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Monthly Archives: March 2020

Where Do You Find Your Gold and Diamonds?

26 Thursday Mar 2020

Posted by pvajda2013 in Change, Personal Development, Personal Effectiveness, Relationships

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prospecting

 

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Just launched – three exciting new products

“Only by much searching and mining are gold and diamonds obtained, and a person can find every truth connected with his being, if he will dig deep into the mine of his soul.”  – As A Man Thinketh

The classic book Acres of Diamonds is the story of a person who sold his home and land to travel far and wide in search of diamonds, only to die penniless. As the story goes, the new owner discovered diamonds on the very property that the old owner had ignored.

Looking outside
I’m often curious when I come across folks who act in similar ways whenever they try to “fix” something in their lives – at work, at home, at play or in their relationship. Whether it’s happiness, peace of mind, or a greater sense of self-worth, self-esteem or love they seek, they seem to spend an enormous amount of time and energy looking “outside” themselves to search for the answers, the “fix.”

The void
They look to their spouse or partner, their friends (both “people” friends and “object “friends such as a new, expensive car, boat, clothes, food, alcohol, sugar, the latest plasma TV, gambling, the country club membership, etc.), children, or parents to fill the “hole,” the void, i.e., their inner sense of deficiency.  They become workaholics or obsessed with exercise, or shopping, or “going out,” for example, always expecting and hoping the answer will, poof!, come from their pursuit of their occupation or other “outside” interests. Sadly, nothing “outside” ever satisfies their “hunger,” in the long term.

Like the poor farmer in Acres of Diamonds, their search comes up empty-handed and they continue to sleep-walk through life with a sense of emptiness, with a low-grade-fever type of subtle agitation that courses through their bodies, continually feeling frustrated, angry, sad, empty, joyless, resentful and isolated from life, and from themselves. And just like the story, diamonds are waiting to be discovered right in their own back yard. The reality is that the only way to find the gold and diamonds is, as James Allen says, to “dig deep into the mine of the soul.” To go “inside” and stay there for a time; in one’s own company

One of my favorite authors, Jim Rohn, says, “The greatest source of unhappiness comes from inside.” Conversely, that’s also where the greatest (and only) source of happiness comes from.

Instead of searching far and wide, perhaps spend some time every day exploring inside. Instead of expecting something outside to fill you up, learn to fill yourself from within. Make a commitment to read more of the material that will help you discover who you are. Make a decision to grow your self over and above your role and position. As Jim Rohn also says, “What you become directly influences what you get.”

Some questions for self-reflection:

  • Do you take time out to explore yours self, your life on a consistent basis? How so?
  • Do you take time for meditation, reflection, contemplation, journaling, walking in nature?
  • How would you characterize the “gold” in your life? The “diamonds?”
  • Do you find your self constantly looking for happiness “out there?”  How so?
  • Do you read for self-improvement, self-growth and self-development outside of your “business- or profession-related” readings?
  • Do you ever feel empty inside, lacking in some way, deficient in well-be-ing and inner peace?
  • Are you comfortable being alone in your own company for extended periods of time?
  • Do you find silence to be soothing or deafening? How so?
  • Do you really, really, really know yourself? How does that question make you feel?
  • Are you resistant when it comes to exploring and discovering who you are “inside”?  If so, why?
  • Growing up, did you, your parents or primary caregivers ever take time out for self-reflection?

—————————————————–
(c) 2020, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful. Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.

What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that thing is…maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”

I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.

I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com
You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TrueNorthPartnering

Passion and Purpose at Work…and Beyond

19 Thursday Mar 2020

Posted by pvajda2013 in Change, Personal Development, Personal Effectiveness, Relationships

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compass

Speaker page,  Facebook Page, Becoming a Better You book page

Just launched – three exciting new products


Passion and purpose are ongoing topics of interest when discussing the workplace. A Google search on “passion at work” results in 925,000,000 links; “purpose at work – 2,450,000,000. Moreover, there seems to be some evidence that many confuse the two – “confusing passion and purpose at work” – 80,300,000. So, what is the difference between passion and purpose – and, how are the two inextricably intertwined?

Merriam Webster defines purpose as “something set up as an object or end to be attained, an intention or resolution.” Dictionary.com – as, “the reason for which something exists or is done, made, used, etc.” Other definitions point to a (or one’s) “calling,” or “life’s work.” My definition of purpose is the answer to the question: “Why am I on the planet?”

Merriam-Webster defines passion as “… intense, driving or overmastering feeling or conviction,” “an ardent affection; a strong desire or liking, or devotion, to some activity, object, or concept.” Dictionary.com defines passion as, “a powerful or compelling emotion or feeling; a strong enthusiasm for anything…” My definition of passion is “energy” – an emotional, physical, mental, psychological and spiritual quality – that drives or supports one to focus one’s time, energy and effort to transform purpose from a mental or intellectual concept, dream, or intention (which is but a small molecule in the brain) to manifest as a real, tangible, observable and measurable set of have-ings, be-ings and do-ings at “9:00 Monday morning.”

Purpose without passion often results in “less-than” type results, non-sustainability, feeling unfulfilled, experiencing an emotional numbness, lethargy, burnout, or resulting in a spark that dies out before it ever begins to burn, procrastination, continued self-doubt, aimlessness…

Passion without purpose is like “being all dressed up with no place to go.” A sometimes misguided, sometimes selfish, continual focus the “what” rather than the “why.” (When I  first transitioned into the coaching profession around 2000, I used to say Tony Robbins was my marketing manager. Why? Because, in those days, his seminars were more about motivation and passion than they were about purpose. Folks would attend his seminars and retreats, get hopped up on the “elixir”and passion they experienced, return home full of excitement and passion and, at 9 o’clock Monday morning open the front door, and ask themselves, “Now what?”)  Passion without purpose.

So, passion is energy. Sometimes this passion is purposeful, sometimes not. This energy can support us, push us to look for ways to continually improve what we do and how we do it, and who we are (passion defines our personality, but it does not give us an identity. Purpose does.)

Sometimes passion can be limiting and self-destructive.

For example, some passionate folks love to dress up and go to sporting events to engage in harassment, uncivil and disrespectful behavior – all in the name of being “passionate” about their team. Others can be dismissive, critical, judgmental of, or abusive to, others, all in the guise of being “passionate” about something that the “other” is not, or lacks. Early on in my career, I had a position managing a 14-person team. One of the team members was a seasoned, experienced individual who really knew their stuff. A real expert, they were insufferable at team meetings. When other members of the team were presenting their work to the team, this person would not hold back in the way they would be judgmental, critical, demeaning and downright disrespectful to their colleagues. After our first couple of meetings, I called this person on their behavior and their defense was, (paraphrasing) “I’m really passionate about this work. I just can’t understand how others can be so incompetent, stupid and the like.” Passion, misdirected.

Co-workers can, and do, often unfairly judge others, bully others, gossip about others and be rude, demeaning and disrespectful about their co-workers’ lack of skills and talents, for example, all because they’re so passionate about what they do (as in, a passionate rebuke such as, “So why do you have to be so stupid! Why can’t you get it!” Passion, misdirected.

Passion is never – ever- an excuse for disrespect.

And just as some folks feel their passion allows them to be disrespectful, others channel it towards self-destruction, e.g., coming home at night and binging on alcohol, food or drugs.

So, passion is energy. The important question is, toward what end is one’s passion directed?

Is your passion positive? Is it supportive of yourself and others? Or, is it negative, self-destructive and harmful? Just because you’re passionate doesn’t automatically make you humble, emotionally intelligent, good at relationships, honest, skilled or talented. Passion is just energy.

Purpose completes the passion equation. Purpose is the magic ingredient that gives passion a raison d’etre. It’s the foundation of passion. Without purpose as an anchor, passion has no inner or outer guidance system. Without a purpose, life will often be disorienting, out-of-sync, hum-drum and unhappy.

In my years working as a coach, I’ve always been curious about folks who run into a mid-life crisis at 30 after spending enormous amounts of time, effort, energy and funds studying something like law, medicine, IT, finance or management or myriad other professions or careers. It amazes me how quickly they have ended up literally hating what they’re doing. Even working at something they felt “passionate” about at the outset.

In some of these cases, folks choose to enter a particular profession or career area because they were directed that way by career coaches, consultants or family members who suggested that their talents or interests lay in that direction, skill or talent.

But what these career folks, parents, relatives, even good friends almost never measure is heart. Heart is the focal point of purpose. Not the mind. Not logic. Not what’s sexy. Not what “The Futurist” says one should do and especially, not “Hey, you’re really good at (blank), so why don’t you pursue (blank)”?

Some never get it. Purpose is not a career, job or even a talent. But, purpose can be manifested in a particular career or job or by making use of a particular talent or area of expertise. The difference is the energy (passion) that an individual brings to that endeavor and whether their actions and work are “purposeful.”

I often use the following example in my change work and when I speak to varied professional associations (e.g., HR, Social Work, IT or QA professionals, CPAs, Occupational Therapists, Emergency Management folks, Educators, Counselors, Realtors, Marketers, Professional Organizer,…)

There are two of you in this room who both do the same work, in the same way, using the same content and professional expertise with the same type of client or customer.

One of you absolutely loves what you do and looks forward to going to work every day. The other can’t stand to get up in the morning. What’s the difference? Passion and purpose. The former is driven by a heartfelt desire to live “on purpose” and feeds off the energy of passion to move through their day, to serve others and sees the deeper meaning, value and worth of what they do in serving and supporting others.

The latter, lacking a sense of purpose (even if they have passion) often lacks the heart, inner-driven desire to support and serve others, to be selfless, or experiences any deep-seated meaning and joy from what they do.

The former views challenges barriers, obstacles and problems as opportunities. They’re not upset with failure or overly sensitive and emotionally reactive to criticism from others. Purpose is what supports them to muster the energy of challenges and push forward, striving to do, be and have the best they can do, be and have. They seldom or never “struggle.” They experience a certain fulfillment and joyfulness in their work.
The difference between strive and struggle

The latter, see problems and challenges as never-ending struggles. Absent purpose, they don’t experience the deeper, energetic drive, curiosity, and challenge to excel, to be better, to do better. They live a Sisyphean life of struggle, dwelling on the negative.

For the former, regardless how challenging a day might be, they continually experience a sense of gratitude, fulfillment, reward and purposefulness from their days’ work. For them, they may be exhausted, but it’s a healthy sense of exhaustion, a fatigue or tiredness that comes with a job well done rather than an exhaustion that comes from “fighting the good fight.” Purposeful folks persevere.

For the latter, having no sense of purpose or purpose-related passion, they often find their work irritating, boring or uninteresting. They often find their clients or customers irritating or bothersome, unable or unwilling to interact with them from a place of servitude, or compassion or understanding, caring and concern. Rather than persevere, they can tend to be more focused on, “How much time before I go home?” type of perspective.

The purposeful are engaged in their work. Have their heart in it; the other muddles through with an “ugh!” at every turn.

Purpose is the anchor, the beacon, the direction, the work, career and life compass that guides us to make choices and decisions that are life-affirming and keep our lives moving forward. Without such a guide, many people hit a dead end at 30 (then 40, then 50), constantly wondering “Is this all there is?” Or worse, “I have all this talent, and I don’t understand why I’m not happy.” One of the reasons so-called “talented” folks leave their jobs. It’s not that they lack skills. It’s often the case of “my heart just isn’t in it anymore.”

When everything is ego-driven, meaning is most often trumped by unhappiness, agitation and constant negative judgments and invidious comparisons of others while always feeling to some degree, lacking, deficient, and disconnected.

And from what do such folks feel disconnected? Their heart, their purpose, their true and real self, their essence.

The heart is what drives purpose, not the mind or the ego. When someone has their heart in their work, meaning abounds; they are – and feel – purposeful in their work. Purpose answers the questions, “why am I on the planet?” And “why am I doing what I’m doing.”

The ego mind, logic, assessments (which don’t assess “heart”), “thinking,” “figuring it out” and and a host of others’ suggestions and direction cannot answer these questions.

Some questions for self-reflection:

  • How do you characterize your relationship to your work?
  • How did you arrive at doing the work you are doing?
  • Do you feel purposeful in your work? Do you feel “coerced” to work or “called” to work?
  • Do you feel passionate about your work? What motivates you to go to work? How so?
  • Do you feel completely engaged at work?
  • Why are you on the planet? What is your purpose in life?
  • What is the legacy you’d like to leave behind?
  • What will others say about you when you’re gone…about you as a professional, a spouse, a partner, a parent, a friend…?
  • What are three things you’re passionate about? How you do express this passion?
  • Are you following your life’s purpose? How do you know?
  • If you really, really dislike your work, what story do you tell yourself to justify your doing it?
  • Did you ever discuss purpose with your family, or others, when you were growing up?
  • How did your parents, our primary caregivers, describe their work when you were growing up? Would you say they felt passionate or purposeful about what they were doing?  How so?

—————————————————–
(c) 2020, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful. Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.

What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that “thing” is…maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”

I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.

I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com

You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TrueNorthPartnering

Consciousness and Unconsciousness

11 Wednesday Mar 2020

Posted by pvajda2013 in Change, Personal Development, Personal Effectiveness, Relationships

≈ Leave a comment

banquet

 

Speaker page,  Facebook Page, Becoming a Better You book page

Just launched – three exciting new products

In 2008, the G8 Summit was held in Japan. One event, in particular, caught my attention. It was a six-course lunch followed by an eight-course dinner where the agenda was – hang on to your hat, and take a deep breath –  famine and the global food crisis.

First, some details

  • Participants were served 24 different dishes during their first day at the summit just hours after urging the world to reduce the “unnecessary demand” for food and calling on families to cut back on their wasteful use of food.
  • The dinner consisted of 18 dishes in eight courses including caviar, smoked salmon, Kyoto beef and a “G8 fantasy dessert.”
  • The banquet was accompanied by five different wines from around the world including champagne.
  • African leaders including the heads of Ethiopia, Tanzania and Senegal who had taken part in talks during the day were not invited to the function.
  • The dinner came just hours after a “working lunch” consisting of six courses.

For me, this lunch/dinner misstep is a metaphor for the unconscious, hypocritical and insensitive behavior many leaders and managers manifest when they espouse values that purportedly support the well-be-ing of their organizations, (in this case, the “world” is the participants’ “organization”), and then engage in the excesses and antithetical behavior that undermine their integrity, trustworthiness, respectability and credibility.

Betrayal and untrustworthy behavior on the part of leaders and managers appear regularly in the corporate world – betrayal in the sense, for example, that leaders and managers paint a rosy picture of the future and then show thousands of workers to the door, and then pile the work on the remaining individuals to take up the slack, or, in the sense that leaders and managers urge employees to take care of their health and then denigrate them for using the gym on “company time” while urging them to work 70-hour weeks, including weekends, or, in the sense that leaders and managers can drive their organizations into the ground financially and walk away with huge bonuses and severance packages for doing so, while employees walk away with nothing – just a few examples of daily betrayal that creates mistrust in the workplace.

The egregiousness of the behavior of the G8 participants, leaders and managers in their own right, with their excessive spending and lavish consumption, points to the difference between consciousness and unconsciousness when it comes to living life by taking the high road, to living life by following one’s inner moral compass and to  living life from a place of serving others.

In a past food-for-thought piece, I offered the notion of four levels of consciousness:

Not conscious – instinctual, follower
Subconscious – habitual, robotic, reactive
Conscious – aware, intelligent, conceptual, reflective
Superconscious – intuitive, guiding, truthful, loving, universal

The behavior of the G8 folks, for me, is one of simply being unconscious – allowing one’s lower-level, ego-driven, base, instinctual, selfish and blind desires to drive – completely unaware of the consequences and the impact on “larger good” of the community, of humanity.

It’s not about arrogance. It’s not about greed. It’s not about politics. It’s not about contempt for others.

It’s about intelligence – being conscious! Awake! Aware! It’s about the fact that no one – NO ONE – said, “Wait a minute! What are we doing here! Something doesn’t feel right to me!” No one! That’s unconsciousness. That’s being disconnected from our True and Real Self. Unconscious.

Consciousness is about spiritual (not theological, not religious) intelligence, about the fundamental principles that govern the behaviors of our leaders. It’s about honesty, sincerity, self-responsibility and self-awareness. It’s about living one’s core values – assuming one has core values, and has thought “consciously” about how they live their core values at 9:00 Monday morning. It’s about integrity. It’s about walking the talk. It’s about being a business person and human being at the same time. It’s about taking the high road.

Consciousness is about viewing my life, right here and right now, from the 25,000-foot level and asking, “What am I doing right here, right now?” “Who am I being, right here, right now?” “Am I acting in alignment with my core values?” “Is there harmony between what I think, say, feel and do, and if not, why not, and how can I create that harmony for myself and for the good of the order?” “What am I thinking about and what do I think about what I’m thinking about?” “Am I ‘going along to get along’ even though I know it’s inappropriate?”

Consciousness is simply about being decent right where I am. That’s who successful and truly respected leaders and managers are. It’s simply about having and showing character, and working for the highest good of all concerned right where I am. That’s what successful and truly respected leaders and managers do.

Consciousness is about showing up, authentically, in integrity, and acting to make the workplace, and the world, a better place – for everyone – right here and right now, even if it’s uncomfortable and inconvenient. Pure and simple.

Some questions for self-reflection: 

  • How aligned am I with my core values? How so?
  • When my colleagues, bosses, direct reports, clients, friends, and family observe my behavior, do they consistently observe me “walking my values talk?”
  • Do I ever act in a way that others might perceive as arrogant, haughty, egotistical or greedy? If so, do I care? If not, why not?
  • Do I show concern for my fellow man (generic) at work, at home, at play, when I comment on the world at large, and when I’m out and about?
  • At what level of consciousness do I live my life most of the time?
  • Have I ever spoken up when I felt I needed to tug on someone’s sleeve about their inappropriate behavior?
  • Do I gloss over unethical or immoral workplace behavior as the “cost of doing business?”
  • Do I exhibit the change I’d like to see everyone else exhibit?
  • Have I ever betrayed another person? Have I ever been betrayed? How did I feel in either or both event(s)?

—————————————————–
(c) 2020, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful. Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.

What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that “thing” is…maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”

I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.

I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com

You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TrueNorthPartnering

What’s Stopping You From Healing?

05 Thursday Mar 2020

Posted by pvajda2013 in Uncategorized

≈ 2 Comments

buttterfly

Speaker page,  Facebook Page, Becoming a Better You book page

Just launched – three exciting new products

Many folks claim they want to heal. However, what they actually seek is less pain and suffering. This is an important distinction.

The “fix”
Many folks hunger for a magic bullet to alleviate their discomfort, the frustration they experience at work, at home, even at play, and, of course, in their relationships. They search for the quick fix: a chemical remedy through a prescription or over-the-counter medicine or a non-chemical-(usually) socially-acceptable remedy as in food, alcohol, television, sex, or surgery or son-surgical procedure.  All of this is done to mask their discomfort and treat their symptoms. Pop the pill. Eat the food. Take the drink. Have sex. Experience the procedure. The discomfort disappears. They may move back to some sense of normalcy, but certainly not towards healing. How so?

Healing can be scary
True healing can be scary and threatening. Why?

True healing requires more than feeling normal again. True healing requires us to ask (and answer!):

1. In what ways do I contribute to my own discomfort? How am I responsible for the situation (mental, emotional, spiritual, psychological, social, financial, health, etc.) in which I find myself?
2. Which of my thoughts, beliefs, preconceptions, values, expectations, assumptions, “stories,” choices and actions are responsible for the imbalance, dis-harmony and unhappiness I’m experiencing in my life at work, at home at play or in my relationships?
3. Am I  willing to make the necessary life changes, including taking action to reduce and eliminate my sense of imbalance, dis-harmony and unhappiness?

Simple, right? But, not easy, which is why many folks often think, or obsess, about change but rarely take positive and sustaining action to effect true and real change at 9:00 Monday morning. As one coaching client told me early on in their change process, “I’m thinking about getting ready to get started.” Hmmm.

Ego and change
What’s the real deal about healing? What stands in the way of most folks’ willingness to change is ego.

Ego is necessary. Ego supports us as we navigate how we live our lives. Ego includes our personality, our individuality. Ego helps us to pretend we are individuals. Ego helps us remember where we left our wallet, what we need to buy for dinner and what time the team meeting is. Our ego defines our thoughts, beliefs and assumptions.

Ego believes that its ultimate responsibility is to keep us safe and protect us from harm of any sort – mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, and/or psychological. The lenses through which the ego views the world tend to see the world as scary and hurtful.  Because of this, we spend much of our life defending ourselves against others whom we perceive as judging, being critical of, or threatening us in some way, shape or form.

Consider (honestly): how many of our moment-to-moment thoughts are healing or loving thoughts?  How many are fear-based, judgmental or negative thoughts?  For most folks, it is the latter. If we’re being honest here.

Remember, our ego’s job is to feel safe and secure. When we contemplate changing our (ego’s) beliefs, thoughts, “stories” and preconceptions, etc. about our life and living in the world, our ego becomes scared. In subtle and insidious ways, our ego works to insure that we continue to think, believe, and behave exactly as we have in the past. Why? Change is hurtful to our ego; it wants us to feel its acting on our behalf, to keep us safe, by “not acting,” i.e., not changing, not healing.

Our ego believes that even our most painful, self-sabotaging or limiting beliefs which we cling to are necessary because the small (or great) amount of pain that we experience as a result of these thoughts, actually protects us from a much bigger pain – a “death” in some way, shape or form.

When we consciously consider creating true and real change, we assume there is something bad or wrong about our current thoughts or beliefs (and resulting behaviors). This triggers our ego which goes into protection mode. We spend lots of time beating ourselves up for thinking we are, in fact, bad or wrong for what we have been thinking or believing, or how we have been behaving, for much, or most of, our lives.

Allowing and resistance
For true and real change to exist, we have to allow our beliefs, our thoughts – whatever they are – to take shape in our minds.  Then we observe them and allow them. We do not judge them. We don’t beat ourselves up over them. This action quiets the ego and our Inner Judge and Critic – who wants us to feel small, invisible, scared, wrong and bad.

When our ego understands there is actually nothing “wrong” with our thoughts or beliefs (they just “are”), resistance fades. We grab hold of the freedom and the opportunity to introduce new thoughts and beliefs and, with these, we create the capacity to make new choices, and take new actions.

We created most of the limiting and painful beliefs we hold about ourselves and the world during our childhood. We employed whatever resources we had at that time, so we could feel safe, secure and garner mommy and daddy’s (and later, others”) love, attention, acceptance and approval.

Our beliefs worked then as children and as we matured through adolescence to adulthood. However, many, if not most, don’t work so well now. We need to update them.

The bottom line is that we can change our words, our thoughts and our beliefs. We can, in fact, change our lives at work, at home, at play and in relationship by creating new, supportive thoughts and beliefs by choosing to do so and then taking action that supports our new way of thinking. That is healing.

If you really do want to heal, that choice is yours to make. What better time than now?

Some questions for self-reflection:

  • What stories do you tell yourself that keep you from making true and real change in your career, home, health, play or relationship areas of your life? Do you recall having any of these beliefs when you were young? What beliefs prevent you from experiencing change in your life?
  • Do you ever follow your intuition, your “gut?” Do you trust your intuition? What’s that like?
  • Do you constantly beat yourself up? Why? Would you allow your friends and colleagues to speak to you the way your Inner Judge and Critic speaks to you? Do you constantly judge yourself as bad, wrong or not good enough in some way? Why? Really, why? When did you first start doing that?
  • The average person has 16,000 thoughts a day. Would you characterize the majority of yours as healing (love-based) or killing (fear-based)?
  • Did you ever simply observe your thoughts without getting caught up in them, or in a “story” about them? What’s that like?
  • What one or two debilitating or limiting beliefs would you like to update right now? Can you do it? Will you? What will support you? What barriers will stand in the way?
  • What one or two baby steps can you take this week or next to make changes in your life by creating new thoughts and beliefs about your Self and then taking action?
  • What beliefs do you have about: career, teamwork, meaningful work, money, health, men, women, relationships, appearance, fun, chores, children, personal or spiritual growth, marriage, clothes, hair, pets, etc.? Do these beliefs bring you true and real happiness (be honest) or pain and suffering (be equally honest)? If the latter, why do you continue to hold these beliefs and allow them to run your life? If the latter, how can you begin to heal yourself?

—————————————————–
(c) 2020, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful. Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.

What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that “thing” is…maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”

I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.

I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com

You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TrueNorthPartnering

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