient to your life?
• Do you feel your well be-ing is largely in the hand of others?
• How did you and your family deal with “problems” when you were growing up?

——————————————————————————————-

(c) 2014, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful.
Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.

What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that “thing” is…maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”

I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.

I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com
You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TrueNorthPartnering

Firecracker…or Dud?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Speaker page,  Facebook Page, Becoming a Better You book page

On this holiday weekend in the midst of fireworks and fun, leisure and lightness, fun and frolic, how about taking a few minutes of quiet and solitude to reflect on how you’re doing as a leader, manager or supervisor.

Does your leading, managing and supervising performance and behavior provide cause for celebration?

So, on a scale of:

3 = Always
2 = Usually or Often
1 = Reasonably
0 = Rarely or never

How might you rate yourself on the following:

1. My mission, objectives, and goals reflect my highest values and principles.
2. My vision and values are in alignment with my organization’s mission and values.
3. My team is committed to achieving our company’s goals and objectives.
4. I lead my people by example. I walk my talk. I am in integrity.
5. I have the knowledge, skills and resources necessary to perform my tasks effectively.
6. My team members have the knowledge, skills and resources to be optimally productive.
7. My team members understand the benefits of collaborating to move in a unified direction.
8. I observe on-the-job activity and am available for questions and feedback.
9. My team members establish priorities for tasks to be accomplished.
10. I listen carefully to my team members and encourage them to express their opinions.
11. I resolve conflict as it occurs, and consider the best interests of all concerned.
12. I inform my team members immediately about changes, policies, and procedures that affect them.
13. I am firm and fair-minded when dealing with my co-workers.
14. I have the best interests of my coworkers in mind.
15. I recognize optimal performance, and express appreciation in a timely manner.
16. I delegate responsibility, accountability, and authority effectively.
17. My team members receive adequate training, coaching and participation on the job.
18. When I delegate a task, I trust my coworkers can do the job and I do not interfere.
19. I encourage initiative, involvement, and innovation from my co-workers.
20. I use constructive feedback to optimize the productivity of co-workers.
21. My decisions are consistent with corporate policies, procedures, and objectives.
22. I take calculated risks, and develop contingency plans for major decisions.
23. I develop objectives and performance standards with my people.
24. I systematically evaluate the performance of my people.
25. I motivate my people to do their best on the job.

Some questions for self-reflection:

• As a leader, manager or supervisor, how would I rate myself? As a real firecracker, or a dud, or somewhere in between? Why?
• How would others rate me? Why?
• How do I know?
• Do I care? Do others care?
• What positive change(s) have I made in my capacity for leading, managing or supervising during the past year?
• Bonus question – will I depend on alcohol, drugs, excessive intake of food, sugar, caffeine, or other external stimulants to enjoy this holiday? Could I experience true and real joy, peace, pleasure, happiness and OK-ness without these? What would my experience be like this holiday without dependance on external sources or stimulants to give me a boost, to shore me up, or to artificially make me feel joyful or happy? Am I willing to try this? Why or why not?

————————————–
(c) 2014, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful.
Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.

What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that “thing” is – maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”

I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.

I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com
You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TrueNorthPartnering