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True North Partnering

Monthly Archives: August 2016

Spirituality and Work

20 Saturday Aug 2016

Posted by pvajda2013 in Personal Development, Personal Effectiveness, Relationships

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stones

Speaker page, Facebook Page, Becoming a Better You book page

Robert Greenleaf’s “Servant Leadership” was one of the first business books I read (back in the ’70s). Many refer to him as a “revolutionary.” I do. What attracted me to him was how deeply his work, i.e., his theory and practice, bordered on what I knew at the time to be “spirituality” (i.e., not religion, not theology). What attracted/attracts me to him is Mr. Greenleaf is talking about the workplace. Imagine!

Interconnectivity

One of the foundations of his theory and approach is the notion of interconnectivity – that we are all interconnected, and it’s this interconnectedness that augurs for acknowledgement and conduct that furthers the creation of living organizations.

I vs. We

Supporting others in the workplace community to grow as persons, to become wiser, healthier, freer, more accepting and tolerant, and more autonomous may come only we shift our consciousness and belief systems. Many work environments are largely defined by selfishness, greed, ego and competition, where we largely define folks by “have” and “have not” (on many levels-mentally, emotional, physically, and creatively).

I think we have both the challenge and opportunity to ask some fundamental questions about our sometimes negative and limiting belief structures and be reflective about what we can do to effectively transform both individual and collective consciousness so that our behaviors produce results that are mutually supportive – on every level.  Is this an “illicit” effort as Mr. Greenleaf might refer to it? Maybe yes; maybe no. I think it depends how we approach the exploration. I think it’s anything but illicit if such an exploration comes from a place of love, compassion and curiosity.

Daily behavior

One place to start is by asking some fundamental, personal workplace questions: Do I gossip about others? Do I commonly experience conflict with people who have a different value system than mine? Do I incite reactionary behaviors from others? Do I waste materials and resources? Do I constantly behave in a way to prove I am superior to others (command, control, and power stuff)? Do I use profanity, rudeness, or insensitivity as a regular part of my interactive or communication style? Do I use the “put-down” or sarcasm as a common behavior trait? Am I tolerant and open to other cultures ideologically different from mine?  Am I honest and above board in my financial dealings with others?  Etc.

Dysfunction

I think it’s important to understand that, consciously or unconsciously, like it or not, each individual is important to the functioning of the group or the organization in some way, shape or form. When an individual is out of balance, that out-of-balance dynamic impacts the organization (not unlike an unhealthy cancerous cell in our physical body). And, when greater numbers of people are out of balance, then we all have some semblance of knowing where that can lead – issues related to performance, production, morale, absenteeism, presenteeism and the like – an undermining of the overall health and well-being of the organization. Dysfunction.

“Business as usual”

Unfortunately, this dysfunction does not always appear as a “red flag.” There are lots of folks who experience dysfunction – their own and/or others’ – as “business as usual.” For some, functioning poorly is a simple reality of the workplace. For me, dysfunction is a sign that all is not well.  Dysfunction is a tug on our collective sleeve that asks, “How can I contribute to the restructuring of the workplace (or, my part of the workplace) to preserve the positive humanity and ensure quality of life for “everyone”?”

Answering this question means providing an environment where reflection, self-discovery, interpersonal growth, wellness and well-being, and continuous learning, for example, are as much a part of the workplace as are the coffee, cubicles and computers.

No one is an island

There are those who believe that each of us is an island, a “free agent,” whose sole purpose is to maintain our individuality, our place in the sun, our “space.” And, perhaps there’s some truth to this. But, my take is that when we choose to navigate life from a place where we choose to feel separate and independent from one another, we end up looking for excuses (certainly not “reasons”) to support our choices, our wanting, or needing to operate counter to the notion of interconnectedness, and community.

Spirituality has its place in the workplace. Try as we might, I don’t think there’s room for compartmentalization – checking our authentic self, our true self, our “spiritual” self, and care, compassion and love for others at the door when we walk into the workplace.

New paradigms

Interconnectedness and community are as important in the workplace as they are anywhere else on the planet, perhaps even more so, given the state of fear, anxiety, stress, ambiguity, inhumanity, addiction, depression and chaos that characterize many of our workplaces. Perhaps a renewed focus on how we conduct ourselves at work may even enhance the quality, the energy, the climate and the culture of our workplaces. And for many, this will entail changing belief structures. Is this illicit? I don’t think so. Tough, hard, challenging, and threatening to the ego? Yes, very.

Perhaps with a conscious renewed focus on the workplace as one of community and interconnectedness, understanding, empathy and compassion for the human experience – yours and mine – may transform many of our dysfunctional workplaces into centers where humanity rules the day.

Finally, I think there’s a conscious or unconscious tendency for so many to discount the “whole” of people’s humanity because “they are at work,” where folks support a system and mind-set where people are asked to be less than human and function in a disconnected, robotic way because they are “at work.” This is dehumanizing and compartmentalizing, and will never lead to the wholeness and well-being of either the individual or the organization.

Some questions for self-reflection:

  • Are any of the following topics found in your management training manuals: loving people, being compassionate, spirituality, tolerance, selfless giving, forgiving, self-nurturing, contributing to the community, giving meaning to people’s lives and purpose?
  • Do fear, scarcity, suspicion and survival overtly or covertly drive many of the relationships and interactions in your workplace?
  • Do you experience any of these soul qualities in yourself or others as you move through your workday: passion, understanding, honesty, integrity, sincerity, kindness, compassion, empathy, humility, dignity, respect, love? If so, when, with whom?
  • Do leaders or managers (and you) ever ask these (and some of Greenleaf’s) questions: Who are we? Why do we exist? What is our defining character? What is our vision? How do we express our vision in products or service? Who is our customer? How do we market and sell our products and services most effectively? How do we exceed our customer’s expectations? What supports our most productive system of operation? How do we care for our people? How do we integrate humanistic principles and practices with sound business functioning? How do we treat others with respect, dignity and love? How can we preserve the dignity, health and well-being of all employees? How can we demonstrate we believe everything that exists is interdependent and interconnected – nature, animals and humans? How do we adapt to new workplace demands? How do we manifest institutional moral responsibility? How can we shift from competition to cooperation? How can our values reflect responsibility for society and the environment?

—————————————————–
(c) 2016, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful. Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.

What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that “thing” is…maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”

I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.

I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com

You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TrueNorthPartnering

Fear of Closing Doors

02 Tuesday Aug 2016

Posted by pvajda2013 in Personal Development, Personal Effectiveness, Relationships

≈ Leave a comment

doors

 

Speaker page,  Facebook Page, Becoming a Better You book page
 
In a time when stress is adversely coursing through, and ruining the quality of, so many people’s lives, why are folks reluctant to slow down and stop living life at 90 miles an hour, or unwilling to make healthy choices for the sake of their own mental, physical, emotional, spiritual and psychological well-be-ing?  Why is lifestyle change such a threat, such an overwhelming and fearful challenge?

Rather than cutting back, or narrowing down choices in the face of overwhelming stress, juggling options seems to be the day-to-day self-management tactic that has so many feeling trapped, exhausted, overwhelmed, depleted, fearful, and over-medicated (chemical and non-chemical) at work, at home and at play. Yet, they trudge on.

Options
Why do such folks always need to keep their “options open” and consider everything and everyone – as one client said to me recently about an event he was considering –  “a definite possibility?” A definite possibility!? Hmmm. What’s that!

Why are life and lifestyle choices so painful? Why does every door have to remain open? Why does one need to consider every option?

Whether it’s an attachment or add-on (they’ll never use) for a new digital camera, or a continued relationship with an individual with whom they have nothing in common, or staying connected to FaceBook or other social media outlet or online group to which they haven’t contributed in years, or an event to which they have season tickets and never attend, there’s a story that keeps them feeling attached, belonging – not allowing themselves to disconnect or detach. Loss feels overwhelming to these folks. Their move into a story to justify their feeling of loss.

It’s exhausting
Exhausted and overwhelmed by daily decisions about where to go out to eat every night, who to socialize with, exhausted by the myriad activities that are depleting one’s own, or one’s family’s, physical and emotional energy, for example, folks cannot or will not choose to step back and see the self-destructive results that come from their obsessive need to “keep on keeping on,” or from “keeping all the doors open.”

So, what is this attachment folks have to keeping all the doors open? What’s really, really underneath needing to have every option a possibility?

Missing out
For many, when options go away, when doors close, they experience a certain sense of loss, of “missing out.” This experience is deep, visceral (they feel it in their gut), and frightening. So, in order to feel they “belong,” to feel connected, to feel they’re not missing out on life, and to maintain a much-needed sense of security and control, they make up stories about why they need to “keep all my options open,” and refuse to let go.

Underneath? The fear
For many folks, their attachment to unlimited options, to unlimited choices, unlimited activities – even when they are overwhelmed and exhausted by the limitlessness of it all – they are driven by the fear of what might happen if they eliminate just one option or close just one door. For them, this fear is infinitely greater than the distress, anxiety, overwhelm and exhaustion they experience from keeping all the doors open.

Emotionally and psychologically, many folks would prefer to die slowly from their stressors than face the emotional loss of opting out or closing a door. It’s the devil they know vs. the devil they don’t. Fear of the unknown is too painful.

The downside
So, folks work more hours, longer days, take on more and more tasks and responsibilities, spend an inordinate amount of time in constant contact, or texting, or on the Internet, or on their electronic leashes. They drain their time and energy in social networking and in communities of practice, and on blogs, and go out eight nights a week, and spend inordinately on “stuff” – just to have all the options, bells and whistles. They stay connected with toxic people who deplete their energy, and agonize obsessively over career and work changes and opportunities (the “everything is possible” self-destructive syndrome), so they can “keep all my options open.” They “narrow down” choices of places to eat, or move, or visit to twenty-five!, and on and on. Why? So they can keep all the doors open, feel engaged and feel they are in control.

So, there it is – overworking, overbooking, over-engaging, over-spending, over-socializing, over-exercising, over-committing, over-doing, in a word – over-obsessing – for fear of giving up an option, or closing a door.  Stressful and debilitating.  It doesn’t have to be. And, that’s worth thinking about.

Some questions for self-refection: 

  • Is it painful for me to give up options? If so, why is it so painful?
  • Do I take  an “everything is possible” approach to life to the extent that I am mentally, emotionally and physically or spiritually exhausted with choosing among possibilities?
  • What would happen if I (my spouse/partner, child) closed one door, or eliminated one option to a life or work choice I am considering today, this week, this month or this year? How does that thought make me feel in my gut?
  • When considering options, do I take an “everything is a definite possibility” approach? What does that approach get me?
  • Am I in relationships that are draining or toxic? Why do I choose to stay?
  • At work, do I take on more and more tasks and responsibilities to the extent they are affecting my health?
    Do I (honestly) engage in blogging and social networking to stay connected and feel I “belong?” How would I feel if I stopped, or cut back?
  • Is social networking or blogging detracting me from other work, life and family responsibilities? What does social networking get me?
  • How do I feel about being alone? Do I feel comfortable and secure in my own skin? Am I OK being in silence?
  • Growing up, was I surrounded by a sense of abundance or lack?
  • Do I need to have “all the information” before making important life or work choices? How do I feel when I don’t have all the information?
  • Is decision making at work, at home or at play generally an “OK” or stressful experience for me?
  • Is my outlook on life generally happy, pleasant, or anxious or fearful?
  • Do I always need to be “doing something?”

    —————————————————–
    (c) 2016, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.

    I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful.  Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.

    What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that “thing” is…maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”

    I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.

    I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com

    You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda.

    Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TrueNorthPartnering

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