The Clover Practice™

 

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The Clover Practice™ is described in the book Staying Healthy in Sick Organizations: The Clover Practice™. This practice is a means for achieving less stress and more peace of mind in the workplace. Three principles make up The Clover Practice™: tell the truth; always speak for yourself; and declare your interdependence (read carefully; not independence). The author claims workplaces tend to be fundamentally unhealthy because of obsolete organizing principles of hierarchy and patriarchy and command and control systems, the fact that too many managers and supervisors are not prepared to manage or supervise others, and the willingness to maintain organizational illusions.A practice is something you do every day regardless of the circumstances.

Let’s look at the three principles:

Tell the Truth, Always

If peace of mind and reduced stress is our intention, we have to tell the truth even when it’s  uncomfortable, or inconvenient or we don’t look good. White lies and unethically cutting corners compromise our integrity and the degree to which others trust us. This doesn’t mean we “tell our truth” to everyone who comes along. But it does mean that “my truth” is just that. It’s my opinion, not universal Truth.

Speak for Yourself

Speaking to others about how things look from your perspective, history, memory and experience is a more productive and healthier way to be heard than telling people they are careless, uncooperative, lazy, incompetent, and unprofessional, etc. If you’re clear you’re speaking from your own observations and are open to and are able and willing to hear others’ views, you are more apt to be heard.

Declare your interdependence

No one succeeds alone – no one – even if they think they do. If you truly believed you need others in your organization – regardless of title, position, salary, etc. – to succeed, what would you do differently? You might be more inclined to interact and communicate with, and be openly grateful for, others up and down your organization.

Organizations are living organisms. It’s often a challenge to consciously view, or understand, how what you do (say, feel…) affects others – on many levels. When you understand these connections (and consequences) more clearly, you might choose to “do” and “be” differently – which produces greater harmony and collaboration than dis-harmony, competition and conflict.

9:00 Monday morning

Tell the Truth, Always
As a leader, manager, supervisor or employee, do you create a space or container where others feel safe and secure when speaking openly and honestly to/with you? Do you listen and hear? Do you seek clarification and understanding by probing and always digging deeper for clarity? Do you focus on the information, not the personality?

Speak for Yourself

Speaking for yourself means you discuss your experience – the who, what, where, when, why and how. You stay away from using “you,” “we,” “them,” “they,” “everyone” and the like. Literally, you speak for your self. And no one else. Your perspective. Your observation. Without  judgment. Without criticism.

Declare Your Interdependence

Where, when and how do your see yourself as part of a larger whole? As a cell in the larger body of your organization? With whom do you interact – directly or indirectly – inside and outside the physical (or digital) walls of your organization? How do you support others and how do they support you to create results, reach goals, problem solve, resolve conflict and achieve?

You might work in a “smart” organization. However, this practice can and will support you and your colleagues – from the mail room to the 52^nd floor – create a culture of safety and security, honesty and integrity, and inclusion and respect – all qualities of a “healthy” organization.

Some questions for self-reflection:

• Of the three clovers, which is the easiest for you? Which is the most challenging? How so?
• When are you most comfortable telling the truth? Least comfortable? How so?
• How are you when it comes to speaking for yourself? Do you tend to use “we,” “everyone” and the like (rather than “I”)?
• Do you experience interconnectedness at work (or elsewhere in your world)? How so?
• What is your comfort level when working with/on a team? How so?

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(c) 2016, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful.  Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.

What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that “thing” is …maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”

I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.

I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com

You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TrueNorthPartnering

Compared to Whom?

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Many folks are “making a living” yet lack a sense of “purpose” or “meaning” in what they do. Rather than explore the nature of their dissatisfaction by reflecting on the deeper reasons for their frustration, they prefer to find fault with externals: the education and training programs, the health and pension programs (albeit, today often quite justifiable), management, workplace environmental conditions, etc. They’re driving themselves to their own spiritual, mental, emotional, psychological and physical poorhouse in new expensive, automobiles, eating at smart restaurants, watching plasma TVs, absorbed in the latest, greatest “gadget” – all the while bemoaning the reality of increased stress, overwork, overwhelm, and an environment polluted by industry. They allow themselves to be devoured by the corporation and spend relentless amounts of energy and time scratching and clawing their way up the corporate ladder to achieve corporate success, to be “somebody.”

Unhealthy sacrifice
On the way, they set aside their dreams (once, real dreams) and tailor their lives and personalities to what the market demands. They practice the arts of “power dressing,” power lunching, having or creating “winning personalities,” all the while steeped in a state of emptiness, leading to unhappiness and dissatisfaction. In order to be “somebody,” they burn out without ever having been on fire.

The nature of dissatisfaction
What is it about work that leads so many to be dissatisfied?

A special issue of Time Magazine (1/17/2005) featured an article about what is known as “reference anxiety” ­ “keeping up with the Joneses” ­ constantly comparing one’s self and one’s “stuff” with someone else’s. Much of this takes place in (but is not restricted to) work environments and is characteristic of many of today’s workplace cultures.

This “reference anxiety” syndrome even accounts for the gap in income distribution. The Time article states:

“Paradoxically, it is the very increase in money . . . that triggers dissatisfaction [. . .] clinical depression is 3 to 10 times as common today than two generations ago . . . money jangles in our wallets and purses, but we are no happier for it, and for many, more money leads to depression. [. . .] millions of us spend more time and energy pursuing the things money can buy than engaging in activities that create real fulfillment in life . . . ”

Perhaps the dissatisfaction element lies on a much deeper level of the psyche: it’s about the inner person, not about the externals.

In other words, it’s not the work that’s at cause when it comes to worker dissatisfaction.

Connection
It’s curious that of the thousands of business books that are published each year, there’s hardly one chapter devoted to friendship in the workplace (real and true friendship, not the “good-old-boys, back-slapping stuff,” that is a faux substitute. (And a bit of information: did you know that when two folks come together and pat each other on the back, it’s because they cannot connect emotionally? When two folks honestly and sincerely connect, from their deeper self, from their heart, from a place of true love and connection, they hug and hold one another…they don’t pat one another’s back. Patting is a “faux” form of connection.).

Relationships rule the world, even the world of work. Finding meaning rules one’s deeper sense of happiness, fulfillment, and well-being, even in the world of work. It’s relationships, first with yourself, then with others, that must be examined to explore the true and real root causes of employee dissatisfaction.

The spirit of an organization begins and ends with the spirit of each individual. When we come to life with the right values, we are grounded on a foundation of truth, honesty, sincerity, and self-responsibility, and from this place, dissatisfaction can more easily morph into satisfaction.

So, really, really, why is worker satisfaction falling?

Perhaps it starts with “me,” not with “it,” “him/her” or “them.”

Some questions for self-reflection:
Am I constantly comparing myself to others and feeling I’m coming up short? How so?
Do I feel like a victim of life/work much of the time? Why?
Do I have true and real friendships at work?
Could I be contributing to my own dissatisfaction at work? If so, how? Honestly.
Do I have an expectation that my company or manager is responsible for my happiness at work?
What is it about work that excites me? If nothing or, “not much,” then why do I choose to remain there? How might I proactively turn this around?
What personal and professional goals have I set for myself at work If I don’t have any, could that contribute to my unhappiness?
Do I find meaning in my work? If not, why not?
Do I shop incessantly, max out my credit cards on stuff, and still feel empty and unhappy? Why?
What lessons did I learn about myself at work last year? I did learn some lessons, didn’t I? How can I leverage these lessons to increase my satisfaction at work this year?
What mutually-supportive relationships and true friendships do I want to cultivate at work?
What self-defeating habits do I want to eliminate?
Are there toxic people in my life at work (or at home) who contribute to my unhappiness?
Who can I serve, support, coach or mentor that will bring me satisfaction or increase my happiness at work?
How have I grown at work during the past year? I have grown in some positive way, haven’t I? If not, why not?
What one or two baby steps can I take this week or this month that can increase my satisfaction at work?
What did I learn about satisfaction and the world of work when I was growing up? How so?
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(c) 2016, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful.  Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.

What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that “thing” is…maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”

I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.

I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, http://www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com

You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TrueNorthPartnering

So You Think You Can…Lead?

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“Life is like dancing. If we have a big floor, many people will dance. Some will get angry when the rhythm changes. But life is changing all the time.” – Don Miguel Ruiz

Not too long ago I was watching the TV show, “So you think you can dance,” a show where contestants vie to become the winner in what is a weekly “dance-off” competition. The contestants dance solo and in pairs depending on the night’s agenda. They’re very good.

The Emotional Connection
So, on that night, one of the judges was discussing one contestant’s relationship to his partner in a hip-hop routine where an “emotional, contentious dynamic” between the pair was built into the storyline of their dance.

When the couple completed their routine, the male of the pair maintained a scowl, a macho “I-have-control-over-you!” non-verbal persona as he and his partner walked forward to center stage to receive the judges’ feedback. As he approached, his scowl melted. He and his partner embraced and one could feel the energy of their connecting.

When it was time to respond to the male, one of the judges remarked, and I’m paraphrasing, “You have all the technical skills that make you an excellent dancer in just about any type of dance genre you engage. What you need to do is not lose sight of the emotional connection to your partner. And it’s your emotional connection, not your technical expertise, that determines the energy of your relationship, the deeper connection between you and your partner and provides the chemistry that makes the dance ‘work.’ And you have that emotional connection in spades; it’s very apparent, and that’s why you’re sensational.”

Hmmm, I thought, can’t that same description apply to what makes for a successful, even sensational leader?

“The journey between what you once were and who you are now becoming is where the dance of life really takes place.” – Barbara De Angelis

Dancing With Your Employees
In today’s face-paced, challenging, often-ambiguous and uncertain economic climate, where stress is rampant and anxiety and fear seem to be the emotions of choice driving many leaders’ behaviors, more and more leaders seem to be losing touch with their employees, fostering a climate where poor morale, dis-engagement, absenteeism, presenteeism, stress, overt or silent anger and resentment abound. Why? Many leaders (and managers!) are severing their emotional ties to their workforce, assuming they had any emotional ties to begin with. They’re leading their employees and if they are “dancing” with their employees, it’s all technical and tactical there’s no emotional connection.

Competencies, skills, talent, intellect, technical knowledge, expertise and drive define many of today’s leaders. But, that’s not enough.

Technology is not Sufficient
What’s happening in the face of challenging times is a rush to put into place the technically efficient leader, the “numbers guy,” the “turnaround artist,” the “visionary,” etc., and in the process many organizations are experiencing the fallout from leaders who are technically savvy but who are clueless when it comes to “people” skills, who lack the emotional maturity and competence to truly lead.

These leaders, many of who are young and ambitious, lack a “whole-life” experience and are stunted in their adult, emotional development. These leaders are “leading,” perhaps, but they are at risk, as are their organizations, their departments and their teams. As technicians, these leaders are more focused on their own self in the dance, their part, their personal achievement and recognition. In essence, the dance, for them, is a “solo.”

The downside of the emotional disconnection is: unconsciously or consciously, they tend to push their “partner” away -generating internal conflict and competition when there could (should?) be compromise, collaboration and cooperation. They reject and repel their colleagues, their peers, their direct reports, even those who are as, or more, skilled and whose partnership they need in order to succeed.

With a focus on the technical – e.g., the bottom line, the strategic plan and the like – they effort and struggle, lacking greater self-awareness and emotional maturity. Eventually, when they come center stage for feedback, they are asked to leave the stage. They thought they could lead; technically they could, but it wasn’t enough.

“The fight is won or lost far away from witnesses – behind the lines, in the gym, and out there on the road, long before I dance under those lights.”  Muhammad Ali

The Antidote to “Technology-Only”
For those leaders who are in the spotlight, or wish to be, here are some suggestions that can enhance your dance and have your judges asking for an encore:

Take the time to learn to lead “people.” Technical skills are not enough. Use the support of a qualified coach or mentor who can support you to understand the tasks AND the personal aspects of workplace relationships.

Learn to take risks, and experience failure as an opportunity through which self-reflection becomes a stepping stone to emotional learning and self-development.

Consciously and self-responsibly explore any tenuous relationships you have with others and search for root-cause issues that foster such relationships. Ask for a qualified coach to support you in your exploration.

Check your ego at the door and work to eliminate behaviors that are characterized as arrogant, bullying, aloof, or emotionally or verbally abusive. Again, seek the support of a coach or trusted friend or colleague who can help you in this endeavor.

Learn how to connect emotionally, authentically, as a human being, not just “officially” in a business context. To be professional and effective in these changing times requires a “greater humanity” – that is the capacity to conduct business with an open, compassionate and intelligent heart.

Some questions for self-reflection:

• When it comes to “dancing” at work, do you always feel the need to lead? What would it be like to follow?
• Do you always need to be center stage, in the limelight? If so, why?
• Would you describe yourself as emotionally mature? How do you know? What would your colleagues, friends, or family say? Would you ask them?
• Do you tend to be “officious,” “all-business” or aloof in your relationships at work? What about at home or with others?
• Do you have a need to be “right?” Would you generally prefer to be right than be happy? Do you ever gang up on or bully others? If so, why?
• Would you consider yourself “well-rounded?” Would others agree with you?
• Do you consider your boss(es) to be emotionally mature? Why, or why not?
• Did you learn about emotional maturity as you were growing up? How so? Was it a pleasant or painful experience?
• Can you envision a world where emotional maturity is a common attribute for most people?

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(c) 2016, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful.  Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.

What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that “thing” is…maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”

I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.

I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com

You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TrueNorthPartnering