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“No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the stars, or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new heaven to the human spirit.” – Helen Keller
The reality of life is that life comes with problems and challenges.
Secret Sauce of Dealing with Problems
The secret sauce of living with life’s problems and challenges is changing our orientation, our perspective. Rather than efforting to avoid problems, or be in denial about life’s challenges, we can shed the “victim consciousness” and choose to see what messages or learnings about life’s problems are offering us. A change in perspective often leads to the discovery of an inner strength, courage and will – an inner power – that supports us to persevere and meet life’s challenges.
Problems and consciousness
Each and every problem or challenge leads to an expansion of our consciousness – if we choose. We can choose to allow problems to stretch us – mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually – to break through the familiar and “safe” boundaries of our limitations. If we allow, problems serve to make the unconscious, conscious and in the process support us to reveal and heal past hurts and wounding. Renewed faith and trust are by-products of consciously dealing with problems.
When we’re “problem-oriented,” it’s usually impossible to be “solution-focused.” When we’re locked into a “woe is me” world-view, our hands are tied, so to speak, to search for a way through. And, that’s a choice – to be problem-focused or solution-focused.
Blame game
If you’re one who’s caught up in the blame-game, always pointing to something or someone “out there” for your problems, now is the time to understand that the source of every problem is inside us. Every problem is a mirror reflecting back to us our own personal, internal issues we have not owned. The truth is when we consciously own and address our issues, problems release their charge, their pull, and their tendency to “trigger” us and no longer cause us upset or trouble.
So, there it is. The “problem” buck stops with us. When we own our “stuff” and take self-responsibility for how we live our lives, we reduce and eliminate much of the pain and suffering we experience from our “problems.”
Many folks are waiting for their “real” lives to begin in some way – once all the obstacles are out of the way.
The conscious, self-responsible, person sees see that such obstacles are, in fact, their life.
Raised self-awareness
So, it’s good to remember that all problems are the Universe’s way to help us move to a higher level of self awareness. Rather that shun problems, a healthy practice can be to explore how your problems can contribute towards your growth and development. Once you’re on the “other side” of a problem, you’ll have a deeper understanding and clarity as to why that circumstance, that opportunity, i.e., that problem, was in your life. Why it happened “for” you, not “to” you.
Adversity can be a welcome guide and teacher. Life is all about “lessons learned.”
No problems = no learning. And we came into this life to learn. All of us.
Some questions for self-reflection:
- Are you generally “problem-oriented” or “solution-oriented?” What would your partner, spouse, friends or colleagues say?
- What major problems/challenges are on your plate these days? Are you approaching them self-responsibly? How so?
- Do you consistently think or feel “the grass is always greener on the other side?” How so?
- The way to see problems IS the problem. Do you agree?
- How do you create problems for yourself?
- Are you a blamer? Do you often feel like a victim?
- Do you think hating problems will make them go away? Does it work? Do they then go away?
- Have you ever found that what you thought was a problem, wasn’t? What was that like?
- How did you come to see problems as problems?
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(c) 2015, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.
I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful. Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.
What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that “thing” is…maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”
I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.
I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com
You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda.
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