Spirituality, work and interdependency

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Robert Greenleaf’s “Servant Leadership” was one of the first business books I read (back in the ’70s). Many refer to him as a “revolutionary.” I do. What attracted me to him was how deeply his work, i.e., his theory and practice, bordered on what I knew at the time to be “spirituality” (i.e., not religion, not theology). What attracted me to his was (and is) the fact that Mr. Greenleaf was talking about the workplace. Imagine!

Interconnectivity

One of the foundations of his theory and approach was the notion of interconnectivity – that we are all interconnected, and it’s this interconnectedness that augurs for acknowledgement and conduct that furthers the creation of living organizations.

I vs. We

Supporting others in the workplace community to grow as persons, to become wiser, healthier, freer, more accepting and tolerant, and more autonomous may come only we shift consciousness and belief systems. Many work environments are largely defined by selfishness, greed, ego and competition, where we largely define folks by have and have not (on many levels-mentally, emotional, physically, creatively). I think we have both the challenge and opportunity to ask some fundamental questions about our sometimes negative and limiting belief structures and be reflective about what we can do to effectively transform both individual and collective consciousness so that our behaviors produce results that are mutually supportive – on every level.  Is this an illicit effort as Mr. Greenleaf might refer to it? Maybe yes; maybe no. I think it depends how we approach the exploration. I think it’s anything but illicit if such an exploration comes from a place of love and compassion.

Daily behavior   One place to start is by asking some fundamental, personal workplace questions: Do I gossip about others? Do I commonly experience conflict with people who have a different value system than mine? Do I incite reactionary behaviors from others? Do I waste materials and resources? Do I constantly behave in a way to prove I am superior to others (command, control, and power stuff)? Do I use profanity, rudeness, or insensitivity as a regular part of my interactive or communication style? Do I use the put-down as a common behavior trait? Am I tolerant and open to other cultures ideologically different from mine?  Am I honest and above board in my financial dealings with others?  Etc., etc.

Dysfunction

I think it’s important to understand that, consciously or unconsciously, like it or not, each individual is important to the functioning of the group or the organization in some way, shape or form. When an individual is out of balance, that out-of-balance dynamic impacts the organization (not unlike an unhealthy cancerous cell in our physical body). And, when greater numbers of people are out of balance, well, I think we all have some semblance of knowing where that can lead – issues related to performance, production, morale, absenteeism, presenteeism and the like – an undermining of the overall health and well-being of the organization. Dysfunction.

“Business as usual”

Unfortunately, this dysfunction does not always appear as a “red flag.” There are lots of folks who experience dysfunction – their own and/or others’ – as “business as usual.” For some, functioning poorly is a simple reality of the workplace. For me, dysfunction is a sign that all is not well.  Dysfunction is a tug on the collective sleeve that asks, How can I contribute to the restructuring of the workplace (or, my part of the workplace) to preserve the positive humanity and ensure quality of life for everyone?”   Answering this question means providing an environment where reflection, self-discovery, interpersonal growth, wellness and well-being, and continuous learning, for example, are as much a part of the workplace as are the coffee, cubicles and computers.

No one is an island

There are those who believe that each of us is an island, a “free agent,” whose sole purpose is to maintain our individuality, our place in the sun, our “space.” And, perhaps there’s some truth to this. But, my take is that when we choose to navigate life from a place where we choose to feel separate and independent from one another, we end up looking for excuses (certainly not “reasons”) to support our choices, our wanting, or needing to operate counter to the notion of interconnectedness, and community.   Spirituality has its place in the workplace. Try as we might, I don’t think there’s room for compartmentalization – checking our authentic self, our true self, our “spiritual” self, and care, compassion and love for others at the door when we walk into the workplace.

New paradigms

Interconnectedness and community are as important in the workplace as they are anywhere else on the planet, perhaps even more so, given the state of fear, anxiety, stress, ambiguity, inhumanity, addiction, depression and chaos that characterize many of our workplaces. Perhaps a renewed focus on how we conduct ourselves at work may even enhance the quality, the energy, the climate and the culture of our workplaces. And for many, this will entail changing belief structures. Is this illicit? I dont think so. Tough, hard, challenging, and threatening to the ego? Yes, very.

Perhaps with a conscious renewed focus on the workplace as one of community and interconnectedness, understanding, empathy and compassion for the human experience – yours and mine – may transform many of our dysfunctional workplaces into centers where humanity rules the day.

Finally, I think theres a conscious or unconscious tendency for so many to discount the whole of people’s humanity because “they are at work,” where folks support a system and mind-set where people are asked to be less than human and function in a disconnected, robotic way because they are “at work.” This is dehumanizing and compartmentalizing, and will never lead to the wholeness and well-being of either the individual or the organization.

Some questions for self-reflection:

• Are any of the following topics found in your management training manuals: loving people, being compassionate, spirituality, tolerance, selfless giving, forgiving, self-nurturing, contributing to the community, giving meaning to peoples lives and purpose?
• Do fear, scarcity, suspicion and survival overtly or covertly drive many of the relationships and interactions in your workplace?
• Do you experience any of these soul qualities in yourself or others as you move through your workday: passion, understanding, honesty, integrity, sincerity, kindness, compassion, empathy, humility, dignity, respect, love? If so, when, with whom?
• Do leaders or managers ever ask the following questions (do you): Who are we? Why do we exist? What is our defining character? What is our vision? How do we express our vision in products or service? Who is our customer? How do we market and sell our products and services most effectively? How do we exceed our customers expectations? What supports our most productive system of operation? How do we care for our people? How do we integrate humanistic principles and practices with sound business functioning? How do we treat others with respect, dignity and love? How can we preserve the dignity, health and well-being of all employees? How can we demonstrate we believe everything that exists is interdependent and interconnected nature, animals and humans? How do we adapt to new workplace demands? How do we manifest institutional moral responsibility? How can we shift from competition to cooperation? How can our values reflect responsibility for society and the environment?

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(c) 2015, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved. I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful. Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion. What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that thing ismaybe you dont. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”   I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.   I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TrueNorthPartnering

When I Make an Error…

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“I think that whenever soul is present, it’s because what you’re doing, whom you’re with, where you are, evokes love without your thinking about it. You are totally absorbed in the place or person or event, without ego and without judgment.” – Jean Shinoda Bolen

Does it ever happen that when you make an error, mess up, miscalculate, etc. you tend to blame your environmental, organizational, or life circumstances for your action? That is, “it’s not about me?” But, when someone else messes up, do you generally point to some character flaw in them you assume caused them to behave badly or inappropriately?

I know what’s wrong with you

What’s operating here is a psycho-social dynamic called the Fundamental Attribution Error (FAE). In essence, the FAE says we have a tendency to focus on another’s personality, character, values, motives or attitudes when we judge their actions while discounting their immediate situation or life circumstances as a reason for their behavior. We assume we “know” the other person and then judge them on the basis of “our knowing,” rather than on the social or environmental context which may be influencing them.

There’s nothing wrong with me

However, when it comes to me, it’s never about me! It’s always about my life circumstances or social context; it’s never about my own personality or character.

Consider:

1. On the way out of the building, I pass a coworker and say “hi.” They act like they don’t even see me, their eyes down, not a word. I assume they’re thoughtless, self-absorbed, unfriendly or even an absent-minded jerk.

2. My partner returns home after work and immediately goes to their computer. Not an “hello” or a glance – just a bee-line movement past me to get online. I choose to make a judgment about how disrespectful, unkind, unloving, cruel and uncaring they are.

In both circumstances, I have made judgments and assumptions that point to the other’s personality or character – on the basis that I “know” them and what’s going on in their life.

What I don’t know

In the first example, the individual just learned her seventeen-year-old sun was in fight at school and was taken to the hospital in critical condition; and in the second, my partner was told at 4:45 pm there was a chance they would be let go next week and they should check their email tonight for further information about the company’s possible next steps.

The critical question is: Why does it seldom occur to us that folks like this may be preoccupied – in deep thought or reflection based on some challenging life circumstance or event?”

The point here is to be self-aware, conscious of how much our ego-mind, our judgmental-comparative, reactive mind, our human side, drives our habitual and patterned behaviors and thoughts during our day, especially when it comes to interacting with and judging others.

The Antidote to the FAE

“When we focus on clarifying what is being observed, felt, and needed rather than on diagnosing and judging, we discover the depth of our own compassion.” – Marshall B. Rosenberg

One way to understand the FAE phenomena is to be curious about how we view others, and connect with others – at work, at home, at play and in relationship. What is the “frame” within which we relate to others?

An exercise

Imagine three walls. On one there are ten framed pictures (all ten are the same picture) of the individual in the first situation above. On the second wall there are ten similar pictures of your partner and on the third wall, ten of yourself. Under each frame is a blank label.

Next, label each individual in each pictures in any way you wish- word, phrase….

When done, consider the labels, including those of yourself. How many of the labels reflect a “task-orientation” and how many reflect a “person-orientation?” How many reflect an objective, functional, role-playing, positional or impersonal orientation? How many reflect a subjective, heart-felt, or human orientation? How many reflect a human do-ing and how many a human be-ing?

Who’s judging – and the benefit of the doubt

The labels provide insight into what’s operating in us when we judge others. When we come from an impersonal, officious or “business-like” orientation to our world – at work, at home, at play and in relationship – we’re more inclined to be harsh, objective and judgmental.

On the other hand, when we come from a heart-felt, subjective, personal and more conscious orientation, it’s often easier to be more aware of our reactivity, more able and willing to relate to the “person” as opposed to the “function” and be more open to giving another the benefit of the doubt – making no assumptions about another’s character, attitudes, values or motives. We allow that we don’t know chapter and verse about another (even our closest friends or loved ones) and thus refuse to judge them.

In fact, when we view others from a heart-felt place, we choose to be empathic, compassionate and accepting – understanding that, yes, another’s life circumstances and context can affect their behavior. No assumptions; no inferences.

“If you are pained by external things, it is not they that disturb you, but your own judgment of them. And it is in your power to wipe out that judgment now.” – Marcus Aurelius

Why the FAE is our default mode

Simple. It’s easier and less scary to judge others than to honestly, sincerely and self-responsibly get to know ourselves. Judging others lets us off the hook of self-awareness, self-responsibility and self-management. Judging others’ motives and values allows us to forego exploring the truth of our own values and motives underneath our behaviors and attitudes.

Too, because we, in fact, don’t know – and/or don’t care – about what’s really going on in another’s life, we find it easier to focus on the person, rather than their context – assuming, comparing and criticizing based on what we think we know – or make up – about another.

Native Americans approach the FAE in this way: “Don’t judge a man until you have walked two moons in his moccasins.”

Consider

Everyone is in Chapter Three of their life. No one knows what transpired in Chapters One and Two. Don’t assume you know.

No one gets up in the morning and says, “I’m going to be a jerk today.” Don’t assume you know their motives for acting.

Showing up in life – at work, at home, at play and in relationship – authentically, in integrity, and from a heart-felt place, we are more inclined to forego the FAE habit, or prejudge others. When we relate to others from a heart-felt, compassionate place, we can choose to be more accepting, forgiving, empathic and understanding.

Some questions for self-reflection:

• Am I often prone to inferring what I think motivates another to act, or behave badly?
• When I behave inappropriately, do I usually justify my negative behavior by pointing to outside events and circumstances, and not to me?
• Do I own my negative actions?
• Do I ever consider how I’d behave if I were in another’s moccasins?
• Do I consciously observe, watch and witness my negative behaviors?
• Am I willing to consider unseen causes for another’s negative behavior?
• Can I be compassionate toward others who behave inappropriately?
• Am I generally judgmental about others? What does being judgmental get me?
• Is there someone on my team or in my family about whom I can be less judgmental, and more understanding? How so?
• Am I a master of the art form of blame?
• How do I feel when another judges me – especially when they have no idea of my life situation or context?
• What would my life be like if I practiced being totally receptive, without judgment, to the circumstances, events and people in my life?

“It’s not differences that divide us; it’s our judgments about each other that do.” – Margaret Wheatley
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(c) 2015, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful.
Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.

What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that “thing” is…maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”

I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.

I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com
You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TrueNorthPartnering

How To Fail as a Leader

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It’s often said that people join companies but leave their managers. And it is absolutely true. A raft of research has shown that the vast majority of employees who quit their jobs don’t leave their company, they leave their boss.

Meanwhile, when leaders, managers and supervisors are fired, replaced or removed, it’s not usually because they lack technical expertise or know-how. They fail because of their lack of effective interpersonal skills.

Every organization needs to invest in training, learning and development. But how many invest in learning and development that promotes self-discovery, healthy workplace relationships, commitment and accountability to each other?

It’s not personal; it’s interpersonal

Dysfunctional behaviors poison the workplace atmosphere; adversely affect performance and damage productivity, profits and morale. So it ought to be in an organization’s own best interests to eliminate them.

But equally, the individuals who exhibit such behaviors have to make a conscious choice that they want to eliminate them – and that demands self-reflection, personal change and an exploration of their personal beliefs, expectations and values around the nature and purpose of work. Policies, systems, manuals or programs can never make up for the damage done by leaders, managers and supervisors who are deficient in personal awareness and interpersonal skills.

Successful, sustainable performance stems from people who know how to talk, listen and interrelate with one another. Employees with a healthy sense of self-esteem, self-awareness, engagement and commitment will inevitably seek out and create conscious, healthy and successful relationships with those around them. They create a virtuous circle, sustaining an atmosphere and culture that in turn motivates and engages others.

Being “smart” is not the same as being “healthy”

If you are one of those leaders or managers who thinks that credentials, technical competency and expertise (the “smart” B-school stuff) are enough to ensure your success in the workplace, perhaps it might be wise to think again. Technical expertise alone isn’t enough to encourage, teach, guide, coach and facilitate others (the “healthy” stuff) – unhampered by the personal and interpersonal issues that create barriers to a harmonious and productive workplace.

But if you’re still set on contributing to a toxic culture that is characterized by disengagement, low commitment, presenteeism, distrust, resentment, conflict, secrecy, a lack accountability, poor morale, high turnover and missed opportunities – all of which can be traced back to you – here are my guidelines for leaders, managers and supervisors who – consciously or unconsciously – want to fail.

• Your responses to suggestions or ideas always begin with “no,” “but” or “however.”
• You try to rationalize counter-productive procedures and nonsensical bureaucratic practices by saying: “this is just the way it is.”
• You judge others from an ego-driven, critical, subjective, perspective: “why can’t you be more like me?”.
• You get defensive or aggressive every time someone questions your thoughts or your decisions.
• You justify actions that may be unethical, immoral, or lacking in integrity because “it’s the way we do business in a competitive marketplace.”
• You admonish those who make mistakes or disagree with you – and to do it in public.
• You’re emotionally disconnected and distant from your colleagues and direct reports.
• You’re cold, calculating, emotionally unapproachable and unforgiving of others; you run the show from a “hey, this is a business!” perspective.
• You shun creativity and innovation and encourage a “not invented here” attitude.
• You shun truth, fairness and justice in favor of expediency, convenience, cutting corners and “making a buck as quickly as possible.”
• You compete rather than co-operate and take the “I’m always right” (me vs. you) road rather than seeking mediation or a win-win outcome.
• You allow your anger, frustration and anxiety to leak out when engaged in dialogues.
• You’re a source of weakness and confusion in the face of a stressful and uncertain environment.
• You don’t allow yourself or others the time for self-reflection and deeper thinking.
• You don’t search for meaning in what you do and communicate to others that purpose and meaning are “soft” or “new agey” and have no place at work.

Exploring whether any of these behaviors describes you is the first step towards developing the self-awareness that underpins personal and professional growth and fosters the critical skills that will keep your leadership, management or supervisory career on track

Some questions for self-reflection:

• How do you feel about the idea that “soft skills” are equally – perhaps more – important to your career and should be included in training and development efforts?
• Do you manifest any of these traits in your everyday interactions?
• Has anyone ever tugged on your sleeve about your lack of people skills?
• On a scale of 1-10, where does your boss lie when it comes to his/her people skills? If on the low end, how does this affect your relationship with him/her?
• What story might you tell yourself that justifies your feeling that technical expertise and not people skills is all that matters in how you deal with people at work?
• Do you feel that you use people-skills effectively? Would others agree with you?
• Do you consider yourself a “people person?” Do others? How do you know?
• Is having effective people-skills considered a core competency in your organization? Is it part of formal organizational, educational training?
• Do you ever think about skills or habits you have that may cause your co-workers to disengage from you? Does that bother you?
• If you are successful, do you believe your success is a justification for the way you behave or are you successful in spite of the way you behave?
• Do money, status, power and popularity get in the way of your experiencing healthy, conscious relationships at work?
• Do you ever ask others, formally or informally, for feedback? Are you comfortable asking for and receiving feedback?
• Do you ever ask others’ for their opinions or suggestions and then argue with them when their input is not what you want to hear?
• Are you conscious of what’s underneath the way people respond to you in your presence both verbally and non-verbally?
• Are you curious of how people perceive you? Do you ever consider how you contribute to others’ perceptions of you?
• How happy are you at work?

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(c) 2015, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved. I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful. Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion. What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that thing ismaybe you dont. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”   I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.   I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com

You can also follow me on Twitter:@petergvajda.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TrueNorthPartnering

What stops us from self-actualizing?

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Those familiar with Maslow’s hierarchy of needs know that self-actualization – be all you can be – is the highest level human need. The needs in order from lowest to highest are: BASIC – physiological (i.e., health, food,  sleep, sex, water, etc., and security (of the body, of employment, of resources, of morality, of property, insurance,  etc. If basic needs are not met, there can be no movement towards self-actualization. Over and above the basic needs are the SOCIAL and PSYCHOLOGICAL needs: belonging (i.e., love, affection, friendship, family, sexual intimacy, etc.), esteem (i.e., self-esteem, esteem from others, personal worth, social recognition, confidence, achievement, etc.) and self-actualization (i.e., morality, creativity, spontaneity, problem solving, lack of prejudice, acceptance of facts, etc.)

The Basics come first

According to Maslow’s theory, if you want be on the path of true self-actualization, you need to take care of your BASIC needs first. That is, if you’re hungry, you need to get food. If you feel unsafe, you constantly have to be vigilant and on guard. This is where you spend the plurality of your time and energy.

Truth be told, only about two percent of the population is actually, proactively, consciously self-actualizing, according to Maslow.

So, the question now becomes, what is it that is preventing me from being all I can be, from self-actualizing?

Here’s an exercise

Draw a stick figure of yourself. Then draw four straight lines, horizontally, each about two-to-three inches long, extending out from the center of the body, each one about an inch and a half away from the other lines (you’re going to write on these lines, so leave room above and below each line).

On each of the four lines, write one of Maslow’s needs: physiological, security, belonging, and esteem (don’t use self-actualization here).

Look above, in the first paragraph, at what constitutes each of these needs. Take some time and reflect on how much of your total available time and energy  (i.e., physical, emotional, psychological, spiritual, social, financial, etc. as a totality) you expend on fulfilling each of the four needs and write that percentage at the right of each line.

For example,

Lillian is experiencing low self-esteem issues, so she is spending a majority of her time engaged in social networking and the like which makes her feel “like somebody” and wanted. She writes 40% at the end of the “esteem” need. Her physiological needs are fairly well met so she writes 5% at the end of the “physiological” line. She has concerns about her job, so she writes 30% at the end of the “security” line. Belonging is an issue as she and her partner are having intimacy challenges (different from the “sex” element in the physiological need area), so she writes 25% at the end of the “belonging” line. Total energy expenditure = 100%. We’ll return to this in a moment.

Wilson is experiencing the aftereffects of a terrible tornado. There’s huge damage to his home and automobile. Although his insurance will cover the material damage, he’s devastated emotionally over the loss of family heirlooms that are irreplaceable but more stressed about the rebuilding of his home and how it will compare with his neighbors.

He writes 30% on the “security” line. In addition, he feels he’s being “shut out” by his friends at the local golf club. He feels he “doesn’t belong” and he’s not sure why. He spends a fair amount of time obsessing about this so he writes 25% on the “belonging” line. Wilson feels that if he’s not “socially networking” every free moment he’ll fall out of the loop and lag behind others who know “what’s the latest.” So, Wilson writes 20% on the esteem line as he’s feeling lacking, deficient and being “left out.” Finally, he feels he’s not living up to his parents’ expectations, so he writes 25% on the belonging line.  Total energy expenditure = 147%. We’ll return to this in a moment as well.

Get the picture? Now do this exercise for your self – be honest and sincere with your exploration and your scoring. Tell the truth. And, not everyone’s expenditure will add up to 100%; some might even go beyond 100% and that’s OK.

Qualities of self-actualization.

According to Maslow, self-actualizers exhibited a number of qualities:

They are reality-centered – they know the difference between what is fake and what is real; what is honest from what is dishonest.
They are solution-oriented – they see life as solutions, not problems; they are not victims.
They don’t necessarily have an “end” in sight;’ they see the journey as, if not more, important than the end.
They enjoy solitude; they are comfortable in their own skins; they enjoy fewer close personal friends than shallow relationships with a host of acquaintances.
They enjoy being autonomous – being free from or independent from physical and social needs.  They consciously resist social pressure to “fit in.”
They have a healthy sense of humor – not engaging in sarcasm, put-down humor or humor at the expense of others.
They accept others just as they are. They don’t try to change others, or themselves if they have a quirk or other non-harmful quality.
They are spontaneous and simple – eschewing pretension or artificiality.
They have a sense of humility and respect towards others, all others and a strong sense of ethics.
They have a sense of wonder and appreciation, are creative and have more peak experiences (being one with life and/or God) than most.
They transcend common dualities or dichotomies: spiritual/physical, selfish/unselfish, masculine/feminine.
They need truth, goodness, beauty, wholeness, aliveness, uniqueness, completion, justice, simplicity, richness, effortlessness, playfulness, self-sufficiency, and meaningfulness in their lives.

So, you ask, everyone wants these qualities, right? Yes, most everyone does. And, here’s the deal.

What gets in the way?

If you are striving, efforting or struggling to satisfy your Basic needs, then movement towards self-actualization will be halted or quite slow. If you’re starving, without financial support or need a roof over your head, you’re not concerned with the qualities of self-actualization, and rightly so.

BUT, if your basic needs are pretty well met, and you’re spending an inordinate amount of time and energy on your social and psychological needs – at the expense of self-actualizing – why? What is it about belonging, friendship, sexual intimacy, self-esteem, esteem from others, self-worth, confidence, achievement, and the like that takes much of your time and energy?

And, you, what did you see with this exercise? Are you on or near the road to self-actualization?

Some questions for self-reflection:

• Which of your needs are being met and which aren’t? How so?
• Where do you spend the majority or plurality of your time, effort and energy? Why?
• Do you often feel stressed and overwhelmed? How so?
• Do you have time and energy to move towards self-actualization? If not, who or what prevents you from doing so? Is that OK?
• Do you know folks who exhibit some or many of the self-actualization qualities Maslow describes? What’s it like to be around him, her or them?
• What did you see about yourself from this exercise?
• How much time and energy do you devote to social/psychological needs? Why?

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(c) 2015, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful.
Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.

What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that “thing” is…maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”

I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.

I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com
You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TrueNorthPartnering