Spirituality and work

Speaker page,  Facebook Page, Becoming a Better You book page

Robert Greenleaf’s “Servant Leadership” was one of the first business books I read (back in the ’70s). Many refer to him as a “revolutionary.” I do. What attracted me to him was how deeply his work, i.e., his theory and practice, bordered on what I knew at the time to be “spirituality” (i.e., not religion, not theology). What attracted me to his was (and is) the fact that Mr. Greenleaf was talking about the workplace. Imagine!

Interconnectivity

One of the foundations of his theory and approach was the notion of interconnectivity – that we are all interconnected, and it’s this interconnectedness that augurs for acknowledgement and conduct that furthers the creation of living organizations.

I vs. We

Supporting others in the workplace community to grow as persons, to become wiser, healthier, freer, more accepting and tolerant, and more autonomous may come only we shift consciousness and belief systems. Many work environments are largely defined by selfishness, greed, ego and competition, where we largely define folks by “have” and “have not” (on many levels-mentally, emotional, physically, creatively…). I think we have both the challenge and opportunity to ask some fundamental questions about our sometimes negative and limiting belief structures and be reflective about what we can do to effectively transform both individual and collective consciousness so that our behaviors produce results that are mutually supportive – on every level.  Is this an “illicit” effort as Mr. Greenleaf might refer to it? Maybe yes; maybe no. I think it depends how we approach the exploration. I think it’s anything but illicit if such an exploration comes from a place of love and compassion.

Daily behavior

One place to start is by asking some fundamental, personal workplace questions: Do I gossip about others? Do I commonly experience conflict with people who have a different value system than mine? Do I incite reactionary behaviors from others? Do I waste materials and resources? Do I constantly behave in a way to prove I am superior to others (command, control, and power stuff)? Do I use profanity, rudeness, or insensitivity as a regular part of my interactive or communication style? Do I use the “put-down” as a common behavior trait? Am I tolerant and open to other cultures ideologically different from mine?  Am I honest and above board in my financial dealings with others?  Etc., etc.

Dysfunction

I think it’s important to understand that, consciously or unconsciously, like it or not, each individual is important to the functioning of the group or the organization in some way, shape or form. When an individual is out of balance, that out-of-balance dynamic impacts the organization (not unlike an unhealthy cancerous cell in our physical body). And, when greater numbers of people are out of balance, well, I think we all have some semblance of knowing where that can lead – issues related to performance, production, morale, absenteeism, presenteeism and the like – an undermining of the overall health and well-being of the organization. Dysfunction.

“Business as usual”

Unfortunately, this dysfunction does not always appear as a “red flag.” There are lots of folks who experience dysfunction – their own and/or others’ – as “business as usual.” For some, functioning poorly is a simple reality of the workplace. For me, dysfunction is a sign that all is not well.  Dysfunction is a tug on the collective sleeve that asks, “How can I contribute to the restructuring of the workplace (or, my part of the workplace) to preserve the positive humanity and ensure quality of life for everyone?”

Answering this question means providing an environment where reflection, self-discovery, interpersonal growth, wellness and well-being, and continuous learning, for example, are as much a part of the workplace as are the coffee, cubicles and computers.

No one is an island

There are those who believe that each of us is an island, a “free agent,” whose sole purpose is to maintain our individuality, our place in the sun, our “space.” And, perhaps there’s some truth to this. But, my take is that when we choose to navigate life from a place where we choose to feel separate and independent from one another, we end up looking for excuses (certainly not “reasons”) to support our choices, our wanting, or needing to operate counter to the notion of interconnectedness, and community.

Spirituality has its place in the workplace. Try as we might, I don’t think there’s room for compartmentalization – checking our authentic self, our true self, our “spiritual” self, and care, compassion and love for others at the door when we walk into the workplace.

New paradigms

Interconnectedness and community are as important in the workplace as they are anywhere else on the planet, perhaps even more so, given the state of fear, anxiety, stress, ambiguity, inhumanity, addiction, depression and chaos that characterize many of our workplaces. Perhaps a renewed focus on how we conduct ourselves at work may even enhance the quality, the energy, the climate and the culture of our workplaces. And for many, this will entail changing belief structures. Is this illicit? I don’t think so. Tough, hard, challenging, and threatening to the ego? Yes, very.

Perhaps with a conscious renewed focus on the workplace as one of community and interconnectedness, understanding, empathy and compassion for the human experience – yours and mine – may transform many of our dysfunctional workplaces into centers where humanity rules the day.

Finally, I think there’s a conscious or unconscious tendency for so many to discount the whole of people’s humanity because “they are at work,” where folks support a system and mind-set where people are asked to be less than human and function in a disconnected, robotic way because they are “at work.” This is dehumanizing and compartmentalizing, and will never lead to the wholeness and well-being of either the individual or the organization.

Some questions for self-reflection:

• Are any of the following topics found in your management training manuals: loving people, being compassionate, spirituality, tolerance, selfless giving, forgiving, self-nurturing, contributing to the community, giving meaning to people’s lives and purpose?
• Do fear, scarcity, suspicion and survival overtly or covertly drive many of the relationships and interactions in your workplace?
• Do you experience any of these soul qualities in yourself or others as you move through your workday: passion, understanding, honesty, integrity, sincerity, kindness, compassion, empathy, humility, dignity, respect, love? If so, when, with whom?
• Do leaders or managers ever ask the following questions (do you): Who are we? Why do we exist? What is our defining character? What is our vision? How do we express our vision in products or service? Who is our customer? How do we market and sell our products and services most effectively? How do we exceed our customer’s expectations? What supports our most productive system of operation? How do we care for our people? How do we integrate humanistic principles and practices with sound business functioning? How do we treat others with respect, dignity and love? How can we preserve the dignity, health and well-being of all employees? How can we demonstrate we believe everything that exists is interdependent and interconnected – nature, animals and humans? How do we adapt to new workplace demands? How do we manifest institutional moral responsibility? How can we shift from competition to cooperation? How can our values reflect responsibility for society and the environment?

—————————————————–
(c) 2014, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful.
Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.

What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that “thing” is…maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”

I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.

I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com
You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TrueNorthPartnering

Control

                                                 

Speaker page,  Facebook Page, Becoming a Better You book page

Do you have control issues? On life’s journey to wholeness and completion, personality control is probably the greatest issue we all face. It’s about ego.

Control and death

We believe we can control what we experience, that is, except death. One of our greatest fears is our fear of losing control, and underneath that is our fear of death. To move through our fear and release our need to control, we need to face death with acceptance, inner peace and equanimity.

Denial

Unfortunately many of us who are “control-freaks,” don’t actually realize we are. But, our friends, relatives, neighbors, co-workers and others do! We all have control issues. However, for many of us, it usually takes a major conflict or confrontation to bring it to the fore – unless we are able and willing to consciously explore our fears, feelings and behavior.

“Thy will be done.”

What’s interesting about our relationship to control is that some of us are willing to let go – as long as the letting go is about putting our trust or faith in God, the Universe, Source, Higher Power and the like. However, the question underneath the question is: am I willing to trust in, have faith in and rely on the people around me in your life? In other words, we see and understand the “spirituality” of some “higher” entity, but we can’t bring ourselves to believe that this “spirituality” exists in the people, places, events, and circumstances around us in our daily life – at work, at home, at play and in relationship.

“Up there” vs. “down here”

There are those among us who live our lives according to the “Thy will be done.” perspective, but somehow fail to grasp the notion that the “thy will” manifests in the people, places, circumstances, events, etc. that permeate our daily lives. “Thy will” is not only “up there,” but “down here.” “Thy will” manifests as the physical, emotional, spiritual, psychological, financial, health and other needs of those with whom we come into contact – near and afar – every day. It’s these others who reflect the “thy will” that needs to be done.
Our journey “down here” is about change and transformation – a form of “dying” every day on various levels.

Ego

In our ego-driven culture, control is about “getting what I want,” “achieving goals, positions status, etc.,” and efforting to control every detail of our lives

The self-help industry is largely about shoring up our ego and not so much about changing and transforming our personality. The challenge that comes with changing our personality, for so many, lies in the statement, “I want to change, but do I have to be different?” And it’s this question which keeps people stuck in our control issues – unable or unwilling to allow or access the faith and trust in our hearts to forward the action of our lives.

Our ego self, wanting or needing to feel safe and secure, often prevents us from going inside to explore our thoughts, feelings, emotions, choices, decisions, reactions, and the like. When our fear keeps us from going inside, exploring and being curious about our inner workings, the result is our wanting and needing to control what’s “out there” – people, places, events, circumstances, etc.

The psycho/spiritual dynamic that’s in play here is that by controlling everyone and everything that, in some way, I achieve immortality – I won’t die. And, oddly enough, it’s only when we let go of this want or need to control, that we truly achieve immortality. Funny how that works.

Worry, worry, worry

Fear is what drives the ego. In a state of fear, where the emotional brain takes over, we’re unable (although we think we can) to access our brain’s neo-cortex – the rational, logical, executive, thinking part of the brain. In this conscious or unconscious, “need to survive” emotional state, where we continually feel threatened, we cannot make the conscious, healthy choices and decisions that will honestly, sincerely and self-responsibly forward the action of our lives.

Loss of control, for many, is the one, greatest threat that stands in the way of our spiritual growth, development and self-actualization.

Until and unless we become aware of our need to control, the capacity to give ourselves permission to have faith in, and be trusting of, our Inner, Essential self, our heart and our soul will not be realized. The inner journey is the way in to this exploration and discovery.

Questions for self-reflection:

• Would you say you’re a controlling person? What would your friends, relatives, co-workers and others say? Would you dare to ask them?
• What are some of the ways you try to control what’s “out there?”
• Is there an area (s) in your life where you feel you are losing control? How so?
• What does it feel like when you’re losing control? Not, what are you thinking, but what are you feeling? Sense your body. It knows.
• How can you begin to reduce and/or eliminate worry or perceived threats you see out there?
• What was your experience around worry or control when you were growing up?
• Where, when or how did you learn to worry?
• When, where or how did you learn you needed to be in control?
• How did your parents or primary caregivers experience, worry and control?
• When, where or how did you learn not to trust others?
• Do you believe people outside of yourself hold the key to your happiness?
• What would it take for you to become more peaceful, trusting and accepting?
• Do you find controlling to be mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausting? How so?
• “Whatever I try to control does have control over me and my life.” How you feel about the statement?

—————————————————–
(c) 2014, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful.
Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.

What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that “thing” is…maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”

I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.

I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com
You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TrueNorthPartnering

Being authentic

 

 

 

 

 

Speaker page,  Facebook Page, Becoming a Better You book page

Probably one of the greatest social pressures people feel today is the pressure to conform – to be like another or others in some way, shape or form. Early on life we learned that if we wanted the support of others, or the love, acknowledgment, or recognition, etc. of others, it was necessary to please those others. Another flavor of this dynamic is garnering the approval of others when we conform to their expectations of how they think we ought to be.

The quid-pro-quo of conforming

The downside of conforming is that in order to gain, we lose. That is, in order to gain acceptance, approval, love and/or recognition of another, we give up something of our self. It’s a costly dynamic. Caught in this dynamic, we create two selves – the self we know and feel we really are and the self, rather the impression or false self, we present to others. Most often, over time, the image that we effort to give others (in conforming) we often take on as our real self. In the process, we lose touch with our true and real self and, consciously and unconsciously, the result is pain and suffering. Becoming split off from our true and real self, from our true and real identity, we go through life sort of teeter- tottering and feeling off-balance, without really knowing why.

Conforming is like being a shark

Living a life of conforming results in a state of unconscious confusion. In other words, when we become so outwardly focused – dependent on “it,” “her,” “him” or “them,” to feel loved, acknowledged, seen, recognized and the like – we have this incessant need to move from person to person, place to place, thing to thing, etc. to feel fulfilled – not like a shark’s need to continuously move to stay alive. The shark has its oxygen; the conformist has theirs.

Conforming, unconsciously, is what keeps us alive. Is not unlike a progressive drug – the more we use it, the greater the dose we need to get the same “high.” Without it, we don’t feel alive.

The antidote to conforming

The antidote to conforming is the inner journey – giving up the externals and investing our time and energy on what’s inside. After all, this is where true authenticity resides. This is where our true and real self resides.

The journey does not mean we give up the faux image we’ve been presenting to others, our persona, our faults or our limitations. The inner journey supports us to accept our faults, our foibles, and “fake” self, but in the process the inner journey supports us to live from the inside out – where the “I” we discover within now drives our do-ings and be-ings.

The non-conformist

When we discover our true, real and authentic self, and live from the inside-out, we live life from a place of clarity, a crystal-clear “knowing,” that supports us to live as an independent being, no longer wanting or needing to be a conformist. From this place. we much more readily give, serve and support others for our mutual highest good.

From this place, we lead a much more “conscious” life. We feel alive, fresh, purposeful and authentic.

Questions for self-reflection:

• Where in your life, do you tend to be a conformist? How so? Would others agree with you?
• What does conforming get you?
• Do you ever consider yourself to be value-less, or worthless? How so?
• Are there areas or aspects of your life you seem to be continually avoiding? Why?
• What are your earliest memories or experiences related to conforming?
• Did you ever talk about conforming with your parents or primary caregivers? What were those conversations like?
• What is one area of your life where you could stop being a conformist? Are you willing to give it a try? Why or why not?

—————————————————–
(c) 2014, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful.
Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.

What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that “thing” is…maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”

I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.

I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com
You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TrueNorthPartnering

Are You a Leadership Lightweight?

Speaker page,  Facebook Page, Becoming a Better You book page

Are You a Leadership Lightweight?

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines “lightweight” as “one of little consequence or ability.” Today it’s quite uncommon for a leader or manager to be a lightweight in every aspect of their job. However, a lightweight is a lightweight because there is usually an area or two where he or she must raise the bar in order to improve upon the quality and effectiveness of their work.

The first step in moving forward towards change and transformation, towards becoming more relevant, is to “know what you don’t know.”  Consider these five common areas which often keep leaders and managers stuck in the “lightweight” division.

1. Blaming “it,” “her,” “him” and “them,” for their lack of results.

It’s always annoying, disconcerting and frustrating to hear leaders and managers resort to complaining about and blaming external forces for their inability to produce results: the economy, the government, the weather, the competition, the time of year, the inventory, the shareholders, their boss, and the like. Many leaders and managers find it convenient to assume the role of victim and martyr, pointing away from their self to take the focus off their failures, their inefficiencies, their lack of success and the lack of strength and/or courage to step up.

Antidote

The bottom line is the one salient factor that determines success – one’s internal decisions – not external forces. Better to look at one’s face in the mirror than stare out a window. In reality, leaders and managers can control 80% of what gets in their way (and whether they react/respond to it) so it’s important to be conscious and focus on the 80% one can control , rather than the 20% one cannot.

What one can control is their attitude, work ethic, how and where one spends one’s time, effort and energy, and with whom with one spends it. One can control one’s character, choices and how they attend to and focus on their everyday tasks and responsibilities in an honest, sincere, will-full, self-responsible and disciplined fashion. Until a leader or manager has mastered these aspects of their job (and their self) and moved out of the quicksand of martyrdom and victimhood, “excuses” (not “reasons”) will remain part of their DNA as “lightweights).

2. Being reluctant to hold others accountable.

One thing a leader or manager can control is accountability – the key to creating the (healthy) pressure, energy, tension or anxiety to perform the tasks required to sustain organizational culture and produce results.

Antidote

To ensure accountability, and be effective, the leader or manager should:
Have the courage and strength to set clear expectations and make sure they’re stretching their employees (and themselves). Without clear expectations, holding people accountable for results is impossible and, often, an unpleasant experience for everyone involved.

Impose consequences when established behavior and performance standards are not met. If there are no consequences for failing to meet defined goals and targets, leaders and managers are simply perpetuating deficient behavior.

3.  Making easy, simple, cheap, popular, convenient and “wrong” decisions

Rather than rock the boat, leaders and managers often end up derailing the team, the unit, the silo and/or the organization. When leaders and managers don’t have the intestinal fortitude and the psycho/emotional strength to make hard choices and tough decisions, it may serve them, and others, well to consider moving out of their current position and explore opportunities that are more in sync with their skills and capacities.

Antidote

Quality and excellence do not come as a result of making decisions because they’re easy, simple, cheap, popular or convenient. The way a team, unit, silo or organization grows, develops and excels is because one is making decisions that are right, often costly and difficult and, moreover, uncomfortable and inconvenient.

The more uncomfortable a decision feels, the more discomfort a leader or manager experiences in making a choice and, the more likely and probable the potential is for actualization of growth. When a leader or manager spends valuable time hiding in denial, or searching for ways to avoid the discomfort or pain of change, it’s a lose-lose situation. Neither the individual nor the team or organization will experience true and real growth.

4. Being too self-reliant

No one is indispensable to their organization – no one! Relax, you may be good, but, you’re not that good! What General de Gaulle once said makes sense: “The graveyard is filled with indispensable men.” And I might add, “Remember the window-washer (on the high-rise building) who stepped back to admire his/her own work.” Disaster.

Antidote

Without question, the number one obstacle to building a healthy team or organization is ego. When a leader or manager allows their ego, and its attendant insecurity, to drive their efforts, at the expense of the good of the order, they unfortunately run on a low-level form of cruise-control. Such leaders and managers, often unknowingly or unconsciously, perpetuate the behavior of psychopaths and sycophants, create fear, stifle engagement, adversely affect morale and encourage the best and the brightest to lose interest and, worst of all, leave. A leader or manager must find ways to make their people less, not more, dependent on them. In fact, the greatest measure of a leader or manager’s supervision is not how folks perform while they’re micro-managing their work but how well folks perform when they’re not around.

5. Keeping the wrong people for too long.

The reality is there are always some employees who are so incompetent that even if they do improve to a degree they’ll still have too far to go to reach the level of performance you require from them. In many cases, what many leaders and managers do is try to find a way to make that employee not good, better or best, but “not bad.” Excellence and quality cannot be achieved by a group of “not bad” folks.

Antidote

When you continue to invest time, energy and money in below-average individuals, with no real upward trend in performance, you’re wasting your time, energy and your organization’s resources. It’s unhealthy – not only for the leader or manager, but for the incompetent employee to whom you are giving a false sense of security, hope, stability, and the like. That leader or manager may also be robbing their high-potential people of the support and attention they need to climb from already-good results to great performances. The leader or manager needs to find a way to honestly, yet compassionately, cut their losses, and redirect their resources to their current and potential solid performers.

There are certainly more genes in the DNA of “lightweight” leaders and managers. However, this is a place to start. There is no crime in discovering, admitting or becoming more self-aware that one is a lightweight. The crime is the reluctance to forward the action of the lightweight into another weight class.

Some questions for self-reflection: 

• What outside conditions are you prone to blame for your organization or team’s lack of results?
• Whose behavior must you put into check with an effective coaching conversation (with consequences attached) to turn around poor performance? What are you waiting for to initiate this conversation? Do you need to have this conversation with yourself?
• Which of your people have you made less dependent on you by broadening their latitude and discretion?
• What more can you do to make people more capable while you free yourself up to spend more time on high-leverage tasks?
• Who is a “project” on your team that continues to hover at a below-average performance level with no sign of an upward trend? How much more time and money will you invest in this rescue mission? How so? And why?

—————————————————–
(c) 2014, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful.
Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.

What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that “thing” is…maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”

I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.

I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com

You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda. Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TrueNorthPartnering

Seeing beyond procrastination

 

 

 

 

 

Speaker page,  Facebook Page, Becoming a Better You book page

Why am I constantly putting things off? Why don’t I do the things I’m “supposed” to do, but don’t really want to? Why do I always seem to be forcing myself to do things – whether it’s chores at home, work for school, or projects at work? How do I get beyond procrastination?

Most often, something is operating “underneath” the procrastination. Asking yourself the following questions and spending some conscious time reflecting on your responses can help you uncover why you’re resisting doing what needs to be done and support you to move beyond procrastination.

What is your self-talk like?

What are the thoughts that support your resistance to taking action? Are your thoughts positive and supporting, or limiting and self-sabotaging? Moving to thoughts of joy, appreciation and gratitude can support an energy shift allowing you to take action?

Is lack of energy the problem

What is your level of energy like, overall?

Do you experience lows, lethargy, laziness and staleness after eating certain foods or drinking certain liquids? Begin to explore your relationship to food and drink and your resulting energy and moods. What is your level of energy like overall? Blocked, lacking, low? When energy is blocked, there is usually some disequilibrium among mind, body and spirit. Movement which supports the flow of energy (such as Yoga and Tai Chi) can restore balance and energy.

Are you feeling depressed?

You might want to have a physical exam and ask for a professional opinion to explore the possibility of a deeper malaise that may be affecting you.

What might be a competing commitment that keeps you from acting?

There may be something you value more than the task you are resisting. This competing commitment is often fear-based. As an example, a self-employed entrepreneur was resisting organizing her physical space, her office and work environment. When she inquired into her resistance, by journaling deeply into it, she discovered that, when she completed the organization of her space, her next goal would need to be to focus on her business. She was fearful about taking next steps towards growth – putting herself “out there.” Unsure about her skills, abilities and capacities, she resisted moving forward. Her competing commitment was to maintain the status quo and do nothing – to resist and procrastinate.

Try asking yourself what might be something you are valuing more than the task at hand.

Are you acting out some childhood resistance?

Suppose you were brought up to believe that “neatness counts” or “you must always be organized.” You might, as an adult, rebel against what was imposed on you by not keeping an organized living or work space. It’s important to look underneath the resistance to inquire about existing beliefs that are driving you to procrastinate.

Many folks procrastinate in order to maintain a positive self-image and be “good”, especially in ways they were taught as children. By procrastinating, they exonerate themselves from potential blame if something goes wrong or does not work out as they hope or plan. They may spend an inordinate amount of time rationalizing dysfunctional behaviors, but the truth is that they are resisting “failure” in some way, shape or form.

One’s resistance may show up in any of these behaviors and attitudes:

Ignorance – “I didn’t know I was supposed to do that.” (It’s not my fault).
Skill deficiency – “I don’t know how to do it properly.” (I’m afraid to try in case I fail).
Apathy – “It really doesn’t make any difference.” or “No one really cares.” (Poor me) or “I’m not in the mood.” (My emotions are blocking any progress).
Fixed habits and patterns – “I’ve always done it this way.” (Change frightens me) or “I work better under pressure.” (I’ll do it when I’m really forced, because that is the only thing that can overcome my fear of failure).
Inertia – “I just can’t seem to get started.” (I’m too frightened I’ll fail, so doing nothing feels like the only way out).
Frail memory – “I just forgot.” (It’s not my fault, even if didn’t do anything to remind myself).
Physical problems -“I was sick.” (I usually am when faced with something I don’t want to do, because it gets me off the hook).
Perfectionism – “I can’t get started as it won’t be perfect.” (I was taught to believe that nothing less than perfection is acceptable).

Asking yourself questions like these can support you to get underneath your habit of procrastination and uncover what’s really, really at the root of your inaction. By staying with your responses and inquiring deeply into them, you can raise your level of awareness about the nature of your resistance, then take action to move forward, reducing or eliminating the root causes of your resistance. That’s probably all it takes to become a “doer” on a consistent basis.

Some questions for self-reflection:

What are benefits of completing a task, and the benefits of procrastinating? Delve deeper by adding these additional questions:

• What will happen if I do this?
• What won’t happen if I do this?
• What will happen if I don’t do this?
• What won’t happen if I don’t do this?

Reflect on your responses and align with the energy and positivity of doing the right thing, while visualizing successful completion.
—————————————————–
(c) 2014, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful.
Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.

What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that “thing” is…maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”

I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.

I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com
You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TrueNorthPartnering