• About

True North Partnering

~ Your Guide to a Better You

True North Partnering

Monthly Archives: July 2015

Awareness – it’s more than “knowing.”

31 Friday Jul 2015

Posted by pvajda2013 in Personal Effectiveness, Relationships

≈ Leave a comment

awareness

Speaker page,  Facebook Page, Becoming a Better You book page

Most folks experience problems in their life – at work, at home, at play and in relationship; it’s part of the human condition.

Awareness is what allows one to (1) see how one is creating a problem and/or (2) see that there is nothing one can do about a particular problem. Each has its value.

For example, one cannot change the fact that life is impermanent. Things change. One cannot change the fact that life is based on cause and effect. Awareness (not just “knowing”, as we’ll see in a moment) of these facts supports one to let go. Being aware, and dropping resistance, life’s “problems” cease to be problems. Awareness is the key to reducing or lessening some “problems” – by seeing how one plays one’s role in the cause and effect equation. “If I do/believe this, then that will/won’t happen.” “If I don’t do/believe this, then that will/will not happen.” Awareness is the key.

Most folks, (99%), remain at a static level of awareness. Why? Because their environment makes no drastic changes and they feel they are moderately “successful” with who they are and how they are. Life is “working” OK, so they continue to do what they do, the way they do it. They live on “autopilot,” in a world of routine, and often behave in counter-productive and mentally and emotionally dysfunctional ways. They effort to limit change, refuse new information, or engage in new experiences. Awareness has come to a standstill.

The 1% who are proactively seeking awareness engage in efforts to change – they read, attend classes, welcome new ideas and perspectives, try new things, meditate, reflect, seek out others different from themselves, and look for challenge and stimulation. With awareness, their perspective expands – moving from a focus on “me” to a focus on others, e.g., family, immediate groups, and perhaps to all of humanity and then to all living things. These folks are standing at a higher point on the mountain. They are more able to see how their past had created their present and how their present is creating their future.

How does awareness work?

As one increases their level of awareness, they gain clarity on the dynamic of cause and effect, how it affects one, and how one affects it. People see how a world of effects flows from one’s beliefs. They gain clarity on their internal beliefs and begin to inquire into their previously unexplored assumptions about reality. Many see that what they thought was “reality” is, in fact, just an effect of what they believed was “true” and now is not. They begin to see what most do not. Not unlike how a child first becomes aware of himself (generic), and then sees he is separate from others. Later, he becomes aware of his body, then his motions, his senses, his emotions, and, if truly aware, his beliefs, thoughts, assumptions, expectations, etc.

The deeper truth of awareness

Few really discern how their thoughts, actions, and beliefs affect their world of cause and effect, or understand how the world of cause and effect affects them.

Awareness of one’s thoughts, actions, beliefs, “stories” and assumptions is important because these elements create just about all of one’s life experience. The way one thinks, processes information and creates one’s “internal” reality actually creates how one feels, how one behaves and determines who and what one attracts in one’s life and how one interprets and gives meaning to what happens “out there.”

Becoming aware of how they create their internal reality, one gains a choice over what happens in one’s life. Awareness creates choice. When one becomes a witness, watcher and observer of one’s thinking, feeling and acting states, one can witness exactly how one’s internal states generate one’s feelings, emotions and subsequent actions.

The downside of being unaware

When one is unaware of how they create their life, they live life of rote, habit – unconsciously creating a life they were taught (programmed) to create as a child. They are “futurizing their past.” The unaware lack a consciousness of their internal map of reality, of the thoughts they think, the beliefs they have and the effects they create. They are creating life unconsciously. If one is unable or unwilling to learn how to become a witness, watcher and observer of one’s self, life continues to happen on autopilot – thoughts, feelings, emotions and actions just “happen.”

Awareness allows change

When we’re aware of how our internal map of reality (thoughts, beliefs, assumptions, etc.) leads to our behavior, then we have a choice as to how (1) we create our internal state and (2) how we behave. This awareness allows us to do what we know we need to do and not do what we know we need not do – because awareness “sees” the consequences of our thoughts and actions. Slowly, self-limiting thoughts and behaviors begin to melt away as we will learn to not engage in thoughts and actions that don’t serve us. Awareness keeps us from being on autopilot – engaging in self-destructive thoughts and behaviors over and over again. One cannot act in a way that is self-destructive while being aware.

Awareness is not knowing

Repeat – awareness is not knowing – being aware of how you do something is not the same as knowing that you do something. This is important. The unaware know they engage in self-limiting and self-sabotaging behavior. But, they don’t stop.

Awareness is seeing “inside” – that what you do “inside” creates an outcome while you’re doing it.

Looking at beliefs is critical. A belief is a thought that we think over and over and take for “True.” In order to feel safe and secure with “our truth,” we engage in an unconscious circular, incorrect type of logical “thinking” which we take to be “common sense”, for example:

“This is true for me because I have evidence it is so.” (1) I attract people, events and circumstances that are my “evidence.” If I believe all ____ are jerks, then I’ll attract the people and circumstances to prove me “right.” (2) I interpret my experience in a way that makes me right. While there may be numerous interpretations, I’ll chose the one that supports my belief.  (3) I’ll behave in a way that allows my belief to be right.

For the unaware, all this is happening on autopilot. For them, how can it not be true! These folks are unconsciously self-selecting the people, places, circumstances, events and interpretations that allow them to be right (while rejecting other people, places, circumstances, events and interpretations that may point to the contrary.)

Being aware of our beliefs, and seeing how they generate people, places, circumstances, events, and the appearance of truth, is important. Most folks, keep believing what they believe and live on autopilot, creating outcomes based on their beliefs.

Awareness allows one to “go deep” – to be a witness, watcher and observe of one’s internal state –  leading to insights, AHAs and a deeper understanding of “reality” than can change one’s view of one’s self, one’s place on the planet, one’s view of humanity, the planet and all of life. The upshot is that what we have taken for so long to be “true” will often be uncovered for the illusion and delusion it most often is.

Awareness comes with a cost

Awareness does not happen in a microwave fashion. Awareness takes awareness – focus, intentionality, purposefulness, and consistent practice.

If you choose to pay the price, you can be sure to experience a whole new world – one where self-limiting and self-sabotaging beliefs, thoughts and actions will begin to fall away. In this new world, you’ll become OK with the impermanence of things, of life itself – “no longer fighting the good fight” – and trust, let go and surrender while experiencing less pain and suffering from trying to hang on for dear life in all the ways that bring you anxiety, stress, sadness, depression, anger, regret, and resistance, etc. Too, being aware of the “cause-effect” nature of life, you’ll be more aware of how your internal state affects your experience of life and come to make more conscious, healthier life choices.

The strategy to gain awareness

There are specific practices you can engage in, consistently, to support your capacity to become more aware. First, is consistent meditation. Second, is spending time every day (ten minutes here and there) being a witness, watcher and observer of your self – noticing your internal pictures, scripts, and dialogs, and then noticing how these elements directly affect your immediate internal experience – how you feel physiologically, your feelings and emotions. You can also play back the “tape of your day” at night and re-visit an experience or two and observe what you thought, felt, and said to yourself at the time that affected your experience in a particular event. Third, explore your internal reactivity and states associated with someone about whom you have strong feelings. What goes on in you at those times –  beliefs, thoughts, feelings, emotions – physiologically? Fourth, practice, practice, practice. Practice does make, if not perfect, certainly, much, much better. In time, you’ll discover a whole new you – one who will not be able to create internal self-limiting and self-sabotaging states without seeing what you’re doing. As you become aware (seeing what you’re doing, not knowing), you’ll begin to resist. Ask consistently, “What am I thinking?” and “What am I feeling?’

As you gain new levels of awareness about how you live life from a negative place (as a result of your beliefs), you’ll be much more conscious of how you (1) attract people and circumstances that help you prove you’re “right”; (2) choose the one interpretation that gives the “appearance” you’re right; and (3) behave in ways causing you to be right (about your belief).

Watching, witnessing and observing the internal process you go through prove yourself “right”, with an active curiosity, and watching and observing your actions will lead to discovering what doesn’t really serve you – over time supporting you to let go of self-limiting and self-sabotaging beliefs, assumptions and thoughts. As you let go, a new sense of aliveness, enthusiasm and lightness will arise supporting you to understand with a deep awareness that “my life doesn’t have to be this way.” That’s awareness!

Some questions for self-reflection:

  • Have you ever engaged in a formal/informal process of self-awareness?
  • How well do you really, really know yourself?
  • Are you open to new possibilities and insights about yourself? What would your colleagues, friends, spouse or partner say?
  • Are you comfortable with your emotions?
  • Would you say you are in touch with your body?
  • Do you often resist or feel uncomfortable with reality that is not “your reality?” If so, why?
  • Do you often search deep and wide for ways to prove you’re “right?”
  • Have you even been described as a “control freak?”
  • Have you recently given up any belief or premise that you found has been a persistent cause of upset for you?
  • Would you say you are more self-aware than you were last year, two years ago, five years ago? Remember, aware” (aware of what’s happening deeply inside you), not just “knowing” more about yourself.
  • Where do you find stillness every day?
  • How did you become aware of who you were as you were growing up?

“Getting in touch with your true self must be your first priority.”  Tom Hopkins
—————————————————–
(c) 2015, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful.
Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.

What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that “thing” is…maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”

I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.

I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com

You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TrueNorthPartnering

Rules – do they apply to you?

28 Tuesday Jul 2015

Posted by pvajda2013 in Personal Effectiveness, Relationships

≈ Leave a comment

Do you judge your inappropriate behaviors differently from the inappropriate behaviors of others? How do you define integrity and character? Do you live a life of integrity and haracter? http://bit.ly/1U3UQhC

sign

Are you lost? That’s a good thing.

16 Thursday Jul 2015

Posted by pvajda2013 in Personal Effectiveness, Relationships

≈ Leave a comment

Horse-Rider-Sunset-SilhouetteSpeaker page,  Facebook Page, Becoming a Better You book page

In the midst of the political, financial, environmental, and workplace uncertainty, and upheaval and upset many are experiencing these days, it’s not surprising to feel a sense of hopelessness and helplessness. Worry has replaced wonder; anxiety has replaced exhilaration.

There’s a story of a man on a galloping horse who passes a bystander. The bystander yells, “Where are you going?” to which the rider responds, “I have no idea; ask my horse.”

Uncertainty
Mired in a sea of uncertainty, confusion and overwhelm, we turn to others for help. Experts who come in various shapes and forms, espousing varied hypotheses and theories, can’t agree. No one seems to know what will happen, really happen, a year, or two, or three or more down the road.

When we orient to our world from a place of fear, our orienting response takes the form of flight, fight, or freeze – we run away from our problems and challenges, we fight, often unsuccessfully, to reduce or eliminate our challenges or problems; or we stand still like a deer in the headlights, paralyzed and perplexed. More than a few are dazed and despairing.

The meaning of experience.
The fact is our problems and challenges have much to teach us, about ourselves. Even deep-seated trauma has a message – if we choose to stop, explore, inquire and ask for the teaching. That’s a huge “if.”

Encased in fear, malaise and uncertainly, we have two choices: (1) do nothing, wring our hands and hope that someone or something will take care of us and wait, or (2) ask why such events are happening FOR me, and seek the teachings/learning that comes from honestly, sincerely, and self-responsibly confronting the issues standing before us. There can be no light without darkness.

Getting lost can show us the way.
If we choose, getting lost allows us to open the door to the darkness, the unknown, and seek answers, guidance and intuitive responses to our questions. After all, we came here from the darkness and one day we’ll return to the darkness. So, why not now?

Our ego’s deep need for control is what keeps us fearful and afraid. We can choose to bypass our ego, our conditioned mind, and move towards the uncertainty which is where we find answers, the real answers to our challenges and dilemmas. The unknown does not have to be scary. Only if we choose to make it so.

Embrace the unknown
One of the benefits of welcoming and embracing the unknown is that the experience takes us out of our own rigid box and supports us to change and transform. Clarity and insight often come from confusion, if we get out of our own way and remain open to the journey of discovery.

In these dark days of gloom, fear, upset and discomfort, we can resolve, if we choose, to embrace the mystery, to surrender to uncertainty, and be open to not knowing – from a place of curiosity, excitement, and openness, rather than cringe from a place of anger, terror, angst, hate or vengeance.

There’s beauty in the dark.
There is a certainty, balance and coherence in the unknown and there is a wealth of strength, courage and steadfastness in our own soul that supports our growth and development by seeking what we don’t know, if we choose. This is the essence of true change and transformation – moving consciously through our insecurities. Becoming comfortable with our discomfort.

Getting lost is what allows us to see the truth not only of our self, but of our relationship to our work, our world, and to others.

Endings are always another beginning; darkness never exists without light.

Where is your horse taking you?

Some questions for self-reflection:

  • How are currents events affecting you – financially, emotionally, mentally, psychologically and spiritually?
  • Every cloud has a silver lining; every silver lining has a cloud. Which is your orientation to life and living? Why?
  • How do you commonly react to being/feeling “lost” or experiencing uncertainty?
  • Are you generally a fearful person? If so, why do you think that is?
  • Are you one who always needs to have all the answers?
  • Would others describe you as a controlling person?
  • Do you ever lose yourself? What’s that like for you?
  • At the top of a roller coaster, you can scream with excitement or scream with fear? Which would you do? Why?
  • What was “being lost” like for you, your parents, or your family when you were growing up?

—————————————————–
(c) 2015, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful.
Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.

What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that “thing” is…maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”

I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.

I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com

You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TrueNorthPartnering

Firecacker or Dud?

03 Friday Jul 2015

Posted by pvajda2013 in Personal Development, Relationships

≈ Leave a comment

firecrackerSpeaker page,  Facebook Page, Becoming a Better You book page

On this holiday weekend in the midst of fireworks and fun, leisure and lightness, fun and frolic, how about taking a few minutes of quiet and solitude to reflect on how you’re doing as a leader, manager or supervisor.

Is your leadership, management or supervisory behavior cause for celebration? Are you a firecracker who inspires those around you to sparkle or a dud who rains on their parade? To help you find the answer, here are 25 simple statements to rate yourself against. Think about them on a scale where:

3 = Always 2 = Usually, or Often 1 = Reasonably 0 = Rarely or never

  1. My mission, objectives, and goals reflect my highest values and principles.
  2. My vision and values are in alignment with my organization’s mission and values.
  3. My team is committed to achieving our company’s goals and objectives.
  4. I lead my people by example. I walk my talk. I am in integrity.
  5. I have the knowledge, skills and resources necessary to perform my tasks effectively.
  6. My team members have the knowledge, skills and resources to be optimally productive.
  7. My team members understand the benefits of collaborating to move in a unified direction.
  8. I observe on-the-job activity and am available for questions and feedback.
  9. My team members establish priorities for tasks to be accomplished.
  10. I listen carefully to my team members and encourage them to express their opinions.
  11. I resolve conflict as it occurs, and consider the best interests of all concerned.
  12. I inform my team members immediately about changes, policies, and procedures that affect them.
  13. I am firm and fair-minded when dealing with my co-workers.
  14. I have the best interests of my co-workers in mind.
  15. I recognize optimal performance, and express appreciation in a timely manner.
  16. I delegate responsibility, accountability, and authority effectively.
  17. My team members receive adequate training, coaching and participation on the job.
  18. When I delegate a task, I trust my co-workers can do the job and I do not interfere.
  19. I encourage initiative, involvement, and innovation from my co-workers.
  20. I use constructive feedback to optimize the productivity of co-workers.
  21. My decisions are consistent with corporate policies, procedures, and objectives.
  22. I take calculated risks, and develop contingency plans for major decisions.
  23. I develop objectives and performance standards with my people.
  24. I systematically evaluate the performance of my people.
  25. I motivate my people to do their best on the job.

Looking at your answers, how would you rate yourself as a leader or manager? As a real firecracker, a dud, or somewhere in between? Why? And what about other people?
How would they rate you? Do you know? Do you care?

And a bonus question. Do you depend on alcohol, drugs, excessive intake of food, sugar, caffeine, or other external stimulants to enjoy this holiday? Could you experience true and real joy, peace, pleasure, happiness and OK-ness without these? What would your experience be like this holiday without dependence on external sources or stimulants to give you a boost or to artificially make you feel joyful or happy?

Casting your mind back to this time last year, have you made any positive changes that have improved your leadership or management capabilities? What about making some this year?

Are you willing to try this? If not, why not?

Happy 4th!

———————————————————-

(c) 2015, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful. Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.

What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that thing is…maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”

I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.

I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com

You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda. Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Truenorthpartnering

Subscribe

  • Entries (RSS)
  • Comments (RSS)

Archives

  • January 2023
  • December 2022
  • November 2022
  • October 2022
  • September 2022
  • August 2022
  • July 2022
  • June 2022
  • May 2022
  • April 2022
  • March 2022
  • February 2022
  • January 2022
  • December 2021
  • November 2021
  • October 2021
  • September 2021
  • August 2021
  • July 2021
  • June 2021
  • May 2021
  • April 2021
  • March 2021
  • February 2021
  • January 2021
  • December 2020
  • November 2020
  • October 2020
  • September 2020
  • August 2020
  • July 2020
  • June 2020
  • May 2020
  • April 2020
  • March 2020
  • February 2020
  • January 2020
  • December 2019
  • November 2019
  • October 2019
  • September 2019
  • August 2019
  • July 2019
  • June 2019
  • May 2019
  • April 2019
  • March 2019
  • February 2019
  • January 2019
  • December 2018
  • November 2018
  • October 2018
  • September 2018
  • August 2018
  • July 2018
  • June 2018
  • May 2018
  • April 2018
  • March 2018
  • February 2018
  • January 2018
  • December 2017
  • November 2017
  • October 2017
  • September 2017
  • August 2017
  • July 2017
  • June 2017
  • May 2017
  • April 2017
  • March 2017
  • February 2017
  • January 2017
  • December 2016
  • November 2016
  • October 2016
  • September 2016
  • August 2016
  • July 2016
  • June 2016
  • May 2016
  • April 2016
  • March 2016
  • February 2016
  • January 2016
  • December 2015
  • November 2015
  • October 2015
  • September 2015
  • August 2015
  • July 2015
  • June 2015
  • May 2015
  • April 2015
  • March 2015
  • February 2015
  • January 2015
  • December 2014
  • November 2014
  • October 2014
  • September 2014
  • August 2014
  • July 2014
  • June 2014
  • May 2014
  • April 2014
  • March 2014
  • February 2014
  • January 2014
  • December 2013

Categories

  • Change
  • Personal Development
  • Personal Effectiveness
  • Relationships
  • Uncategorized

Meta

  • Register
  • Log in

  • Follow Following
    • True North Partnering
    • Join 63 other followers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • True North Partnering
    • Customize
    • Follow Following
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar
 

Loading Comments...