Valentine’s Day is quite upon us. It’s a time when the majority of us turn our thoughts to hearts, flowers, cards and candy. For many of us, it’s a time of expressing through “things” what we find hard to say with words. For many of us, speaking from the heart and expressing our sentiments in an intimate way is challenging or uncomfortable,. So, “we say it with flowers.”
Many of us long to be able to look our partner in the eye and say what’s in our hearts, to be completely open, to be transparent. Many of us long for the intimacy that allows connecting without words, an intimacy that allows connecting with but a loving glance or a loving touch.
Many of us long to be in relationship…not just “acquaintanceship.”
Many of us long to be wrapped up within each other’s heart and soul and not just caught up in the wrapping of our partner’s “packaging.”
So, this Valentine’s Day, it might be a welcome opportunity to take some time for self-reflection and consider what your ideal relationship would really, really be like, right here, right now…not somewhere down the road…in the future. After all, the future begins now. (More on conscious relationships, here.)
Some questions for self-reflection:
- Do you see your relationship as a “problem to be solved,” or as an adventure to embrace together? What would your partner day?
- Do you see conflict in your relationship as a friend and opportunity for growth and connection, or as a pain in the butt? Would you partner agree?
- Does your partner support your becoming “whole,” or as someone who keeps you from being all that you can be…on every level? How so?
- Are you willing to cross the bridge to “meet” your partner, or are you only waiting for your partner to come to your side?
- Do you recognize that your partner’s bewildering behavior is a cry for your help, or do you see his or her behavior as an irritant that only results in your resistance or resentment?
- Do you recognize that every frustration is a gift for your relationship? (i.e., Why is this frustration happening FOR me(us) – not TO me(us))? What is frustration teaching you, about you?
- Do you and your partner honestly, sincerely and openly dream your dreams together? How so?
- Can you and your partner gently and lovingly hold one another’s hand, or do you need to grasp on tightly and chain your partner’s soul to your way of be-ing and do-ing? Either way, what is that like?
- How do you view love? Does love allow you to stand tall and upright or does love mean “leaning” on the other? Does a thread of co-dependency run through your relationship?
- Do you accept your defeats and defects with your head up and your eyes ahead with the grace of a woman or a man, or with the grief, resentment or begrudging of a child?
- So, on this Valentine’s Day, can you plant your own garden without waiting for someone to bring you the flowers?
- On this Valentine’s Day, can you experience your own sweetness without waiting for someone to bring you the candy?
- On this Valentine’s Day, how are you in relationship with your own heart? Can you look in the mirror at your own reflection and say: “I love you with all my heart; I am complete?” or do you “need someone else” to complete you?
- Do cards, candy, and flowers create your sense of well-being, or can they simply be the icing on the cake of a full, and complete heart, your own full and complete heart?
- On this Valentine’s Day, are you in a true and real relationship or in acquaintanceship, in a “roommate” situation, or two ships passing in the night? How do you know?
(c) 2021, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and True North Partnering. All rights in all media reserved.
I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this reading with you and I hope you find it insightful and useful.
Perhaps you’ll share this with others, post it on a bulletin board, and use it to generate rich and rewarding discussion.
What is the one thing that is keeping you from feeling successful, happy, confident, in control or at peace as you live your life – at work, at home, at play or in relationship? Maybe you know what that “thing” is…maybe you don’t. You just have a feeling that something has to change, whether or not you embrace that change. And how would that change support you to show up as a “better you?”
I’m available to guide you to create relationships that reflect honesty, integrity, authenticity, trust, and respect whether at work or outside of work. I support you to focus on the interpersonal skills that enable you to relate to others with a high level of personal and professional satisfaction – unhampered by personal inconsistencies, beliefs, “stories,” and behaviors that create barriers to a harmonious, pleasant, conscious, compatible, healthy and productive relationship.
I coach by phone, Skype and in person. For more information, 770-804-9125, www.truenorthpartnering.com or pvajda(at)truenorthpartnering.com
You can also follow me on Twitter: @petergvajda.