When Someone Hits a Raw Nerve

ouch

Speaker pageFacebook Page, Becoming a Better You book page

We all know the feeling. You’re in the middle of a conversation – pleasant, collegial, or perhaps serious, but respectful – when all of a sudden, it goes south. Someone hit a nerve.

Everyone has these experiences where, when a nerve is touched, a reaction is triggered. We become vulnerable.

Most of the time, these experiences are not overly sensitive. Even though we do react when triggered, our reaction is but fleeting. But we all have at least one or two places where the rawness is a 10 on a scale of 1-10. OUCH!

Why the ouch?
Psycho-emotionally, our reactivity is most often due to our feeling of being ignored (abandoned, unseen, unheard, dismissed and the like) in some way, shape or form. This reactivity is based on some experience in our past and this earlier “wounding” now leaks out (the OUCH!) when someone in our present life touches that same nerve.

It might be that your boss ignores you when you’re speaking and want their attention. Or someone chooses to check their phone in the midst of the conversation. Or your partner doesn’t compliment you on the good job you did. Your reaction in these situations is directly related to those times you were ignored or dismissed as a young child and these sensitivities leak out whenever we feel unseen, unheard and unsupported.

What’s interesting, and important, is many of us have become numb to the raw spots we have. What we are aware of more commonly is our reactivity — our shutting down, lashing out, moving away (emotionally, verbally or literally) sadness, or fear.

So we’re all walking around with raw nerves and we engage in this dynamic of rubbing up against one other’s raw spots — unintentionally and unaware, triggering one another over and over with these destructive interpersonal dynamics.

What’s really happening?
When one hits another’s raw nerve, or feels the sting of one’s own nerve being rubbed against, there is a palpable change in “energy.” One or both go “cold,” or shut down in some way. And, one or the other’s reaction is way out of proportion. One may know what just happened and the other hasn’t a clue. “Where did that come from?!” “What just happened here?” we ask, openly or silently. What’s happening is that needs are being ignored and anger and/or fear take over.

The process, which takes place in the blink of an eye, goes like this:

1. We’re triggered by a word, glance, tone of voice, or a new/different emotional tone, etc., which takes over and says, “watch out!”;

2. We have a “somatic” response — feeling of nausea, dizziness, tenseness, tightness, heat or cold, increased heart rate, shallow breathing, increased blood pressure, etc.;

3. Our “mind” tries to make sense of our physiological reactivity and we “move” — toward, away from or against the other — i.e., anger leads to “fight;” shame leads to “flight” (shut down, withdraw, leave); sadness leads us to “let go; etc.”

The antidote to “ouch!”
The way to regain balance, harmony and self-control, and move towards equanimity is to take time, a lot of “conscious” time, to explore what throws us “off” — when we, all of a sudden, feel unsafe, unheard or unseen, leading us to become reactive. Ask yourself:

  • What did the other say or do that triggered my reaction?
  • What sensations did I experience in my body (not only what do I think)?
  • Does this physiological sensation help me to name my experience (a metaphor, for example—I felt like…)?
  • What is my inner dialogue when my being triggered happens? What’s the meaning I come up with?
  • Then, what did I do? What action did I take?

Then, think about your history. Did you experience this raw spot when you were young — with your parents or primary caregivers, siblings, teachers, peers, or others, as you were growing up? Can you see this person from your past now “inside” or as an overlay on the current person who is triggering you? Does the person who is currently triggering you see, i.e., know of, this raw spot of yours?

And, on the other hand, when the roles are reversed, do you know of the other’s raw spots and what you do to irritate them? Have you ever shared this with the other? Or they with you?

The antidote to coming up against others’ raw spots is to be aware of your own raw spots and those of others, share these with those others in a way that allows you to feel safe, yet honest and self-responsible, and then choose behaviors that keep you from behaving in negative ways.

Some questions for self-reflection:

  • Have you recently experienced hitting another’s raw nerve, or having someone trigger yours? What was that like? Did you resolve it?
  • Have you ever shared your triggers with another — at work, at home, at play in relationship? What was that like for you? For the other?
  • What’s it like for you to experience your vulnerability? Do you ever talk about your deepest fears? What is that like — if you do; if you don’t?
  • Do you ever trigger another willfully to upset them? What does this get you?
  • How did you learn of your triggers? As you look back on your youth, do you see where those around you triggered you?
  • Are you in any relationship where if you weren’t arguing you’d have no communication at all? What’s that like for you?
  • If you look back at your history in relationship, has triggering been a common occurrence? Is it still? Is it OK?
  • What was happening in that moment?
  • What was it (the specific cue-name it) that triggered me?
  • What was it I was feeling (name the feeling, not what you “think”) in the exact moment I was triggered?

—————————————————–
(c) 2017, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful.  Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.

What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that “thing” is…maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”

I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.

I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com

You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TrueNorthPartnering

Advertisements

You Know Best

Picture1

 

Speaker pageFacebook Page, Becoming a Better You book page

No-one else knows what’s best for us. And, conversely, we don’t know what’s best for others. So our job, our responsibility is to determine what’s best for ourselves.

“I know exactly what you need.” I know what you should do.” I have the answer for you.” I don’t think you should do this.” “This is what you should be working on, focusing on, or pursuing right now.”

Being disrespectful
Each of these statements is bold, presumptuous, disrespectful and discourteous. These statements (or beliefs, as they often are) separate us from how we operate from a spiritual perspective in all aspects of lives, be it at work, at home and in relationship. Each of us has the ability and capacity to be able to discern our own path and our own way forward through our lives. This is not always easy. Life is often about the struggle and effort that’s sometimes requires us to go inside and rest in this quiet, still place of discovery, the place of right knowing, right understanding and right action.

Advising others, educating others, making decisions for them, plotting and planning their journey and crafting their strategy for moving forward, is not our responsibility, nor should it be. Nor is it their responsibility to direct our journey, to find out path for us.

Self-responsibility
Even if you have some kind of “contract” with another — if they are a friend, relative, coach, or counselor — they don’t know what’s best for us, nor should we trust or expect that they do.

Each of us is responsible for listening to the information that comes to us. It is also our responsibility to consciously sift through and sort out that information, and then “go inside” to weigh the merits of that information, to discern what we think and feel is best for us. Nobody can know that but each of us in our own way.

The way we can support, honor and respect others is to trust that they have their own internal guidance system, their own internal source of wisdom and their own internal capacity to discern what is in their best and highest good and interest, and that they will discover their path through trial and error — living life.

And us? To trust that we, each of us, through discovery in this moment, and the next moment, and the next moment — through the process of living life, making mistakes, taking wrong turns, stumbling and getting up – is the greatest gift we can give ourselves.

Some questions for self-reflection:

  • Do you depend on others to make life choices for you — at work, at home, at play or in relationship? If so, do you know why?
  • Do others rely on you to make life choices and decisions for them? And do you? Why?
  • Is carving out your life’s path fearful, shaky? How so? Does the fear stop you? If so, why?
  • What have you learned about yourself while discovering your own path?
  • How/what did your parents or primary caregivers teach you about depending on them or others for support?
  • Have you even been in a co-dependent (needy) relationship with another — parent, sibling, spouse or partner, coach, counsellor or religious or spiritual guide? What was/is that like for you? What does/did it get you?
  • Do you take time for journaling, reflecting or contemplation on a regular basis? Do you ever practice presence or mindfulness?
  • What’s it like for you to sit in stillness or silence?
  • How do you access your inner guidance or wisdom? Do you believe you have the capacity for inner guidance or wisdom? Do you trust your gut? When do you…when don’t you?

———————————————————–

(c) 2017, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful.  Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.

What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that “thing” is…maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”

I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.

I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com

You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TrueNorthPartnering

Does Self-Help, Help?

self-help

Speaker pageFacebook Page, Becoming a Better You book page

Who among us has not been on some type of self-help journey at one point or another? Who among us bemoans the fact we’re not experiencing inner peace, balance or harmony in our lives – or that we can’t seem to bring about the change and transformation we’re seeking?

Why self-help doesn’t help.
Many of us will be familiar with the nagging feeling which says, “heck, the more I read, attend lectures, seminars and workshops, meditate and chant, pray and say affirmations, the less I seem to be getting anywhere.”? What’s operating here?

The problem is that much of what is considered to be “self-help” doesn’t result in any real change or transformation. By that I mean the type of change that sees the ‘old you’ die and a ‘new you’ born, that means you’re not the person you used to be, that people you used to know wouldn’t recognize who you are now

Positive thinking, affirmations, willpower, chants, praying, meditating and reading seldom leads to this sort of profound change. That’s because most of what passes for self-help goes no deeper than engaging your mind and (in this case, your spiritual) ego. But real transformation requires a conscious connection with your higher self, not just your intellect – it can’t be realized by thinking and doing alone. It requires the work on a deeper level that you experience when dealing with your unconscious and with the darker forces within you.

Self-awareness is the key.
Self-awareness is the key building block of real change. Self-awareness – and a conscious understanding of who and how you – are forms the basis of becoming “conscious”.

Critically, becoming conscious is not about rationally exploring who you are. Rather, it’s about “not knowing” who you are. It’s about turning inward and exploring yourself from the deeper recesses and dimensions of your being, from the perspective of your unconscious self.

Paradoxically, self-awareness can only arise from an exploration of what you don’t know about yourself.

The truth is you’re more often influenced by what you are unaware of (in yourself) than what you are aware of. True change and transformation cannot evolve from “playing it safe” dealing only with the parts of yourself that you know, or feel safe or comfortable with.

Deeper questions lead to self-awareness.
Do you ever dream about people you dislike or with whom you have a contentious relationship? Do you ever wonder why you take an immediate dislike to someone you’ve never met? Do you ever think about rash judgments you make about people, places, events or circumstances? Do you ever wonder why people trigger your control, recognition or security buttons?

The “rational” person, of course, has all the answers and reasons why. But rather than trying explain these feelings by rationalizing them, if you begin to appreciate what’s operating in your unconscious you can start to understand why you are the way you are.

Often, doing this will reveal the uncomfortable, fearful, resistant or angry parts of yourself that exist on an unconscious level – parts that need to be explored, and worked with, (not suppressed, repressed or denied) if you choose to truly change and transform.

Curiosity
For example, if you become curious about why you need to soothe your anxieties by shopping, eating, drinking or controlling, you may discover that part of you is an insecure child within who feels abandoned, lost or ignored and is searching for safety and security in materialism.

Rationally, many will agree (based on the “self-help” stuff they’ve read or heard), that materialism represents “comfort food” when deeper love, appreciation, or acknowledgement is lacking. But many of these same folks are reluctant to go deeper to explore “why?”. They can’t or won’t tolerate exploring the unconscious addictions that drive them to behave in ways that bring them a false sense of comfort or ways that help them avoid or deny their feelings.

It’s all about the truth
Real self-help is not about dancing around the truth of who you are – with all your fears and the discordant music playing within. It’s about trusting your Innate Intelligence to deal with what’s really “up” with you. That means being open to, aware of and reflective about your subconscious self when your behaviors, thoughts, words and emotions are triggered in your daily life.

When you approach your life with curiosity, without judgment and welcome the truth of your unconscious, you embark on the journey to wholeness and begin to discover who you are in the greater context of healing yourself. This is the real self-help journey of change and transformation.

Some questions for self-reflection:

  • Do you consider yourself a “self-help junkie?” If so, how is this working for you? Are you behaving differently? What would those around you say? Honestly.
  • Do you explore your emotions and your darker side? If not, why not?
  • To whom or what are you strongly attracted? What aspects of your subconscious might account for this?
  • Do you feel a strong prejudices or hatred towards someone or something? How so? Why do you think this is happening?
  • Do you ever explore your dreams?
  • Is your experience with self-help more about gathering “information” than authentic, deeper behavior change?
  • How much time and money do you spend on “self-help” a year? Is there a real return on your investment, over and above simply knowing more stuff? Are you honestly be-ing different?
  • How often do you engage in deep self-reflection (not thinking), exploring not “the way I am” but “why am I the way I am?”

 

—————————————————–
(c) 2017, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful.  Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.

What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that “thing” is – maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”

I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.

I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com

You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TrueNorthPartnering

Author, heal thyself.

author hel.jpg

Speaker pageFacebook Page, Becoming a Better You book page

Other people’s behavior – be it that of a mainstream personality, an actor, politician, sports star or corporate executive, or that of someone in our personal circle – is always crossing our radar.

When this happens, many of us are quick to react with a judgment – a knee-jerk judgment that reflects our need to tell that person that not only are they bad or wrong, but also how they should or shouldn’t be behaving. Not only do we critique their values, beliefs, choices and behaviors, but we try to create for them the type of life they should be leading, according to “me”.

Most of us who try to author someone else’s life in this way find it almost impossible to observe others without reacting with observations that are replete with judgments, criticisms, evaluations or other forms of analysis. What’s more, once we have finished judging, we try to take the role of advisor, educator, parent, interferer, explainer, hypothesizer, or fixer.

Author, heal thyself
So what is it about people who seem to need to run other peoples’ lives – either in the here and now or from a distance? What is it about people who seem to want to “help” others but can’t seem to get a handle on their own life or issues? What is it about people who aren’t happy unless they’re authoring someone else’s life?

In a word – control. Most of these folks are to some degree out of control in their own lives and so they gain a false sense of grounding and control by attempting to run others’ lives. Meddling is their fix.

Lacking close scrutiny
On 30th Street in Boulder, CO, you’ll find a sculpture of a man chiselling himself out of a block of stone. He has already carved his head, torso, arms, and thighs. Holding a hammer in his raised right hand, he’s ready to strike a chisel he grasps in his left hand. He is forming his right knee.

Most authors of others’ lives have yet to chisel their own sculpture. Feeling unsafe, insecure, fearful, overwhelmed, lost or confused, their block of granite is incomplete. And to feel some sense of value and worth, they choose to chisel another’s sculpture.

Authoring someone else’s sculpture brings a fake and phony sense of individuality, self-actualization and self-determination. The opposite is the truth. Authors of others’ lives are seldom self-made individuals. They lack self-direction and autonomy, rarely assume self-responsibility for their actions and are poor at self-management.

These authors are often withering on the vine of life, rather than growing and moving forward. Rather than being continuous learners or continual creators of their own life, they take a false sense of pleasure in attempting to tell others how to live. They never take an honest self-inventory. They prefer to judge, evaluate and tell others how to deal with the struggles of life than to know themselves.

Self-authorship
For those who are steeped in authoring others’ lives, perhaps this might be a good time to step back, leave those others alone and focus on your own self-authorship – to chisel your own sculpture.

While chiselling, consider what conscious choices you can make to enhance your personal, professional, relational, and spiritual life. Will your sculpture reflect an honest, sincere and self-responsible effort to take care of your mental, physical, emotional and spiritual health? Will it address your financial and career health, your living environment, your relationship with your partner, friends and family, colleagues and co-workers?

Will your sculpture reflect your core values, integrity, trustworthiness and authenticity? When people come by to view your sculpture, what is the legacy they’ll see? Will it reflect a finely thought-out, creative, resonating figure, or will it be whole, flat, and untouched because you were too busy obsessed with telling other folks how to chisel their granite blocks?

Finally, remember that everyone is in chapter three of their life. Try as hard as you might, you’ll never, ever know what transpired in another’s chapter one or two – ever. So attempting to author their life without a grasp of those first two chapters, will never work – for you or for them – hard as you try.

That’s a good reason to close the book on other peoples’ lives and author the book of your own.

Some questions for self-reflection:

  • Do you tend to “author” others’ lives? Are you continually judging others? How so?
  • Do you feel a need to meddle in others’ lives? If so, where does that get you?
  • Is self-reflection a challenge for you? If so, why? He honest.
  • Would you prefer to evaluate other’s lives rather than your own? If so, why?
  • What one step can you take this week to chisel one small piece of your block?
  • Are you a continuous learner, a “work in progress?”
  • Has your chisel dulled? What can you do to re-sharpen it? Do you have the strength to lift your hammer?
  • Have you stopped chiseling?
  • The ultimate purpose question: Why do you think you’re on the planet?

—————————————————–
(c) 2017, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful.  Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.

What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that “thing” is…maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”

I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.

I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com

You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TrueNorthPartnering

Emotionally Intelligent and Emotionally Mature

balance.png

Speaker page,  Facebook Page, Becoming a Better You book page

It’s now widely acknowledged that Emotional Intelligence (EI) is a key skill for managers and business leaders and that getting in touch with your emotions and managing them when interacting with others plays a major part in managerial effectiveness.

But despite this awareness, old habits still die hard. Even when an individual has worked to improve their emotional intelligence, they often experience a type of disconnect in real-life situations. They may have learned the concepts of EI at an intellectual level, but they still find it hard to manage their emotions or emotional reactivity and quickly revert to old, self-destructive emotional habits and patterns when certain triggers are pulled.

So why is EI so hard to embrace in our day-to-day lives?

One reason is that many people who worked on their EI have (consciously or unconsciously) failed to deal with the root causes of their emotional reactivity. They haven’t explored the deeper nature of their emotional history. This history of their emotional evolution is a prerequisite to understanding how they “futurize their past” – i.e., how they interpret the present based on their history, experiences and memories.

Without this understanding, it’s very hard to separate our present from our past – “that was then; this is now.” So we’re not able to see the present – people, places, events, circumstance and objects – as “fresh” and unencumbered by our past emotional history. We’re unable to experience the present in a positive, neutral way and so we experience many of life’s events shrouded in a mist of negativity, judgment and fear.

In other words, very few of us actually “process” our emotions. Few of us allow our emotions to just be – watching, witnessing and observing them and asking, “What are you teaching me, about me?”.

Finally, many of us choose to bury our emotions. And we ought to know that when we bury our emotions, we bury them alive. They will return to rear their ugly heads, sooner or later.

Emotional maturity
So instead of focusing on emotional intelligence, perhaps we would be better served by focusing on emotional maturity.

The difference between the two is important. Emotional maturity is not “intellectual” but refers to a higher state of self-awareness – something that lies beyond “intelligence” – where we are guided by our senses, intuition and heart.

Emotional maturity is characterized by five principles:

  1. Every negative emotion we experience is a childhood emotion overlaid on a current person, circumstance, place, event or object.
  2. Emotionally, many adults are 3-4-5-year-old children in adult bodies wearing adult clothes.
  3. No one can make you feel a way you don’t want to feel.
  4. An adult can be emotionally mature and child-like or immature and child-ish. Big difference.
  5. Mindfulness, focus and presence are the keys to emotional maturity

Emotional maturity focuses on our emotional history, beginning with our interactions with our primary caregivers, extended family, teachers, friends, etc. We learn that around the age of seven, our psychological and emotional “programming” is set. Our emotional reactivity (anger, sadness, fear, shame, hurt, guilt, loneliness, etc.) that was triggered early on in life becomes stored in our cells and arises when “related” triggers pop up later in life.

Emotionally intelligent, but emotionally immature
Being emotionally mature means we seldom act out on, or suppress, our emotions.
Emotionally intelligent, but “immature,” adults are often unable to identify or manage their emotions. They usually avoid their emotions by intellectualizing, explaining, analyzing, disagreeing, attacking, flattering, joking, apologizing, evading, going silent, becoming aloof or suspicious, rejecting, criticizing or judging. They often come across as superior, arrogant, stubborn, defiant, hostile, people-pleasing, wishy-washy, phony, resentful, intolerant, self-pitying or victimized.

Because they haven’t explored their emotional development, many of them aren’t aware that they superimpose their childhood emotions on to their adult life. Their past is leaking out in the present.

In contrast, the emotionally mature adult understands that “my emotions are not me, but mine – I’m in control, not my emotions.” So they are more objective are less judgmental. They are better able to detach themselves from triggers that would normally provoke an emotional reaction. They experience states of equanimity, serenity and inner peace. Blaming others is no longer a strategy they use to make themselves feel safe.

That’s not to say that an emotionally mature individual isn’t chid-like. In fact they are often lively, excited, adventurous, joyful, happy and open. But they are also nurturing, supportive, firm, fair, helpful, respectful, self-responsible, non-judgmental, honest, sincere and focused on the well-being of themselves and of others.

The emotionally immature adult, however, is often childish, rather than child-like. They are reactive and throw tantrums. They are fearful, scared, needy, angry, resentful, pushy, bullying, jealous or envious. They can be quiet, withdrawn, defensive, argumentative or grandiose. They can come across as overbearing, micromanaging, controlling, disrespectful, fearful, angry, negative, judgmental, critical, abusive (mentally, emotionally, psychologically, physically), dishonest, insincere, narcissistic and focused on the self and the ego.

The most visible quality of emotional maturity is the capacity to be in the moment, to be present while being non-reactive or non-judgmental.
This “being present” supports our true and authentic self to guide us. We intuit “right knowing”, “right understanding” and “right action”. We feel our emotions without “becoming” our emotions. We grasp that the “trigger” for our reactivity may be “outside me”, but the “cause” of my emotions is within me.

So when we’re triggered, we watch, witness and observe but don’t succumb to a childish reaction. We accept our experience as it is. Practicing mindfulness, presence, focus, trust and surrender, we allow our heart and soul to push aside negativity or reactivity and bring what is needed, a considered, emotionally mature response.

Some questions for self-reflection:

  • Do you ever feel you need to change the way you respond/react emotionally to others? How so?
  • How do you feel when others challenge or disagree with you, or give you feedback?
  • Do you ever find yourself feeling fearful, angry or anxious? Do you know why?
  • Do you ever feel afraid about exploring your emotions? Why?
  • Do you consider yourself to be emotionally mature? What would others say? Would you ask them?
  • How did you learn about emotions when you were growing up?


—————————————————–
(c) 2017, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful. Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.

What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that “thing” is…maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”

I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.

I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com

You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TrueNorthPartnering


It’s all about perspective.

dancing2

Speaker pageFacebook Page, Becoming a Better You book page

And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.”   Friedrich Nietzsche

Have you ever judged someone as being “off?” (read: negatively different, difficult, stupid, weird, and the like) because their behavior or their be-ing-ness didn’t conform to the way you felt it ought to conform?

And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.”  How often have you been tone deaf because you refused to gather enough information to possibly help you more fully understand the truth of the reality around you? The fact is there is never – ever – only one correct perspective about anyone or anything.

Understanding this truth supports us to let go of our tendency to judge, categorize and label people as “good” or “bad,” “right” or “wrong,” etc. Most folks experience pain and suffering because they refuse to let go of their need to definitively judge reality – not only their reality but everyone else’s reality as well.

The truth is folks suffer least when they can accept reality just as it is – without needing to control or manipulate it.

If you are pained by external things, it is not they that disturb you, but your own judgment of them. And it is in your power to wipe out that judgment now.”  Marcus Aurelius

Is the only solution your view of reality?

How often in your daily life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship – do you find yourself in a situation where there’s a conflict, challenge or problem to be tackled and resolved? Or a dilemma that needs to be unbundled, or a conundrum to be clarified, or a story to be heard? And, how often in such circumstances do you dive in with your perspective (read: “my perspective which is the one, single and correct perspective”)? How often do you arrive to save the day?

In reality, how often have you jumped in with two feet and one single perspective only to learn sooner rather than later you missed the mark – i.e., you didn’t grasp the whole story, or the complete picture, or a deeper understanding of the issue?

What’s really underneath our knee-jerk need to jump in is our mind is so accustomed – in a culture of 24-hour sound bites, 140-character Tweets, IPhones, IM, and incessant demands made on our psyche by social media – to shoot from the hip, and offer opinions and judgments on the fly, and, in the process, become wrapped up in our “what-I-feel-is-the correct-perspective” approach to problem solving – i.e., viewing our preconceptions, assumptions, and judgments – as Truth.

“Listen to understand before being understood” is a principle underscored in all “effective listening” literature. Most of us say we “listen.” But, how often do we really, really listen before being understood, before reacting? Honestly?

Media made me do it

In a media-obsessed culture, many of us have become addicted to the need for immediate stimulation and interaction; our brains demand (hyper) activity. So, rather than having cultivated the capacity to exhibit patience and really, really listen, our stimulation-needy brains force us to blurt out the first thing that comes to mind, i.e., our perspective – a perspective that is, more often than not, quick, simple – and wrong. Being reactive rather than responsive.

The downside of the “I have the one, quick and correct perspective” is that it usually ameliorates one’s capacity to listen, be empathic, quiet and contemplative in a sustained way in the presence of another or others – especially when the situation calls for deeper reflection and understanding.

Unfortunately, when listening is called for, many of us engage in a knee-jerk reactive response in some way, shape or form – advising, fixing, one-upping, educating, telling, training, hijacking the other’s experience, correcting, and, of course, suggesting an immediate solution, i.e., my perspective.

Unfortunately, when this happens, those across from us often feel unheard, unappreciated, invisible, angry, resentful, frustrated or attacked – anything but listened to. Not a great way to build trust, engender mutual respect, create a container of safety or cultivate conscious, healthy relationships.

The antidote to the “quick fix”

So, the next time you’re in a situation that calls for listening, perhaps don’t be so quick to reassure, give advice, or give your perspective. Rather, practice being present to the person(s) who are speaking, practice empathy to understand the other(s) more completely, breathe deeply, clear your mind and let go of all preconceived judgments and assumptions, listen with your whole being, not just your ears, to others’ feelings and needs.

In other words, in situations that call for listening, be sure you’re not one “who considers those who are dancing to be insane” because you could not hear the music.

Listen for the music.

Some questions for self-reflection:

  • Do you feel you’re a good listener? How do you know? What would your co-workers, bosses, friends, spouse, partner or family members say?
  • Have you recently been told you don’t listen? What was it like to hear that?
  • Are you preoccupied with electronic devices?
  • Would folks say you’re often the first to jump in with a suggestion, a solution, an answer, your “perspective” – even when no one may not be asking for it?
  • Do you have a reputation as one who’s always “fixing” saving or rescuing others without their asking?
  • Do you ever feel unheard, unseen, invisible when speaking with others?
  • Do you ever hijack or “one-up” others’ experiences?
  • Would you consider yourself to be a compassionate and empathic person?
  • Do you ever ask others if they feel you understood them, before you claim you did understand them?
  • What one or two ways this week or next can you “listen to understand before being understood?”
  • Do you feel you were consistently “seen” and “heard” as a child?—————————————————–
    (c) 2017, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.

    I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful. Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.

    What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that “thing” is…maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”

    I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.

    I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com

You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TrueNorthPartnering

When I Wake Up

morning-light3

Speaker pageFacebook Page, Becoming a Better You book page

When we wake up in the morning, there is a nano-second between the moment we regain consciousness and the moment our “thinking” kicks in. In that momentary place of spaciousness, we might hear the birds communicating with one another, or smell the aroma of brewing coffee, or notice the light of the rising sun, or sense the warm body of someone a few millimeters away or just be in touch with our own body. There’s no thinking, just sensing, being aware, noticing.

For those who are familiar with practices such as focusing, contemplation, mindfulness or meditation, this nano-second can be turned into seconds, even minutes. No thinking. Just sensing, being awash in awareness. No thinking. Just being present.

Your day
Then the thinking kicks in. The day begins. But how it begins can be a curiosity. For some, the day begins with a knee-jerk jump into an electronic world. For others, it’s a meditation, or exercise, a prayer, or planning for and setting intentions for the coming day. How about you?

Here are some common or not-so-common ways to begin your day. They may resonate; they may not.

1. When you wake up, stay in bed. Breathe deeply into/from your belly. Sense your body, and notice (just notice; don’t judge) what you’re feeling. Are you happy, sad, angry, hurt, fearful, resentful, confused guilty, jealous? How do these feelings show up in your physical body? Scan your body, and breathe.

Don’t do anything. Just breathe and allow the energy of the feelings to run their course. Track the energy as it moves through your body. Don’t attach stories to the energy. Just follow the energy. Generally, the feelings/energy will melt away. Often your body’s inner wisdom will arise. Be curious. What’s the message?

2. Notice the first thought/issue that comes to you upon awakening. Is it work-related? Family related? Self-related? Track this first thought for a few days. Do you see any pattern? Be curious about the pattern. What does the pattern tell you?

3. Do you usually wake up feeling alive, refreshed, and renewed? Or are you sad, unhappy or upset, lethargic? Peaceful, calm and relaxed? Or angry, guilty or ashamed? Why? What needs to happen (or not happen) for you to wake up feeling positive, relaxed and in a state of equanimity?

Some questions for self-reflection:

  • On a scale of 1(low) to 10 (high), how much do you like yourself? Do you practice loving self-care?
  • Do you wake up feeling you deserve to have a pleasant or good day, a productive day, a peace-filled day?
  • Do you commit to taking care of yourself during your day?
  • Do you feel you’re deserving of love?
  • Do you surround yourself with toxic people? Why?
  • Do you spend more time and energy caring for others than you do caring for yourself?
  • Are you living your life from a place of honesty, sincerity and self-responsibility?

—————————————————–
(c) 2017, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful.  Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.

What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that “thing” is…maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”

I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.

I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com

You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TrueNorthPartnering

Are You Secure In Your Own Skin?

fear

Speaker pageFacebook Page, Becoming a Better You book page

Everyone experiences insecurity in some way, shape or form – everyone. Our insecurity leaks out at home, at work, at play and in relationship. Think, for a moment, about times, events or circumstance in which you feel, or have felt, that tinge of insecurity – holding a newborn, wondering about committing to a relationship, making a speech, speaking up, or out, thinking about growing old, buying a first house, re-marrying, divorcing, reflecting on your managing ability or technical skills, playing a sport or musical instrument, considering your educational background, your family or social standing and the like.

Insecurity is fear-based.
Experience tells us most folks are, or have been, dealing with their insecurities without becoming paralyzed. During their life’s journey, they’ve taken steps to either overcome their insecurities or not allow their insecurities to be incapacitating.

On the other hand, there are those who succumb to their fear, their insecurity. They allow themselves to be taken over by their negative, self-limiting, and self-defeating, internal scripts. These folks make a habit of feeling like a victim, blaming everyone and everything for their insecurities – their bosses, co-workers, families, the weather, politicians, their spouses, partners, friends and neighbors.

A major downside of this latter group, the negative folks, is how they impact and infect others. Consider the following:

Insecure folks want and need control.
Feeling insecure and, thus, “small” and “invisible,” they search for and seek out opportunities that will show them to be brilliant, significant, and important, i.e., be “somebody.” They refuse to collaborate, delegate or support others to grow and develop. They cannot bring themselves to coach or mentor others. Their ego is driving.

Insecure folks are afraid of change.
These individuals prefer the status quo to trying something new. They live in the “not invented here” part of their life’s landscape. Taking risks, stretching or exploring new ways of being, or doing things is threatening and fear-making. Risk or change is not a part of the equation.

Insecure folks avoid embarrassment.
They just “cannot fail.” How would they be perceived if they did fail? Insecure folks avoid failing or the appearance of failing in any way. They abhor being seen as stupid or “incompetent” in front of anyone.

Insecure folks are “silent” folks.
They play it close to the vest, or blouse. They fear disclosing anything personal about themselves. They prefer small talk, gossip, and conversation that is desultory, superficial and not very deep.

Insecure folks often associate with others who are not a threat.
Insecure folks need to feel wanted and needed, to feel important and superior. They prefer to hang around the less-talented so they don’t have to compete or be threatened or embarrassed by someone “smarter or better.”

Insecure folks perpetuate insecurity.
Insecure folks view others in their world according to the mantra, “I need you to be like me.” They thrive on insecurity and so create an environment of fear, over-thinking and over-analyzing, being constantly suspicious and vigilant creating an environment that is characterized by a low-grade-fever-type of agitation that permeates their home, work and social environments.

While insecure individuals are often successful in the short term, they usually wind up derailing or stalling, but not before they damage and seriously affect their relationships at home, at work or at play.

Some questions for self-reflection:

  • Reflecting honestly, sincerely and self-responsibly, do you sense you have one or more insecurities that affect your relationship or behaviors with your spouse/partner, parents, children, co-workers, bosses, friends…?
  • What might be a good first (baby) step to explore and deal with your insecurity?
  • Do you have a trusted friend with whom you can open up and talk about your deepest insecurities?
  • Would you colleagues, your friends, your spouse or partner say you have a need for control, recognition or security that results in your usually being in some state of insecurity?
  • Have others tugged on your sleeve about your insecurity? How did that make you feel?
  • Would you describe your primary caregivers as a child as generally secure or insecure?

(c) 2017, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful. Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.

What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that “thing” is…maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”

I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.

I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com

You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TrueNorthPartnering

Meddling – The Butterfly and The Cocoon

cocoon

Speaker pageFacebook Page, Becoming a Better You book page

Meddling
View in your browser.

“The hearing that is only in the ears is one thing. The hearing of the understanding is another. But the hearing of the spirit is not limited to any one faculty, to the ear, or to the mind. Hence it demands the emptiness of all the faculties. And when the faculties are empty, the whole being listens. Then there is a direct grasp of what is right there that can never be heard with the ear or understood with the mind.” Chuang-Tzu, Chinese philosopher

In essence, the more we listen to what is going on inside our self, the better we understand what is happening outside. The more apt we are to allow the other to just be present in their experience, and not be so ego-driven to change, fix, advise, educate, console, story-tell, shut down, interrogate, explain or correct the other in their experience.

Believing that we have to in some way “fix” another is the paramount obstacle to being present to and with the other.

Each of us is exactly where we’re men to be on our journey. Not ahead; not behind. Exactly where we are in relationship to our personal cocoon, to the unfolding of who we are and how we are.

In our Western approach to living and to life, many of us are caught in the strong urge to fix, give advice, or reassurance and to explain, directly or indirectly, subtly or not so subtly “our own position” or feeling.

The Buddhist way

There is a Buddhist statement that says, “Don’t just do something; stand there.” Stand there and just “be” there, indeed.

When we’re engaged with others who are experiencing, pain or suffering in some way shape or form, what works with them, is asking ourselves, “How I can be respectful, empathic, and present?”, sensing our own body, breathing, being consciously conscious of where I am in allowing this field of experience, so that I can just “be” with this person, knowing that their experience is just as it should be, that, in fact, they do have whatever “answers” they need in this moment, i.e., their answers and their moment, not “my” answers and “my” moment.

The Butterfly and the Cocoon (anonymous)

A man found a cocoon of a butterfly.
One day a small opening appeared.
He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours
as it struggled to squeeze its body through the tiny hole.
Then it stopped, as if it couldn’t go further.

So the man decided to help the butterfly.
He took a pair of scissors and
snipped off the remaining bits of cocoon.
The butterfly emerged easily but
it had a swollen body and shriveled wings.

The man continued to watch it,
expecting that any minute the wings would enlarge
and expand enough to support the body,
Neither happened!
In fact the butterfly spent the rest of its life
crawling around.
It was never able to fly.

What the man in his kindness
and haste did not understand:
The restricting cocoon and the struggle
required by the butterfly to get through the opening
was a way of forcing the fluid from the body
into the wings so that it would be ready
for flight once that was achieved.

Sometimes struggles are exactly
what we need in our lives.
Going through life with no obstacles would cripple us.
We will not be as strong as we could have been
and we would never fly.

So, with respect to the butterfly and the cocoon, perhaps the individual’s “kindness” and “impatience” got in the way of the butterfly’s growth and development.

Meddling

So, it’s worth thinking about how we feel the need to meddle in another’s growth and developmental experience from “our” perspective, not theirs, from our states of impatience, or knowing, being the “sage,” from our ego-driven needs to be “right,” to have the answers, knowledge, wisdom, etc.

The question underneath the question is:

Why?
Really, why?
Really, really, really, why?

There’s much more inside each of our cocoons than simply air. There’s knowledge, wisdom, insight, energy, and much opportunity for growth – in mind, body and spirit. The question is whether we have the strength and courage to stay there for a while, and learn, and be, and allow others to do so as well.

Some questions for self-reflection:

  • How did/do you experience your cocoon?
  • Are you comfortable being with your own pain and suffering?
  • Do you look outside immediately for answers to your pain and suffering?
  • What is/are the message(s) or lesson(s) you’re getting from your challenge(s)? How so?
  • How do you respond/react in the face of another’s challenges?
  • Are you quick to want to change, fix, advise, educate, console, story-tell, shut down, interrogate, explain, or correct another when they are hurting in some way?
  • Can you just “stand there?” Is that difficult for you? Be honest.
  • One a scale of 1(low) to 10 (high) where would you rate yourself, generally, with respect to being (a) compassionate, (b) understanding and (c) empathic? Would your spouse/partner, child(ren), best friend, workmates, or other family members agree with you. Would you feel comfortable asking them?
  • Can you love yourself and leave yourself alone (not judge, criticize or beat yourself up) when you’re experiencing pain and suffering?
  • Can you honestly believe you’re exactly where you’re meant to be right now in your life? Why? Why not?

—————————————————–
(c) 2017, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful.  Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.

What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that “thing” is…maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”

I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.

I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com

You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TrueNorthPartnering

Are You a People Pleaser?

Image result for people-pleaser imagesImage result for people-pleaser images

Speaker pageFacebook Page, Becoming a Better You book page

People who are always trying to please others seldom do. More often than actually their behavior is counter-productive and they end up generating irritation, negativity and anxiety rather than positivity or gratitude.

What about you?

Are you a people-pleaser? If so, there’s a good chance you learnt your behavior at a very young age. The impetus came from your (natural and normal) need to feel and be loved, acknowledged and recognized. If you felt that these needs were not being, met people-pleasing emerged as a survival mechanism.

More than that, you may not have been encouraged to love yourself, to please yourself, to show your value and worth, or to trust yourself.

So consciously or unconsciously, you choose the strategy of pleasing others, believing that if you did, others would love you back, that they would see your value and worth and validate you when you could not, or did not, validate yourself.

People-pleasing can be loud or quiet. It can take the form of talking non-stop or quietly maneuvering and navigating life in an effort to please others. You might constantly fuss over others driven by an “I hope I’m pleasing you” motive – although what you’re really asking is, “please acknowledge me!”

The real downside of people-pleasing is that you are giving yourself away – your power, your strength and your emotional and physic energy – by putting others’ wants and needs first. So whereas conscious and healthy relationships are built on a foundation of mutual consideration, the people-pleaser consistently sacrifices their self-responsibility in favor of being responsible to another.

But the irony is that trying to care for someone else in a dysfunctional way more often than not backfires. We annoy or aggravate the very person we tried to please and end up becoming angry, resentful and confused when they don’t appreciate our efforts or show gratitude in the way we would like.

Put bluntly, people-pleasing is a self-destructive and self-sabotaging way to attract love, recognition and acknowledgement. It never gets us the love and caring we want and deserve – ever.

Only when you learn to love yourself, appreciate yourself and nurture yourself just as you are, right here and right now, can you start to eliminate the need to put others ahead of yourself.

Some questions for self-reflection:

Have you ever felt you were a people-pleaser? How did that make you feel?
– What does people-pleasing get you that you cannot give yourself?
– Do you remember being a people-pleaser when you were young? What was that like?
– Do you ever feel guilty or ashamed when you put yourself first? Why?
– How do you feel when you do someone a favor and they don’t reciprocate?
– What baby step can you take to put yourself first?

—————————————————–
(c) 2017, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful.  Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.

What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that “thing” is…maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”

I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.

I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com

You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TrueNorthPartnering